Then I was told it would be in the warehouse by December 18, or maybe the 19th.
Or maybe it was. After some further checking, it turns out that the books were in fact in the warehouse for some time—I have no idea how long—but under a different title, the working title that was dumped some time ago. So they were there all along but not actually being sold to people. Which, as a new author, I foolishly thought was the point of writing a book! Ha! A-ha! Ha! Ha. ha. <fumes>
Anyway, that has now been fixed and as of Friday morning, Dec. 20, the book is actually available and orders are processing normally. That is according to the same sources who gave the previous assurances, of course, although the website has now also come to life, so there is that. But to the best of my knowledge, physical copies of the book are now being shipped to people who want them.
It turns out this is how one sells a book! By actually making it physically available to people! And telling them how to get it in exchange for money!
Here is some good news, though: because of the delay, the publisher has agreed to ship all the books that were pre-ordered via next-day air so that people can still get them by Christmas Eve. So if you ordered it between the 10th and the 19th, or maybe even early this morning, it is being shipped next-day air even if you only paid for UPS ground. (If you have already paid extra to get my book sooner, unlikely as that may be, let me know and I will see what if anything can be done.)
Please understand that I can't really guarantee that, partly just because this may be another part of a very elaborate practical joke someone is playing on me, pretending that we are "publishing a book" called, of all things, The Emergency Sasquatch Ordinance. But I am told that this is happening, and it is true that the website now says that orders (including mine!) are processing normally.
Finally, I have had quite a few requests for autographed copies, which odd as it may be is very gratifying. (I guess if I suddenly break into fake sign language at an event featuring world leaders or something like that, my autograph could become valuable. You never know.) I am of course happy to do this, but obviously I can't autograph books I don't have yet, and so because of the delay I won't be able to get those to you for a while. But if you want one, contact me directly and I will arrange it.
Thanks for your patience with this, and most of all, thanks again for your interest in the book. Happy holidays.