Homeland Security Department at Work Protecting Northern Alabama

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In a ceremony Wednesday morning, law-enforcement officers in Homeland Security Region 6 celebrated the fact that additional resources had been provided to secure Region 6 against terror attacks.  So you al-Qaida members who were planning to attack northern Alabama, beware: they got trucks now.

Each of the ten counties in Region 6 received a shiny new truck with the label "Region 6 Law Enforcement" right on the side (maybe on both sides — you can only see one in the picture), and accompanying equipment that officers said would allow them to defeat the enemy and also fight hurricanes and such like.  "We can take control of a crime scene with just this truck, whether it’s a terrorist attack or natural disasters," said Sheriff Bryan Hill of Lawrence County.  (Not sure a natural disaster qualifies as a "crime scene," but I’m not the law-enforcement professional.)  Although one super-truck would certainly be enough, Sheriff Bartlett of neighboring Morgan County allowed as how Region 6 was a whole team, and so "if terrorists strike, all the trucks will respond."

Once the trucks show up, it’s game over for Osama and friends, because of the sophisticated anti-terror-and-natural-disaster equipment that the Region 6 team can deploy.  Like, um, lights.  "We’ve got an emergency generator and emergency lighting," Sheriff Bartlett told reporters.  The truck pictured also appeared to have lights on top, and on the front end, with other reddish lights on the back.  These lights are expected to dazzle any terrorists, who come from countries where lights are rare, and make them easier to subdue.  I guess.

The trucks appeared to be equipped with other stuff too, but exactly what it was and how it would stop terrorists or the next Katrina was not made clear.  Actually, the sheriffs may not be that clear on it either —  Bartlett told reporters the trucks had "crime-scene-technician-type equipment."  You know, like what’s on that C.S.I. show,  and like that there.  That type equipment.

The Region 6 super-trucks cost America about half a million dollars, but that’s a small price to pay for securing northern Alabama against the looming terrorist threat.

Link: WHNT-TV, Huntsville, AL