British Police Foil Ring of Gnome Thieves

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Thieves that steal gnomes, that is, not thieves who are gnomes.

Police in Britain today charged two women with something or other, ending an 11-day investigation into repeated thefts of gnomes and other garden items from towns in central Scotland. I guess that having caught the surviving London bombers, authorities felt they could safely turn back to more pressing issues.

MSNBC reported that police had found more than 40 gnomes, hedgehogs, rabbits, furniture, pots and lights that had been reported missing from places like Stirling, Falkirk, and Clackmannanshire. Police described the home as an “Aladdin’s cave of garden ornaments,” and the result of the case as a “significant achievement,” thus forever lowering the bar as to what kinds of achievements can be called “significant.”

Detective Constable Roy Lake said that the challenge now would be to ensure that the gnomes etc. would all be returned to their rightful owners, leading some (okay, just me) to protest that the gnomes should instead be set free.

Interestingly, a box on this MSNBC webpage titled “Related Stories” lists the following:

  • New tool in anti-porn drive: sit-ups
  • Seattle man dies after sex with horse
  • Remembering Bob with a garden of Hope
  • BBC staff call off planned strike
  • Bob Hope’s remains moved to memorial garden

I think maybe MSNBC needs to tune up whatever algorithm is finding these “related stories.” — thanks to Lisa Lukaszewski