At first I felt guilty that my source for this was PeopleMagazine.com's report of a FOX News report, but then I decided that there is really no better way to report a story like this (although I still feel fairly guilty for reporting it at all).
Paris Hilton, who was suddenly released from jail by the sheriff yesterday and reassigned to home detention due to an "undisclosed medical condition," has now been sent back to jail. The L.A. city attorney had learned of the reassignment and sought an emergency hearing, after which Judge Michael T. Sauer, who was not at all happy about the release, ordered Hilton back to jail to serve the full 45 days (not the 23-day minimum she previously faced).
Needless to say, this was considered (by the Hiltons) a legal outrage and a violation of natural and constitutional law of the highest order. "It's not right!" Hilton screamed, as though she had just been sentenced to death, or to eat at a food court. Everyone in the courtroom (who was named Hilton) wept as Paris was removed. "It's out of our hands," said Hilton's mother, Kathy. "It is what it is and it's in God's hands now." That's right -- now it's all up to God. Now she belongs to the angels. Oh, the humanity.
God, who will undoubtedly be closely watching over Paris during her month in the Hollywood slam, could not be reached for comment as he was busy trying to get Lohan back into rehab.