Continuing with the theme of ways to get out of jury service, here's one that was tried in January by Erik Slye, a busy citizen of Gallatin County, Montana. You may want to take this down and copy it onto your next affidavit requesting to be excused from jury duty:
I, [your name here], being first duly sworn upon oath, depose and say that jury service would entail undue hardship on me and that I request to be excused from jury service for the following reasons: Apparently you morons didn't understand me the first time. I CANNOT take time off from work. I'm not putting my family's wellbeing at stake to participate in this crap. I don't believe in our "justice" system and I don't want to have a goddam thing to do with it. Jury service is a complete waste of time. I would rather count the wrinkles on my dog's balls than sit on a jury. Get it through your thick skulls. Leave me the **** alone.
(Emphasis added.) Now, sign that and have it notarized, send it in, and you're done.
Oh, you should reserve some time for a possible jail sentence, since refusing to comply with a jury summons is a crime. (Although, on the bright side, I suppose that might provide a chance for some more wrinkle-counting, if that's the kind of thing you enjoy.) Slye was re-summoned to court and threatened with jail, but - remarkably - after apologizing to the judge he was not only released, but was actually excused from serving.
So, please make a note -- this strategy has been successful, but involves substantial risk.
Link: The Smoking Gun
Link: Popehat
