Lowering the Bar

Barack Obama's Fight Against Vampires Set to Music

You may know that Barack Obama was president of the Harvard Law Review, but you probably didn't know that he then became engaged in a fight against a secret society of student vampires.  Now that story is not only being told, there is a musical version.

Barackula - The Musical is . . . well, here's their synopsis:

Barackula is a short political horror rock musical about young Barack Obama having to stave off a secret society of vampires at Harvard when he was inducted into presidency at the Harvard Law Review in 1990. Obama (Justin Sherman) finds that he must convince the vampire society that opposing political philosophies can coexist or else the society may transform Obama to the dark side.

The musical, which is also being made into a short film, is described as "reminiscent [of] Michael Jackson's Thriller [with] a slight infusion of Jesus Christ Superstar . . . ."  The "dancing Harvard student vampires" are said to be a highlight.

There does not appear to be any actual connection to Harvard.

Link: Barackula, The Musical

Ballot Proposal to Turn Alcatraz Into "Global Peace Center" Fails

Let's take a short break from mourning for the shattered dream of a Romney presidency and remember another casualty of Super Tuesday: the Alcatraz proposal on the San Francisco ballot.  Proposition C would have changed city policy towards the island, hoping to turn the former prison into a more uplifting kind of monument, but it failed to pass.

I voted for this proposal.  I have long thought it is a shame that, while New York City has the Statue of Liberty on its harbor island, San Francisco, of all places, has a prison.  Yes, it's historical, but why is that a piece of history we want to remember?  Sure, it's a tourist attraction, but if you enjoy vacation trips that involve cramped boat rides and being locked in a cell, Carnival Cruise Lines has a better buffet.  So I say, blow up the prison and build something there we can be proud of.

And there's the problem -- getting San Franciscans to agree on what we would be proud of.

Proposition C, unfortunately, was sponsored by the "Global Peace Foundation," which wants to turn Alcatraz into -- not surprisingly -- a Global Peace Center.  Exactly what this means was not entirely clear, and I'm not sure it was all that clear to the GPF.  While the plan did involve removing the main prison block, which I'm all for, it then involved replacing it with a "Harmonium," which I'm less sure about.

The Foundation's website (which may now be down) described the Harmonium as "an aesthetically beautiful multi-faceted geodesic dome" that would "employ advanced three dimensional holographic sound technologies and other special effect technologies which will which will [sic] promote and elicit a deep meditative, transpersonal and transcendental experience!  An Ascension Experience!!"  The sun would shine on it all the time.  There would also be a statue of St. Francis and as a nod to those who love prisons, an Alcatraz Museum.  The "jagged cliffs" of the Rock would be smoothed and "redesigned with graceful curves," and a "permanent MEDICINE WHEEL and LABYRINTH" would provide "sacred sanctuary and ceremonial spaces."

The GPF's director says that this vision came to him in "a flash, and I wasn't on any drugs, either."

The director, who goes by the name "DaVid" (or "Da Vid" -- reports vary) told the SF Chronicle the island is a "major power point" for planetary energy.  Apparently it can also generate money, because when asked who would pay the estimated $1 billion cost of the project, he said that "money will come."  He suggested the Bechtel Corporation could "create some good karma" by doing it for free.

I voted for this despite the freaky details because I like the basic idea and didn't expect it to win anyway.  Apparently, about 58,000 people felt the same way.  Proposition C failed, but got 58,750 votes (151,555 voted no), meaning that 27.94% of San Francisco voters supported this fairly loony proposition.

1.13% of them supported Mitt Romney.

Link: New York Times
Link: San Francisco Chronicle
Link: Global Peace Foundation

Snack Analysis Leads to Thief

It seems fairly common for burglars to treat themselves to a snack while they are burgling -- occasionally one will even stop to make himself an omelette or something like that -- but it may become less so if this story is widely distributed in the burglar community.

