“Don’t Follow Me or I’ll Shoot,” Says Leprechaun

LTB default 777x437

A clerk at the Front Street Laundromat in Butte, Montana, reported that he was robbed on Wednesday night (the night before St. Patrick’s Day) by a leprechaun.

Police reports stated that a man wearing a fake beard, mustache, plastic derby hat and green kilt brandished a gun about 11 pm on Wednesday night and demanded money. “Give me all your money or I’ll shoot,” he told the clerk, who complied without even trying to beat him at a riddle game or whatever it is you are supposed to do to get three wishes from a leprechaun. The clerk handed over $322 from the register, whereupon the leprechaun warned, “Don’t follow me or I’ll shoot.” I would say that the wielding of the gun is already an implied threat to shoot, and so it’s probably unnecessary to say “I’ll shoot” even once, let alone to clarify that the threat is intended to carry over into the escape phase of the robbery. But I would not say that to a gun-wielding leprechaun.

Police responded quickly but were unable to find the suspect.

Laundry owner Don Heffington had a theory as to why the leprechaun had struck: “Butte gets pretty crazy on St. Patrick’s Day, and it was probably someone who needed a little bit more money for stimulants.” Apart from the statement, “Butte gets pretty crazy on St. Patrick’s Day,” that is probably a decent theory.

The Homeland Security Department has warned manufacturers of moons, stars, hearts and clovers, or other magically delicious products, to be on full alert until the leprechaun is caught.

The Montana Standard