Lowering the Bar

"CSI" Fans Possibly Better at Crime

For years, police and prosecutors have complained about the effect of law-and-order shows (like -- well, like "Law and Order") on juries.  They say that having watched the shows, jurors expect certain things from the attorneys at trial, and in particular that having watched shows like "CSI" that deal with forensic evidence, jurors are reluctant to convict if such evidence is not presented.

Apparently, these shows are popular with criminals, too.  The AP quoted experts who said that, for example, before the shows started it was "virtually unheard of" for a killer to use bleach to clean up blood.  (I shouldn't tell you this, but it destroys DNA.)  Now they describe that tactic as "not unusual."  Said one expert from the LA County Sheriff's Department."They're actually educating these potential killers even more . . . I believe it may [] encourage them . . . ."

It may have encouraged Jermaine "Maniac" McKinney, described as a "CSI fan," who police say broke into a house, killed two people and then used bleach to destroy evidence.  He also picked up his cigarette butts and lined his car with blankets,  tactics he had seen on the show.  He also threw some evidence, including a murder weapon, into a lake.  Or at least he tried -- in a twist apparently not covered on the show, the lake was frozen.  Police recovered that evidence and McKinney now faces the death penalty.

Next week's story ripped from the headlines: try not to have the nickname "Maniac."

Larry Pozner, former president of the National Association of Criminal Defense Lawyers, discounted the effect of the shows.  "Most people who commit crimes are not very bright," he said of his clients, "and don't take many precautions.  CSI and all the other crime shows will make no difference."

Findlaw

Loincloths Not Acceptable Courtroom Attire

Even in Zimbabwe.  Twin brothers Tafadzwa and Tapiwanashe Fichiani say that they have a religious calling to return to traditional African values, including the wearing of traditional African loincloths.  These are apparently true loincloths we're talking about -- called "nhembe," they cover only the genitals.  According to the AP, Zimbabweans generally favor Western-style clothes and even African robes are rarely seen, let alone loincloths.

And so the nhembe apparently did not go over well at the suburban Harare mall where the Fichianis went shopping earlier this year.  The brothers were arrested and released on bail, but showed up in court last week to answer the charges again wearing the nhembe.  They were charged again with indecent exposure and are being held in custody until psychiatric tests can be run.

They face a fine of up to $25,000 Zimbabwe dollars, which comes out to about thirty cents US.

AP via My Way News

SF Man Persecuted Just for Loud Music, Spotlights, Machine Guns and Explosives

We all have problems with our neighbors, but just be glad you don't live next to Don Bertone.

Residents in his community in southeastern San Francisco have complained for three years about Bertone, and police have been called dozens of times.  Let's review the charges.

Noise pollution.  Neighbors and police say Bertone blasts not only loud music, but also police radio broadcasts, shrill oscillating tones, and (as the Chronicle put it) "Spanish dance tunes and other noise" from speakers installed on the outside of his home.  This allegedly occurs both day and night.

Light pollution.  Bertone mounted floodlights on his house that sweep the block.  This allows him to monitor the block at night with the six cameras he has also installed.

Eye pollution.  Bertone Manor is a fortress, painted black, with boarded-up windows and barbed wire and hubcaps set along the top of his fences.  The backyard is covered with a blue tarp.  The roof is lined with milk crates and wooden pallets and bristles with over a dozen satellite dishes and antennas.  (The neighborhood-association president described it as "the oddest house in San Francisco," which is saying something.)  Allegedly, Bertone once wrote "KKK" on the side of his house, along with a picture of a noose, which finally spurred the African-American family living next door to move away.

Green-like-substance pollution.  A lawsuit filed last year by the city claims (among many other things) that Bertone poured a "green-like substance" on the car of a neighbor who had complained.  I don't really know what "green-like substance" means, but it sounds nasty.

Stockpiling weapons.  Police who searched the home Tuesday found a high-powered assault rifle, two handguns, 3000 rounds of ammunition, switchblades, and some kind of "explosive device."

Drugs.  Also found a quantity of meth and cocaine.

Miscellaneous.  He had also stolen a couple of street signs.

