Lowering the Bar

Lowering the Bar Cited as International Precedent

As many of you know, I have long had two primary goals for this enterprise:

1. to provide some entertainment for myself and other attorneys (and friends of attorneys) slogging away at their various billing stations, and
2. to be cited as authority in a brief filed with the Supreme Court of the Philippines.

Today I can at least be sure that one of those goals has been met.

I mentioned in the "Lowering the Bar" presentation I did two weeks ago that I had heard from Judge Florentino Floro, who I had written about twice before.  You may recall that Judge Floro was dismissed (or "separated") from the bench in Malabon City, a suburb north of Manila, after questions arose about his practices of starting court days with a reading from the Book of Revelations, conducting faith-healing sessions in chambers, and consulting three "mystic dwarves" named Luis, Armand and Angel for advice and predictions of future events.  As Judge Floro was a judge, that seemed to fall within the scope of this project and I did mention him a couple of times.

Judge Floro emailed me (and a number of others who had written about him) a couple of weeks ago, primarily to thank everyone for writing about his case.  He noted that he was appealing his case, forwarded us some pleadings, and was kind enough to answer a few questions.  Here's an (edited) summary of the answers:

LoTB: First, what is the difference between a separation and a dismissal?  Is it possible you could be reinstated?  If so, would you want to be a judge again?  Was it fun to be a judge?

JF:  Dismissal, under our laws, carries with it perpetual disqualification & DISBARMENT. . . . I believe that the laws are in my favor. But, I cannot tell you what will be their votes. . . . I would want to be a judge [again]. It is not fun, since I am honest. I had to wake up 6 am and sleep at 9pm and week ends I pen decisions; it is nightmare. But, my neighbor judges, they come to court, 10 am, deal only with juicy cases and they put in the backburner the not juicy ones; they play golf, 1 pm. This is not an exaggeration, since their staff and fixers do all the jobs.

LoTB: Second, why did the press say that Luis, Armand and Angel were “dwarves”?  Was this a mistranslation of “dwende,” the mischievious spirits believed to reside in anthills (also translated “gnomes”)?  Are they truly of small stature?  Did they help you with your opinions, and if so, do they have any legal training?

JF:  Answer: The names of my spirit guides are Luis, Armand and Angel; they are not the ordinary dwarves, gnomes, leprechauns, vulcans, . . . Luis is the King of Kings of elementals, an angel of God; if you are a Christian, you can read this in genesis,etc. and you can click angels in encyclopedia.com or wikkipedia,etc. . . In Ireland - a Catholic country - they can see dwarfs, but only the ordinary kind. LUIS IS THE KING OF ALL KINGS OF THESE. Usually, they are of small stature, but they only appear to me in the form of lights. TRUTH: I never used the word “DWARVES” in any DECISION, and I never consulted any imaginary dwarf to pen my decisions.  LUIS is highly educated.

LoTB: Third, you stated that you were the fifth-best psychic in the Philippines.  Who do you think are the top four, and do any of them practice law?

JF:  I stated in 1998 that I believe our President Ferdinand Marcos is # 1. . . I specifically have the following gifts: cross of the tongue, lightning teeth, my eyes emit spiritual fires, and my hands emit extreme heat that heals the poorest of the poor (with heat-processed coconut oil). All of us are psychics to a degree but very few can bend spoons. I was gifted with healing, bilocation, exorcism,etc. I graduated 2nd full honors and placed 12th in our 1983 Bar Exams, 87.55% (our Bar exam is the toughest, since many aspirants here who failed 3 x could easily pass your Bar in California, please do not be offended).

LoTB: Fourth, I am very interested to know what verse or verses of the Bible you selected to begin each court day.  One report stated that at least on some days these verses were from the Book of Revelations.  Is that true, and what are your favorite verses from that Book?

