Introduction to the Preamble to the Disclaimer
After over a year of doing this, I have finally gotten around to posting an Official Disclaimer and Policies. (Yes, if you were a client, I would move a lot more quickly than that.) These will also be available at any time by simply clicking on the appropriate link in the left-hand column, a link lovingly hand-crafted by me to ensure the best possible clicking experience for you, the reader. But I thought it was also a good idea to post them at least once right here on the front page.
With that, here is the disclaimer.
Preamble to the Disclaimer
First of all (apart from the introduction above, which obviously had to come first), I would like to thank you for reading Lowering the Bar, and now for taking the time to read this disclaimer. So few people actually read disclaimers these days. Truly, you are the unsung heroes of our nation.
(This is actually not yet the disclaimer itself but rather more of an introductory note and thank-you message. The actual disclaimer will begin in just a moment.)
I suppose that the preceding sentence, while not technically the Lowering the Bar disclaimer, is something that limits the scope of that disclaimer and so could be considered sort of a disclaimer disclaimer. So, to that extent, it was a disclaimer although not the disclaimer. The same is true for this paragraph, so, as you can see, this kind of retarded introductory banter could go on for pages were I not every bit as fed up with it as you are, and equally eager to move on to the actual legally binding disclaimer itself. So, the next thing you read will be that.
The Actual and Legally Binding Disclaimer
(not this heading itself but the text below)
This Site Does Not Give Legal Advice: This website and blog is intended for entertainment purposes only and should not be relied on for legal advice. It is not impossible that you might learn something useful here and that the thing you learn might be related to the law. But that would be pure coincidence, and free, and so not “advice” that you should rely on.
As far as accuracy goes, every story on Lowering the Bar (this is still part of the disclaimer, just a new paragraph of it) cites at least one source that I consider to be reputable. WARNING: I consider Wikipedia to be “reputable,” depending on the circumstances. What this means, really, is that I don’t make stories up – everything here is at least based on a true story. There are sometimes embellishments or additions for comedy purposes -- it is assumed that you can tell the difference, and if not, may I recommend the Reader’s Digest Joke-0-Matic?
Having said that, I make no representations, warranties, or any other kinds of binding legal promises that any of the facts or legal theories presented here are in fact true or valid. In fact, many of the stories here at least involve facts or legal theories that couldn’t possibly be true or valid, and yet somebody somewhere thought they might be. Don’t make the same mistake they did.
Also, stories posted here may involve numerous U.S. states, territories, commonwealths, districts of Columbia, and/or foreign jurisdictions in which I am not licensed to practice law and in which I do not get paid to research. Believe it or not, I am licensed in California and Missouri and am admitted to the bar of a fair number of federal courts, and I do get paid to give a lot of legal advice. But this isn’t that.
(the disclaimer as such has now ended)
Errors or Material Omissions: if you see any of these in a story here, please tell me. I will fix it if I made an important mistake (it could happen), although again all the actual facts here are drawn from sources that are already public. I won’t necessarily change or delete something that is true just because you ask me to do that. But I might.
Submissions: please feel free to email tips, leads, links, suggestions, paternity claims, etc. I get a lot of great tips this way and appreciate it. If you want credit for a submission, let me know – for some reason, possibly a desire to keep their jobs, most people seem not to want credit.
Comments policy: I haven't enabled the comments feature. I like my job too much. I have in the past quoted people who emailed me with really good or interesting or comical or just flat-out insane things to say about a story. Like the professor who thought I had not been fair to the Taiwanese legislator who was so strongly opposed to a bill coming up for a vote that she ate it. She ate the paper copy of the bill so that they could not vote on it. He described this to me as a “simple” and “brilliant” legislative strategy. I included that comment in a followup post out of respect for his knowledge of the politics and legislative process in Taiwan, although I did not change my personal evaluation of the bill-eating strategy. So email me if you have something you want to add and I very well may quote you. But no standard comments. I may add moderated comments in the future.
Email-responding policy: I try but can’t always. NOTE: the chances of me even reading an email are greatly reduced if it (1) has no subject line at all; (2) the subject or sender include the words “viagra,” “cialis,” “penis,” or any other French words; or (3) the sender’s name has a middle initial displayed, which seems to be a spam indicator, especially if the name is something like “Euphonius Q. Supertramp” (the name on one email I actually received).
If your real name actually is "Euphonius Q. Supertramp,” or anything like it, I apologize for not writing you back but suggest that you make up a normal-sounding fake name for purposes of writing me. Also that you use that name for all other purposes too for the rest of your life.
Linking policy: I probably will.
Bestiality policy: I certainly will not.
Job preservation policy: This blog and everything on or about it or affiliated with it that I have created is the sole property and responsibility of me, “me” meaning M. Kevin Underhill, California state bar number 208211, Missouri state bar number 44582. It should not be blamed on or attributed to my employer, Shook, Hardy and Bacon LLP, or to any attorney or employee of that firm (except for me).