Defense?  Offense.  Bertone says he is the one being harassed by his neighbors.  No, wait: "persecuted like crazy."  Also, the police and city attorneys are involved in the conspiracy as well.  The only music he plays is when he listens to his stereo in the backyard.  The floodlights and cameras are to protect him against the police.  The barbed wire and boarded-up windows are to keep people out of his property.  The weapons are legal (he might have a point about that, except for the bomb).  Someone else painted "KKK" on his house.  The article did not quote any explanations for the alleged drugs, street signs or green-like substances.

Although it took a couple of years, apparently, the city did act and a restraining order was entered last fall.  Bertone was arrested this week after violating it (again).  He's being held without bail on charges relating to the "explosive device."

In 2000, Bertone ran for a position on the city Board of Supervisors.  He finished 12th out of 12.

SFGate.com

FYI: Judge Mockery Should Not Be Done On-Line

Here we thought kids understood the concept of the "Internet," but at least some do not get the fact that what you post there can be seen by anybody, including the judge who previously let you off with probation.  They understand that now, though.

That's because the judge, Michael Martone, stumbled across a photo gallery of pictures posted by a group of kids that he had sentenced to probation the year before, for being caught drinking at their high-school prom.  Martone is a nationally-recognized crusader against underage drinking, and had actually addressed the student body at the high school in question a few days before prom about the dangers involved.    The group in question was arrested when they arrived at prom already obviously drunk, staggering through the parking lot before they even got to the party.  Each of them tested over .02, the limit under Michigan's zero-tolerance rule for minors.  They got suspensions and then Martone sentenced them to probation, including a requirement that they not drink at all and stay away from places where alcohol is served.

Off they went to college, unfortunately for them taking along a digital camera.  Said camera recorded more than 400 photos of drinking games and drunkenness, all of which were posted to an Internet photo gallery.  That's already a bad idea, but when you add captions such as "F U Martone . . . Night after court!  Hahaaa," including the judge's name so that Google's all-seeing eye will lead him to it, it gets much badder.

He came across it apparently when he was searching for a press release on his prevention programs.  But searching for his own name brought up the photo gallery, which included pictures of the probationers giving him the finger while standing in front of beer-can pyramids that reached to the ceiling.

Each has now been given jail time, including the photo-poster, an honor student who wrote the judge a letter asking for leniency.  "It was sad," said the judge.  "In it, she said she wants to be a criminal justice major.  I told her, perhaps you might want to consider another line of work."

Detroit Free Press

Just Say No to Door-to-Door Tattoo Salesmen

I was pleased to see that none of my Springfield (Mo.)  relatives were involved in this story, which involves a man who apparently went door-to-door there last week offering tattoos.

Now, if I were going to let a stranger who showed up at my house tattoo me, and I'm not saying I would, I like to think I would ask to see a license, or at least some evidence that he had tattooed before.  But several Springfield women told the man to come on in, although they described the tattoo gun the man was wielding as clearly "homemade."

"It was wrapped with black tape, had a pin underneath it, had fishing wire going through it, you could tell it was a homemade gun," said a woman who asked that her name be withheld, but whose name is in fact Tamra Eason.  She still let the man tattoo her, as did two other women in the same apartment complex.  One of them passed out in a store the next day, and it turns out that the homemade gun has given each of them a homemade infection.  They have been told to get tested for hepatitis and HIV.

"We just wanted tattoos, and now we're paying for it," said Eason.  County health officials said it is always worth actually paying for it in advance, to make sure you are having a sterilized needle jammed into your arm by a licensed professional.  A local tattoo-parlor owner not surprisingly also agreed that you get what you pay for.  "Beware of deals in parachutes, brain surgery and tattoos," he said.  Words of wisdom.

KansasCityChannel.com

"Salamander Man" Finally Captured

In January 2006, police in Amsterdam reported they had finally caught the "Salamander Man," a thief they had been hunting for months. The "Salamander Man" got his name because of his unique strategy for gaining entrance into people's homes. He would knock on the front door and tell the inhabitants that he was looking for his lost salamander, hamster or iguana. Once inside, he would steal wallets and loose cash while supposedly trying to find his pet.

Apparently, no fewer than 60 people or so let Salamander Man into their homes based on this crafty tale. I think that shows that if you are a thief, and are working anywhere other than Holland, you need to drop everything and get there immediately.

Rich Hope to Freeze Assets as Well as Heads

Hundreds of people, maybe more, currently plan to join Ted Williams's head in frozen storage when they die, hoping that medical technology will advance to the point that they can be reanimated and revived.  The Wall Street Journal reported on Saturday about  efforts by some of these people to remember themselves, or their future selves, in their wills.