JF: In 1998, when I assumed office . . . I asked them to read the Book of revelations, because it is the hardest book but there it is, ALL. My favorite verses of the Bible are ECCLESIASTES, there the philosophy of life’s uselessness and injustice but God will judge everything done in secret. Also, the psalms, on curses on God’s punishment versus evil.

LoTB: Have you seen “The Omen”?  The first one, of course, not the remake.  Do you know (or can you find out) why those in Hollywood would not recognize an original idea these days if Pughe, King of the Dwendes, brought them one on a silver platter?

JF:  I am sorry, I do not see movies, since I concentrate on horse racing, this is my life since 1972, 3 times I tried to be a jockey, but I ended up to be a lawyer. I think I had seen the original one, many years ago, I cant remember. Contrary to the Decision and Reports, I am a horse athlete, ordinary poor man who just rents a house, and I have no car. I live a very simple and financially poor life . . . . I want to buy a horse and to ride, its great fun.  Sincerely, Judge Floro.

Judge Floro and I have corresponded a few times now and he seems to be a very pleasant man who is certainly convinced of the justice of his cause.  (Judge Floro, please let me know if I've misstated anything in this report.)  With his permission, I did talk about him and his case at the presentation a couple of weeks ago.  I think it is fair to say that people were quite interested in the matter, although there is probably not much we can do from halfway around the world.

Or at least that's what I thought.  In a third supplemental pleading that Judge Floro forwarded me last night, I was a little surprised, but proud, to see that he had cited me as one of a number of worldwide authorities on his case.  The pleading starts by reprinting most of an article on the case by Justice William Bedsworth, an associate justice in California's 4th District Court of Appeals, who has his own blog and who frequently publishes articles in the legal papers here as well.  Judge Floro also cites (among others) another California attorney, Lester Hardy; David Pannick, a British attorney; Ken Blanchard, a management and business writer (The One Minute Manager); a French blogger; and Che Vaughn, a tarot reader and clairvoyant who shares her home with "a couple of spirits, some shadow people, some black blobs, one homunculus and a cat."

Also, Lowering the Bar, which gets about two of the thirty pages.  The posts are accurately quoted, I'm pretty sure, and the biographical information on me (from our firm's website) looks right too -- I have to admit, though, that Judge Floro embellished a bit by describing me as a "celebrated" San Francisco lawyer.  My dog is generally excited to see me, but that's about the only celebration I generate.

Judge Floro is asking for reinstatement and about four years' worth of back wages.  As best I can tell from the pleadings, his argument is more or less that he should not have been separated from the bench just because of his beliefs, so long as he served his country and Malabon City in a fair and honorable manner.  That's a fair point -- who would you rather have as a judge: somebody who takes bribes; or an honest guy who happens to have lightning teeth and well-educated spirit friends but can pass the hardest bar exam in the world?  I know my answer.

I have to say though, Judge Floro, I don't know that citing the world's blog posts will add anything to to the heartfelt and very, very lengthy briefing you've already presented to the court.  And you should always be careful when using sarcasm in pleadings, especially somebody else's.  Also, I think a lot of practicing lawyers would suggest that there is life outside the law, and so maybe this is a good time to follow your dream of being more involved with the horses or the world of horse racing.  Having said that, I wish you luck in whatever you decide to do.

Judge Floro's Third Supplemental Brief (filed June 30, 2006) in Microsoft Word format
Justice Bedsworth's Blog -- A Criminal Waste of Space

Compulsive-Shopper Defense Does Not Spare Woman From Jail for Spree

Betty Jean Barachie of Kunkletown, Pennsylvania, was sentenced to 27 months in prison this week despite testimony from a psychologist that she was "one of the most extreme cases" of compulsive shopping he had ever seen.  Barachie admitted stealing more than $1.5 million over an eight-year period from the credit union where she worked until 2003.

She appears to have spent all of it.  According to the report, Betty Jean bought (among other things) 3,000 books, hundreds of pairs of shoes, hundreds of handbags, 58 coats, 16 chain saws, a swimming pool and a $25,000 John Deere tractor (maybe she used that to move the other items around).  Most of these items were found piled in her home with the tags still attached.

