Lowering the Bar

ABA Demotes Gonzales from "Lawyer" to "Newsmaker" of the Year

On December 12, the ABA posted a statement on its website announcing that it had named former U.S Attorney General Alberto Gonzales as "Lawyer of the Year" for 2007.

Feedback was received.

Two days later, it posted another statement saying that its terminology had been misunderstood, and that "Lawyer of the Year" was not intended as an accolade but rather only to mean "the year's biggest legal newsmaker."  It noted that Time Magazine  has followed a similar policy and has occasionally faced a similar controversy.  (Bonus trivia points if you can name Time's "Dictators of the Year" for 1938 and 1939.)  The Journal regretted that it had not made its theme clear.  "We appreciate the feedback we've received," the statement said, "and we're acting on it."

Gonzales is now the "Newsmaker of the Year."  The story is (allegedly) otherwise unchanged.

The new rationale left many commenters still unhappy, noting that the title still sounded like an award and so headlines would likely give that impression.  "[B]y your standards, Michael Vick should be named 'Quarterback of the Year,'" said one comment posted on the ABA's website.

Runners-up for the position of Newsmaker [Who Happens to Be a Lawyer] of the Year included other controversial figures such as Michael Nifong, who prosecuted (for a while) the Duke University lacrosse players charged with rape.  Nifong really should be the Newsmaker [Who Used to Be a Lawyer] of the Year because he no longer has a license to practice law.  Also on the list, "Scooter Libby," Howard K. "Not Anna Nicole's Baby Daddy" Stern, and Marvelous Monica Goodling, among others.

Oddly, the ABA has already named the Newsmakers [Who Happen to Be Lawyers] of the Year for 2008, though no news has yet been made during that year.  The predicted winner: new U.S. Attorney General Michael Mukasey, who is indeed very likely to make a headline or two.  Still, seems like we could wait to name the biggest newsmaker of 2008 until after that person has actually made news in 2008.

Link: American Bar Association (the statement)
Link: ABA Journal (the newsmaker story itself)

Italian Court Renames Couple's Baby

A court in Genoa, Italy, has ordered that a 15-month-old boy be renamed "Gregory" after finding that the name his parents chose, "Friday," violated an administrative rule that precludes giving children "ridiculous or shameful" names.

The boy, who was born on a Friday, was baptized as "Friday" and was successfully registered under that name at the local city hall.  But a few months later a clerk at city hall apparently came across the name somehow, and took it upon himself or herself to bring it to the attention of the court.  It ruled this month that the name, which the parents had chosen and God seems to have ratified, was in fact "ridiculous."

Don't let your child end up kneeling in a woodcut

According to the court, "Friday" was a bad name because Italians traditionally consider Friday an unlucky day, and because the name might draw mocking comparisons to Robinson Crusoe's "man Friday" in the novel by Daniel Defoe.  The court described that Friday as Crusoe's "servile savage."  Saying that it believed it was protecting the child from a name that might, among other things, hinder him from developing "serene interpersonal relationships," it ordered the child to be re-registered.

I have also had problems developing serene interpersonal relationships, but I didn't have any idea my first name could have something to do with it.

After the decision, the boy's mother revealed the couple's disturbing motive for naming the boy in this manner: "We named him Friday because we like the sound of the name."  She seemed a little upset that the court had gotten involved.  "I am livid about this," she complained. "A court should not waste its time with things like this when there is so much more to worry about.  My son was born Friday, baptized Friday, will call himself Friday, we will call him Friday but when he gets older he will have to sign his name Gregory."

The court chose "Gregory" not just because it liked the sound of the name or some other pagan reason like that, but because the boy was born on the feast day of St. Gregory.  The report didn't give details, but I think this has to be St. Gregory the Great, the 64th Pope, who died in 604.  I can't be completely sure -- I looked this up on one of my favorite websites, the Catholic Forum's Patron Saints Index, which lists thirty-seven Gregorys in various stages of the saintifying process.  But this looks like the main Gregory, his feast day is in the right month, and he's the one who came up with the "Gregorian chants" so I want to give him credit for something anyway.

I love the Index because there appear to be patron saints for pretty much everything.  Some things have multiple patrons but some saints have to work more than one job.  Yes, there are patron saints for lawyers, the best-known being St. Thomas More, who is also a patron saint for politicians, civil servants, and the diocese of Pensacola-Tallahassee, Florida, among other things.  There is a patron saint for lawsuits, and another one for "lawsuits lost unjustly." 

Doesn't surprise me that they needed to assign someone separately to that last category.

Link: CBS News
Link: Law-related patron saints

Santa Groped

Once again, 'tis the season for Christmas-assault cases.  Most of these stories involve simple assault and battery upon (on sometimes by) Santa Claus, but this is the first such story I've come across in which someone touched his Kringle.

A woman in Danbury, Connecticut, has been charged with fourth-degree sexual assault and breach of the peace after Claus told police she had "touched him inappropriately" while sitting on his lap.  The report did not say much about the suspect but did say that she was quickly caught and easily identified because she was on crutches.  Police said that Claus, whose age was given as 65, was "shocked and embarrassed by the whole incident," especially because children were waiting to see him at the time.  The woman was arrested and has a post-Christmas court date.

Confusingly, the report quoted another "Claus," who is apparently not related to the victim but who runs a business called RealSantas.com (a.k.a. "The Kringle Group, LLC"), which pays hundreds of people, who clearly are not in fact real Santas, to publicly impersonate him.  This Claus, "Santa Tim" Claus, said he had never heard of such an incident although he said it was not at all unusual for adult women to get on Santa's lap.  "I've had some very nice ladies sit on my lap," said the purported Claus, which could mean different things depending on how he said it.  "Once in a while they'll say 'I hope Mrs. Claus isn't going to be upset,'" Claus continued.  "You have to be discreet and kind and say, 'Oh, no, she'll be okay.  You can sit here, but only for one photo!'"  Photos beyond the first must be taken in Santa's Winter Chalet!  The mall closes at 9!  Ho, ho, ho!

Disclaimer: to my knowledge no one affiliated with RealSantas.com has ever actually cheated on his Mrs. Claus.  The Kringle Group, L.L.C., notes that all of its Santas must pass a background check by a third-party agency, and are required to have an entertainers' liability insurance policy.  In this way, one can be sure that one's children are "safe in the hands of Santa."

How the lap of Santa will be kept safe is still an open question.

Link: WFSB.com (Hartford, CT)
Link: The Amalgamated Order of Real Bearded Santas

UPDATE: Snowball-Assault Case Dismissed "In Interest of Justice"

I wrote last week about the prosecution of Andrew Thistleton in Summit County, Colorado, for assaulting a woman with a snowball.  Over the weekend I learned that the Summit County DA's office moved on Thursday to dismiss the case in the "best interest of justice," if Thistleton agreed to write a letter of apology.  Thistleton agreed to that and the judge granted the motion, bringing this saga to an end.

Afterward, DA Mark Hurlbert claimed that the letter-for-dismissal offer had actually been on the table for 10 months, and suggested that defense attorney Lisa Moses had taken a hard line on the case only after it began to attract publicity.  Moses denied that, saying she was "appalled" by the suggestion.

Either way, Thistleton was very happy about the outcome.  "It's just a never-ending nightmare," he said, "but now it's finally over."  Now that the never-ending nightmare has ended, Thistleton and his mother have flown home to Australia, where it will be much easier for them to avoid being reminded of snow.

Link: Summit Daily News