- On December 18, a North Carolina jury awarded $501,000 to a man who alleged he was shot in the arm by bodyguards for Waka Flocka Flame, who, as you either know or have accurately surmised, is a rapper. The plaintiff was approaching Flame in a parking lot when the bodyguards shot him; he said he had only been trying to give Flame a demo CD, but "people close to Waka Flocka" said it was attempted robbery. Since Flame was reportedly wearing over $100,000 of bling at the time, this was not implausible, but ultimately the jury did not buy that explanation.
- Prosecutors in Las Vegas have filed charges against the two UC Berkeley law students who allegedly pulled the head off a bird in October. Actually, it appears that one is accused of the actual decapitation (felony bird murder) and the other only of "instigating, engaging in or furthering" it (a misdemeanor). The latter's attorney said he was pleased that the DA had decided on a lesser charge for his client. "It's an acknowledgement that he did not physically harm the bird," he said.
- In other animal news, the Bristol Post reported last week that the owner of a dog in North Somerset, England, was fined £1,000 for allowing it to bark excessively. "Excessive" in this case was 863 barks in 23 minutes, which is 37.5 barks per minute or one bark every 1.6 seconds for 23 minutes. The barks were counted by an officer who visited the property to gather evidence, and presumably made 863 little marks on a piece of paper while developing a splitting headache.
- In what could also be described as animal-themed news, the headline "Urinating man made noise like elephant" appeared in the Plymouth Herald last week, and is really all you need in order to fully understand that story.
- I don't know if there's a manual for aspiring mall Santas, but if there is it probably directs them not to tell children that Santa isn't real. Other subjects that should be considered off-limits: the Sandy Hook school shooting. (The mall said it had fired this Santa and replaced him with someone more "festive.")
- And in a final holiday-themed news item, a judge in Louisiana ruled on Dec. 22 that a woman had the right to hang her Christmas lights in the shape of a hand with its middle finger raised as a message to her neighbors. Police told the woman to take down the Christmas finger, saying it violated the town's "obscenity statute," but it turned out the town doesn't have one of those. The local ACLU helped the woman get a temporary restraining order to preserve the display pending a full hearing, which will take place on January 7.
- Happy holidays!