That is extreme.  Personally, I don't see why anyone would ever need more than a dozen or so chain saws.  If you pick the colors right I would think you could accessorize that many with even a 58-coat wardrobe.

I was hoping to see a book on the list called something like "How to Overcome Your Compulsive-Shopping Addiction," and that she had bought about a thousand copies of it, but it didn't say that.

Link: AP via MyWay News

$10 Parking Fine Spawns First-Amendment Brawl

What's the memo line on your checks really for?  Robert Militzer put his to good use earlier this month when he wrote a check to pay the Berkley County (Michigan) District Court a $10 parking fine.  Militzer admits that during previous visits to the area he had noticed and obeyed signs prohibiting parking from 2-6 a.m., but claims that the signs weren't there on the day he was ticketed.  But the strength of the "disappearing-sign" defense is not the main issue here -- rather, it is the effect of Militzer's protest, which he expressed by writing "BULLSHIT MONEY GRAB" in the memo line of his check.  Militzer said he knew it wouldn't solve anything, but felt it would "let them know I felt was being unfair."

It did.  It also got him invited to the courthouse for a chat, the one-item agenda for which reads "contempt of court."  Militzer was scheduled to appear today to answer that charge.  He will be accompanied by an ACLU attorney who will argue on his behalf that the remark is protected by the First Amendment.  Thus a snit over a $10 bullshit money grab has been escalated into a federal constitutional issue.

Link: CourtTV.com

Karma Chameleon Will Do Community Service With NY Sanitation Department

The New York Department of Sanitation confirmed today that former Culture Club singer Boy George will be joining its ranks for five days of community service as part of a sentence on drug charges.  "He will be part of our team," said sanitation spokesman Keith Mellis, who as a child probably dreamed that he would grow up to be a "sanitation spokesman."  Mellis continued, "We won't know exactly what he will be doing for several weeks, though."

That should give the guys plenty of time to think of pleasant things for Boy George to do.

Boy, whose real name is George O'Dowd, has struggled with drug problems for years.  The current charge actually stems from a false report he filed last October.  Boy claimed that his Manhattan apartment had been burglarized.  It's not clear from the report why he did so, but it is clear from the report that inviting the police over when you have cocaine lying around is not the greatest idea.

The service must be completed before August 28 if Boy hopes to avoid jail time.

Link: AP via SFGate.com

Saddam Launches Hunger Strike to Show Solidarity with Lawyers

In a dramatic protest against the killing this week of another one of his defense attorneys, Saddam Hussein announced Thursday morning that he was going on a hunger strike.

It lasted until dinnertime.

A U.S. military spokesman said that Saddam and several of his aides who had joined in the protest had ended their hours-long ordeal by having dinner Thursday night.  "They all took their dinner meal," he confirmed.  He did not say how much weight the strikers had lost since that morning, whether they held any special ceremony for breaking their fast, or what words were spoken in fond remembrance of Saddam's former lawyer.

A very slightly gaunter Saddam Hussein
heads for the buffet line to end an
hours-long tribute to his attorney.

The skipping of lunch by Saddam Hussein is believed to be the longest hunger strike by a dictator in solidarity with an attorney since Kim Jong-Il paused between halves of a Twix bar after ordering the execution of his top legal advisor.

Link: Reuters via MyWay News

Alert Bartender Saves Plymouth, Indiana, From Terrorist Attack

No he didn't.

A (sadly, unnamed) bartender called authorities early Monday morning after he spotted a flashing red light on the wall of a restaurant at Swan Lake Resort in Plymouth, and suspected it to be a bomb.  Thirty-five people were evacuated while authorities investigated.  After about half an hour, they decided the bomb squad was not needed, largely because the flashing red light was coming from a Pabst Blue Ribbon sign on the window of the restaurant.