David Pizer, for example, a resort operator in Arizona, has set up a trust that would manage his current $10 million in assets until he is thawed out.  He suggests that he could be the "richest man in the world" were he to wake up in 100 years and collect all the interest that has compounded in the meantime.  (Oh, and his wife too -- he says he wants her to join him.  That's nice.)

He won't be the richest, not if Ken Weiss can help it.  Weiss, co-founder of RSA Security, is going to freeze himself too and he's worth a lot more than Pizer.  But even he will be living only in a modest apartment in Previously Dead Village if he is right that, as he claims, several (unnamed) "billionaires" are out there with similar plans.

Don Laughlin, who founded Laughlin's Casino in Laughlin, Nevada, consulted with his lawyers recently to discuss the details of a "personal revival trust," as some are calling it.  According to the article, Laughlin rejected the idea of leaving his money to a "mere biological clone," opting to gamble (get it?) on his own personal head being revived along with his own personal memories.

A lawsuit is currently pending in Broward County, Florida, over a large personal revival trust set up by Jakob P. Canaday, who died in 2004.  Shockingly, his two daughters showed up on "the eve" of his death (is that the night before or the night after you die?  might make a difference here) with a new will that leaves everything to them instead of daddy's frozen self.  Canaday's brother says the decedent's wishes should be honored, no matter how bizarre.  The daughters say nothing, having declined to comment.

I'm more on board with being shot out of a cannon, like Hunter Thompson.   Just seems more dignified than having your head frozen for hundreds of years, or until the first time the power goes out, anyway.

WSJ.com

Seriously Defective Lawyer May Be Entirely Normal Lawyer

From the January issue of Scientific American magazine (pp. 24-25, in case you are a big enough dork to actually read that magazine):

Take the 50-something lawyer who, fearing Alzheimer's, came in for an MRI and got good news and bad news.  He was fine, but his brain lacked a corpus callosum, the wrist-thick stalk that normally connects the brain's hemispheres.  Still, he enjoyed a successful practice . . . . The patient exhibited subtle signs of abnormal behavior, says Warren S. Brown, a neuropsychologist who studies mind-body questions . . . "He just seemed odd -- not remarkable, but he missed the point of social interaction."  Brown adds that patients without a corpus callosum often do not get the point of jokes or understand pictures.

This may explain a lot about our profession.

Scientific American (main website only)

How to Collect from a Stubborn Client

This one's easy: you just kidnap him until the family pays the ransom, I mean fees.  Works best on the client's wedding day.

Police in Waco, Texas, said that Paula Allen, a 51-year-old attorney who had defended Rolando Castelan from a variety of criminal charges, kidnapped Castelan from his wedding reception on December 10 with the help of three "associates."  (I assume they just meant "helpers,"or else law firm associates in Texas are really being asked to do a lot for their firms these days.)  They cuffed him and drove around while Castelan called his friends and family in an attempt to scrounge up the money he owed her, apparently about $5,000.  Castelan was eventually able to escape, police said, but had been held for four hours.

Allen may have thought she was just acting as a "bounty hunter," because the $5,000 was the amount of Castelan's bond -- she had vouched for it but then he failed to show up for court.  Even in Texas, though, this seems to be a little beyond the pale.  Allen was arrested this week and charged with felony kidnapping.

ABC News

Woman + Woman's Fetus Held Not to Constitute "Carpool"

A municipal judge in Phoenix ruled Tuesday that a woman was properly ticketed for using the carpool lane, despite her argument that she was in fact riding with a "passenger" because she was pregnant.

A good question for Alito, if it's not too late.  [UPDATE: nobody asked him.]

Candace Dickinson was stopped on November 8, 2005, for using the carpool lane without a passenger.  The officer who stopped her said she pointed to her "obvious pregnancy" in hopes of avoiding a ticket, and after being fined $367, she contested the ticket in court on the grounds that her unborn fetus was a "passenger."  Judge Dennis Freemen rejected that argument, saying that the common sense meaning of the term, and the intent of the law, required the passenger to be one who occupied a "separate and distinct . . . empty space in a vehicle."  Dickinson's womb did not qualify.

Besides, as the officer argued in court, this theory would require officers to carry pregnancy testers to defeat sham excuses, "and I don't think we want to go there."

CNN.com