Captain of the U.S.A. v. Bush

LTB default 777x437

Here's an "October Surprise" for you. On October 6, Leon Gay, Jr., filed suit against George W. Bush, currently President of the United States, in the federal court for the Northern District of Alabama. It seems that Mr. Gay's investigation has concluded that Mr. Bush is not a particularly good president, and so the former has sued the latter seeking a number of remedies, including having the two men switch places.

This would be a much better deal for Mr. Gay, since the President lives in a mansion at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue in Washington, D.C., and Mr. Gay lives in a van across from Wholesale Transmission on Green Springs Road in Birmingham, Alabama.

In his form complaint, the plaintiff, who is appearing pro se, cites Exodus 18 and Deuteronomy 1 as authorizing the lawsuit. Those chapters do both relate in part to the selection of leaders for the people, so there is likely to be a difficult choice-of-law analysis in store for an Alabama federal judge.  The factual basis for the claim is as follows: "9/11 and the loss of life around the World would not have happened if George W. Bush and his Dad had rendered honor where honor was due." A number of other Biblical provisions are then cited in support, but now that I am limiting myself to reading two books of the Bible per day I can't very well follow up on that research.

In a letter that is attached in support of the complaint, Mr. Gay notes that he has been trying to get the Bushes to do the right thing since Operation Desert Shield, when he first sent letters to them describing what they should be doing. He recalls the late Ann Richards' convention speech in which she said of Bush Sr. that he had been "born with a silver foot in his mouth," and notes that Bush later sent Richards a silver foot, which I think was a nice gesture. But Gay has distilled a more important principle from this, I think: "This was the same principal [sic] I used on him," he writes.  "Previously" — after Desert Storm — "I had sent him a quart of oil. . . . [Then] Bush was accused of taking candy and milk from Saddamn [sic] Husseins country. So I sent a box of candy to Saddamn Hussein." This doesn't seem to have worked, whatever it was trying to achieve. Saddamn probably just gave the candy to Uday and Qusay anyway.

In addition to switching jobs and living arrangements with the current president, the plaintiff demands the following relief:

  • an increase in benefits from the Veterans' Administration;
  • a name change from "Leon Gay" to "Captain of the U.S.A.";
  • the "necessary licences and permits" to launch a campaign for president, which I guess would make him "President Captain of the U.S.A. of the U.S.A.";
  • two more picture IDs;
  • unlimited long-distance cell-phone capability;
  • a place to live and transportation;
  • getting his van fixed (which might solve both problems above);
  • all the oil, money, businesses and assets that President Bush now possesses.

Plaintiff notes that as he is a reasonable man, Bush "can keep his Loving supportive wife and kids.  I do not want them.  HA! HA! HA! HA!"  See Complaint Ex. A at p. 5 (HA!s in original).

Plaintiff further challenges the president to "as many debates as it takes until the whole truth comes out" — which could take a while at this point — the first debate to take place with plaintiff's van as a backdrop.

Link: Captain of the U.S.A. v. George W. Bush (complaint)