I question that decision.  Terrorists who did choose to go after Plymouth, Indiana, might well hide a bomb in a PBR sign or keg, and if the bomb squad takes that stuff out and destroys it, at worst you have removed some PBR from the world.  What's the downside?

Anyway, as you would expect, the resort's manager, Doug Leedke, said it was all just a sign of the times in the world after 9/11.  "Our employee saw something unusual and reported it," Leedke said.  Can't be too careful.

Link: AP via MyWay News

Australian Mint Worker Enjoyed Challenge of Stealing from Australian Mint

A worker at the Royal Australian Mint in Canberra pleaded guilty this week to stealing $135,000 Australian (100,000 of our actual dollars) from his employer by smuggling them out every day in his lunch box and shoes.

Authorities apparently are not sure exactly how much William Grzeskowiak got away with.  They recovered 67,926 $2 coins from his garage and his mom's house when he was arrested in February, and that was the amount that he was stated as having stolen.  But that assumes, of course, that they got all the money back.  Grzeskowiak told the court that he took the money because it gave him a "sense of empowerment" and because he enjoyed the challenge, not so he could spend it, so I guess that makes them confident that he didn't actually spend any of the coins.

According to the article, Grzeskowiak stole nearly half a metric ton of coins over a 10-month period.  Assuming those figures are accurate, that would mean he had smuggled out an average of nearly four pounds of coins every day during that time.

Tip for national mints everywhere: departing employees who tend to shuffle out wearing oversized, jingly shoes should be searched thoroughly each and every day.

Link: AP via FindLaw.com

Anti-Fluffernutter Legislation Sparks Battle in Massachusetts

Always looking for more ways to divide the party internally, Democrats are now arguing amongst themselves over whether or not to ban Fluffernutters in New England schools.

Yet more evidence that all other problems have been solved by our state legislatures.

Like most of you, I wrongly assumed that a "Fluffernutter" was some bizarre kind of sex act, and so at first glance I supported banning it from schools, or at least grade schools.  Turns out that in fact it is a bizarre kind of sandwich, which according to the AP involves Marshmallow Fluff and peanut butter on white bread, sometimes with banana slices included.  Yum.  The concoction and Marshmallow Fluff itself apparently have a "long history in Massachusetts," and many parents use it as a "food of last resort for finicky eaters."

Not Jarrett Barrios, a Democratic state senator who was outraged -- outraged! -- that his third-grade son was given a Fluffernutter (again, not a kind of sex act) at his school for lunch.  He has proposed a bill that would ban schools from offering the sandwich more than once a week.  He said that his legislation may seem "a little silly," but seems to have somehow argued that it was not.

Don't tell that to Kathi-Anne Reinstein, a Democratic state representative whose district includes the company that makes Marshmallow Fluff, Durkee-Mower Inc.  Not only was it not silly to her, but she has responded with her own proposal to designate the Fluffernutter the official sandwich of the entire Commonwealth, and stated that she will "fight to the death for Fluff."

Stung by the opposition, Barrios said (through a spokesperson) that he was not "anti-Fluff" and would even co-sponsor Reinstein's bill, finding that not inconsistent with restricting the Official Sandwich to once per week.

"He loves Fluff as much as the next legislator," said the spokesperson.  That, I believe.

Link: AP via My Way News

Criminal Cat Spared, Gets Home Detention

Lewis the Cat, who has terrorized her neighborhood in Fairfield, Connecticut, was granted a stay of execution and placed on probation.

Link: CNN.com

LoTB Road Show Draws Few Protesters

Thanks to those who attended (live or by videoconference) the first Lowering the Bar Traveling Road Show, International Mideast Peace Conference and Petting Zoo last Friday.  It appeared to be well-received, as few objects were thrown and those that actually reached me were mostly relatively soft.  Attendees learned a wide variety of facts related to the law, few of which will actually assist any of them in practicing law except to the extent they may have learned what not to do in various situations.  As I mentioned at the presentation, if anyone would like to be added to the usually weekly email update, just send me an email and I would be happy to add you to the list.