Lowering the Bar

Police Battering Ram Brings Pizza Thief to Justice

Police in Eastpoint, Michigan, arrested 19-year-old Jessica Gray on Wednesday after an incident in which she allegedly grabbed an order of food from the delivery man and then slammed the door and refused to pay him.  Gray and her four female friends (ages 14 to 21) also refused to open the door for the police, who eventually broke it down with a battering ram.

The delivery man told police that he had shown up with an order of pizza, ribs, chicken, shrimp, and one soda, at 7 p.m. Wednesday night.  He said Gray answered the door, took the meal, then slammed the door.  All five women then allegedly joined in yelling insults at the delivery man from inside the apartment, as well as threatening him when he refused to leave.  The man decided to call police rather than try to deal with the situation himself.  "[Gray] was rough when she took it from him," said a police detective on the case, "and she was large enough where he didn't want to fight her."

According to the police report, the women also refused to open the door for the responding officers, who could hear them "laughing and whispering inside."  The laughing and whispering likely ended when police broke the door down with a battering ram.  Once inside, the delivery man identified Gray as the thief.  The choice to go beyond pizza when ordering then proved fateful, since police were able to seize as evidence a number of rib bones, chicken bones, and shrimp tails.

Gray was arrested and charged with felony larceny, posting a $5,000 bond, as a result of grabbing $17.18 worth of food.

Link: CBS News

Proposed Law Would Require Thai Drivers to Stop for National Anthem

Apparently believing that citizens (or at least motorists) are not sufficiently patriotic, a group of lawmakers in Thailand have proposed a new law that would require drivers to stop whenever the national anthem is played, which in Thailand happens every day over loudspeakers at 8 a.m. and 6 p.m.

Thailand has been run by a military junta since 2006, and the 250 members of the legislature have been appointed by the generals since then.  The group proposing the new "Flag Bill" is itself made up of retired and active-duty generals.

According to the report, most Thais already stop what they are doing and stand at attention when the national anthem, Phleng chat thai, is played twice daily.  (The report didn't say whether they do this out of patriotism or a desire to not get shot.)  Gen. Pricha Rochanasena, speaking for the supporters of the Flag Bill, said that the new law would simply "allow motorists to be patriotic too."  Seems hard to argue with that -- that, and bullets.

Also supporting the extreme reasonableness of the proposed legislation: the Thai anthem is supposedly really short.  "The national anthem lasts only one minute and eight seconds, so why can't motorists stop their cars for the sake of the country?" said Rochanasena.  "They already spend more time [than that] in traffic jams anyway."

Information on the relative length of national anthems is surprisingly hard to find, but according to one report the shortest anthem is Qatar's at 32 seconds.  No trouble there -- you could respect that one while you were stopped at a red light.  There doesn't seem to be any agreement as to which is the longest, although Greece and Uruguay get mentioned a lot.  Of course, it would depend on who's singing.  For example, according to Sports Illustrated's "Dr. Z," who says he has been timing "The Star-Spangled Banner" at sporting events for 50 years, that one has been sung in as little as 1:03 (at a Falcons game in 1977) but more often is around 1:30.  Beyonce dragged it out to 2:09 in 2004.  Longest ever: somone named Leona Giles at an Oakland Raiders game -- 2:34.8.  "It was an awful, awful thing to listen to."

Point is, the Thai anthem is short but not that short.  Luckily, a vote on the bill scheduled for November 22 was deferred to allow further study, said another party member, the awesomely named Wallop Tangkananurak.  "It would be chaotic if the bill had passed as it is now," he said.

Link: Reuters
Link: Wikipedia's list of national anthems

Guitar Has-Beens v. Guitar Hero

On November 20, attorneys for the band The Romantics filed a complaint in federal court against Activision, the publisher of the game "Guitar Hero," claiming that the game infringes on the group's rights to its own likeness.

In the interest of full disclosure, I should mention at the outset that (1) I have a copy of "Guitar Hero III" sitting right here, and it's awesome; and (2) I have long hated The Romantics.

"Guitar Hero," a console game in which players use a guitar-shaped controller to simulate playing rock-and-roll songs, and which rocks, has been described as a "cultural phenomenon" by Newsweek magazine and is now up to its fourth installment.  This lawsuit concerns the third game (considered a sequel to the second), "Guitar Hero Encore: Rocks the 80s."  While the latest game (GH III) features the original versions of most or all songs, increasing its awesomeness quotient still further, earlier versions tended to use cover versions.

The Romantics allegedly were, and allegedly still are, a "rock band" from Detroit that was formed in 1977.  Their song "What I Like About You" somehow reached #48 on the Billboard chart in 1980 despite being hugely irritating. They had more success with the song "Talking In Your Sleep," which made it to #3.  According to this disturbingly detailed Wikipedia article on the band, which shows some signs of having been written by a Romantics representative, the band did not record from the late 1980s to the mid-90s for legal reasons (and not because, for example, the public had ceased to buy its recordings), but then started again.  Supposedly, a 2003 album failed commercially but "won the Romantics a newfound critical respect."  (You've probably heard all about that.)

That may also end up describing the band's lawsuit, at least if the pleadings are really well-written.  The band concedes that the game developers had the rights to use a cover version of the song in the game, but apparently they claim that the cover is too good.  Being "virtually indistinguishable from the authentic version," the complaint alleges, it would confuse "consumers into believing that the band actually recorded the music and endorsed the product."  This allegedly infringes on the group's rights to its own likeness.

More to come on this, certainly.  Those who would like to join me in a class-action suit seeking emotional-distress damages for having to listen to "What I Like About You" (written during the band's pre-critical-acclaim period) over and over and over again in bars and commercials and so forth, and an injunction against further public nuisances, please let me know.  If we succeed, Dexys Midnight Runners, also still threatening to record, will be next.

Link: CNN.com
Link: "Guitar Hero" article on Wikipedia

Police Led to Car Wash Robber by Trail of Quarters

Not literally, but close.  Please be aware that if you steal over 5,000 quarters from a car wash, paying for lots of stuff with quarters over the next few days is not a great idea.

Scott Schmitz of Fond du Lac, Wisconsin, is accused of breaking into the car wash where he formerly worked and stealing 5,619 quarters (worth $1404.75, and weighing 71 pounds) and another $1000 in bills.  The owner suspected it was an inside job because the theft was committed just after the cash machines had been restocked.  Schmitz's name in particular came up as someone who was unhappy with the owner and had openly talked about getting back at him.

Having thus set the stage for being apprehended, Schmitz then continued to perform.  During the week after the burglary, the unemployed Schmitz reportedly "bought a car, and was seen purchasing items using only quarters."  (I admit I had hoped that he tried to buy the car with quarters, but that sentence suggests he didn't.)  The police also found it suspicious that "Schmitz told a woman the night of the burglary that he did not have enough money to purchase drugs but called her the next day saying he now had cash to buy cocaine."  (That must have been where at least some of the bills went, unless coke dealers take quarters.)  Police also found about 400 quarters and a broken lock -- presumably from the car wash, although the report doesn't say -- in Schmitz's house and car.

I guess most of this is circumstantial evidence, but unless Schmitz has a really good non-criminal explanation for all those quarters, taken together it might be enough to seal the deal.

Link: Fond du Lac Reporter