February 2005


Court Rules Woman Did Not Rob Man of Genetic Material

Occasionally a story will come along that must be written about, but poses a challenge to the writer in terms of writing about it in a way that will not creep out readers (or writer) excessively. This is such a…



Man’s Life Ruined by Naked Breakdancing at Soccer Match

34-year-old Mark Hargreaves was fined this week and banned from soccer matches after he admitted that he had run naked onto a soccer pitch in Burnley, Scotland, and proceeded to breakdance naked in front of thousands of fans and millions…


SUV Comically Destroyed in Fiery Crash

San Francisco police said they would cite Jonathan Fish for a misdemeanor in connection with the destruction of his 2004 Ford Expedition on Thursday, February 17. Apparently, it is a misdemeanor in San Francisco to toss a burning cigarette onto…


Police Put Clamp on Injured Man’s Ambulance Until Fine is Paid

A spokeswoman for Dublin International Airport announced today that in the future, airport police will exempt emergency vehicles from their policy of booting, or clamping, any vehicle parked in an emergency-vehicle zone. The change follows a recent incident in which…


Nebraska Supreme Court Spares Life of Dog

On Friday, the Nebraska Supreme Court vacated the death sentence that had been meted out to Murphy, an Alaskan-malamute-shepherd mix, for injuring a neighbor dog in 2001. The state supreme court reviews such cases in Nebraska because it has little…


Thai Sex Tycoon Smashes Bathtub to Prove Fitness for Office

Chuvit Kamolvisit, known in Thailand as “Tycoon Tub” for the chain of massage parlor/sex shops that made him rich, staged a flamboyant public spectacle on Friday after his election to parliament, saying he was ritually cleansing himself of his former…


Yet Another Flatulent-Shoe Lawsuit

Goosebumps Products, Inc., a Florida manufacturer of shoe insoles, sued one of its suppliers on Wednesday for sending it a defective chemical that caused gas bubbles to form inside the finished product, so that when worn and stepped upon the…


Let’s Trim Our Hair According to Socialist Lifestyle

Yes, let’s trim it, or else, comrade. The latest obsession of tiny, bizarre, and now nuclear-armed North Korean dictator Kim Jong Il is the length of his people’s hair. Starting last October, the government launched a campaign to force all…