A 37-year-old man was reportedly linked to an April burglary in Darmstadt, Germany, by saliva-borne DNA he left on a slice of salami he snacked on during the crime.  German police announced on January 31 that the suspect, who was already in custody on suspicion of committing 19 other burglaries, had been linked to the Darmstadt theft by the DNA evidence.

A police spokesman said that the man had broken into the office of a workshop, stole cash and caused damage worth about 3,400 euros (now, sadly, worth over $5,000).  It was not clear whether that valuation included the damage to the salami, which the burglar happened across at the scene.  "He didn't bring the salami with him," the spokesman said.  "It was just lying around in the office."

You can now add one to your list of reasons not to eat a piece of salami that you find "just lying around," especially if you are in the middle of a crime.  And if you can't resist taking a bite, in the age of DNA analysis be aware that you had better eat the whole thing to get rid of the evidence.

Link: Reuters

City Sues to Force Alleged Recycler to Keep Trash Service

Eddie House of San Carlos, California, was sued on January 22 by the city of San Carlos, California, for municipal code violations related to garbage.  The problem is apparently that Mr. House doesn't generate any.  Garbage, that is.

House, who claims to "care" about the so-called "environment," says he recycles virtually everything he uses and disposes of what little is left over in ways that makes it unnecessary for him to have his garbage picked up by the city.  So he canceled that service about a year ago.  "It's just me and my dog," he said, "so I don't have a whole lot of garbage to begin with and I recycle everything."

As a result, the city is suing House to force him to maintain trash service, whether he needs it or not.

According to the report, the lawsuit alleges that House's failure to pay for the pickup of trash he doesn't generate is a violation of the municipal code, which requires everyone to contract with the Allied Waste company for pickup at least once a week, or more, possibly, if you don't need it more often than that.  The city is seeking a permanent injunction that would force House to follow that requirement.

"I don't understand a city ordinance that requires you to fill up a can," said House.  "That's downright foolishness."

A city manager told the Examiner that the lawsuit was prompted by complaints from neighbors that House was burning some of the garbage, causing a bad smell.  (If that's true, seems like the remedy should be an order forbidding him to burn things.)  House admits the fire department has been to his home several times, but says that each time he was only burning (evil-smelling?) firewood.  He believes the lawsuit is retaliation for his own complaints about the building next door, a charge the city manager denies.

"We don't go out looking for these things," he said.

Link: Examiner.com

Lawsuit Appears Likely Against Collection Agency For Letter Addressed to "Mr. S__t Face"

Attorney Kenneth Hiller of Buffalo, New York, says his client plans to sue Nationwide Collections Inc. based on a letter he received in October 2007.  The agency was trying to collect an unpaid Columbia House record club membership fee of $16.96, and despite the low amount the letter began somewhat aggressively by addressing the recipient as "Dear S__t."  (The envelope was addressed to a "Mr. S__t Face.")

It is illegal to use profanity or threats to collect a debt, which is what has Mr. Hiller so worked up.  "I've never seen anything quite so brazen," he cried, which suggests he has not been paying a lot of attention over the last forty years or so.  There's been a fair amount of brazenness since you were frozen during the Eisenhower administration, sir, I'm sorry to say.

But this could only be "brazen" if it had been deliberate, and Nationwide's president, at least, says it wasn't.  Phillip McGarvey said that the letter had been generated automatically after the agency bought 350,000 delinquent Columbia House accounts.  He explained that the letter was simply sent to "Mr. S__t Face" because that is the name under which the account was opened.  "It looks bad to the observer who is not familiar with the industry," McGarvey said, "but anybody who understands the volume [of letters involved] would understand how this could happen. . . . You've also got people filling in famous people's names."  McGarvey did not explain why a registration coupon for "Mr. S___ Face" would have been processed in the first place.

Hiller says his client has signed an affidavit stating that he did not sign himself up for a membership posing as any member of the Face family, let alone this one.  He said they would be filing a complaint against Nationwide next week.

Link: AP via SFGate.com
Link: Turning the tables on Columbia House (from McSweeney's)