Lowering the Bar

Probation May Be Revoked for Sharing

A judge in Vinton County, Ohio, has been asked to revoke probation for Timothy Caudill and send him to prison for nine months.  The offense: sharing a Little Debbie snack cake without permission.

At the time of the infraction, Caudill was in a halfway house while on probation for breaking into a bar last year.  Prosecutors, apparently having dealt with every other crime in Vinton County, charge that Caudill bought the snack cake -- reportedly an oatmeal-creme pie -- from a vending machine and shared it with another inmate who was "on restriction," a punishment status that apparently precludes snacking.  That is a clear rule violation, they say, and therefore prison time is warranted.  According to some other reports, Caudill has a history of other rule violations -- although whether they were equally serious is not clear -- and so the unauthorized pie-sharing was merely the last straw, not something they would have prosecuted standing alone.

As Caudill's attorney suggested, keeping him in the halfway house would leave cell space open for those who have committed more serious crimes, such as possibly eating Oreo cookies in some nontraditional way.

Link:  AP via Yahoo! News

Robber Awarded $1 Million for Violating Probation

A judge in Massachusetts has ruled that a convicted two-time bank robber can keep a $1 million lottery prize he won recently, even though playing the lottery violated the terms of his probation.

Timothy Elliott pleaded guilty to unarmed robbery in 2006 (he had previously spent two years in jail for the armed kind), and was given five years of probation, which among other things required him not to "gamble, purchase lottery tickets or visit an establishment where gaming is conducted . . . ."  Nonetheless, in November 2007 Elliott bought a $10 ticket for the Massachusetts lottery, and won.  Two days after he picked up his first check, he was invited to court to discuss what should happen to the money.

The lottery commission and probation department both recommended that Elliott be allowed to keep the money, and on Friday, January 18,  Superior Court Judge Richard Connon agreed.  Elliott will be required, however, to pay $65 a month for the costs of his probation, a fee that had previously been waived because Elliott had no money.  He will now have to pay that amount out of the $50,000 check he will receive from the state each year for the next 20 years.

I've provided a picture of Mr. Elliott here in case you are putting together a ZZ Top tribute band and need someone who can buy his own instruments.  I had to get this one from the Boston Globe because, while the Massachusetts State Lottery publishes pictures and press releases about big winners on its website, oddly enough Mr. Elliott is not mentioned there at all.

Link: Boston Globe
Link: AP via SF Gate.com

Noise Ordinance Violators Sentenced to Easy Listening

A judge in Fort Lupton, Colorado (northeast of Denver) has received some attention for his creative sentencing of people who violate the town's noise ordinance.  As these are mostly young people who cruise around the streets of Fort Lupton with music (possibly even the dreaded "rap") blaring out their car windows, Judge Paul Sacco has devised a punishment that he says fits the crime.

Manilow.

About four times a year, Judge Sacco has the ordinance violators gather in his courtroom, where they must remain for a full hour while a boombox blares the likes of Barry Manilow, The Carpenters, Barney, and Dolly Parton -- not the good Dolly Parton they might be okay with, but the Dolly Parton cover of "I Will Always Love You," which I think they also played at Abu Ghraib.  "When you have a person playing rap at extreme volumes all over the city," said the judge, "and they have to sit down and listen for an hour to Barry Manilow, it's horrible punishment."

Adding to the cruel-and-unusual-ness of the punishment, offenders must pay attention during the full  hour, and may not sleep, eat, drink, read, or chew gum.  As the CBS clip at the link below demonstrates, many find the first few minutes comical, but the laughter stops as the torture continues.

Judge Sacco has been imposing the punishment for over ten years, and says there have been very few repeat offenders.

Link: CBS4denver.com

Latest "Shaming" Punishment Involves Chicken-Suit Perp Walk

A judge in Painesville, Ohio, has agreed to suspend a jail sentence for men who pleaded guilty to solicitation, in exchange for their agreement to spend three hours walking around outside in a chicken suit.

The men also agreed to carry signs that read, "No Chicken Ranch in Our City," referring to the (in)famous "Chicken Ranch" brothel in Nevada.  The signs were printed in both English and Spanish (No Gallinero en Nuestro Ciudad) to encourage bilingual scorn.  The judge in question is apparently known for creative sentences, many of which, according to the report, "involve barnyard animals."

The video clip is worth watching especially for the all-too-brief "interview" with one of the chicken men, who helpfully confirms on-camera that yes, the sentence is in fact "very embarrassing."  Embarrassment level enhanced by the TV station's decision to show the name of the man inside the suit while he (foolishly) gave them a quote.

How many times to I have to say it, people?  Do not talk to the media while wearing a costume.

Link: AP via Yahoo! News (video)
Link: AP Odd News Video Page

Locking Kid in Closet During Packers Game Results in Jail Time

On Monday, a Milwaukee couple were sentenced to jail time after they pleaded guilty to charges that they locked the woman's 7-year-old son in a closet while they went to a casino to watch a Packers game last season.

They did provide him with a loaf of bread, some peanut butter and jelly, and a bucket, but the judge still did not consider this an example of good parenting.  (This poor kid even had to make his own sandwich, for God's sake.)  Calling their conduct "abhorrent" and saying that it "certainly shocks the conscience of the community," Judge Jeffrey Wagner ordered the two to undergo psychological screening in addition to serving seven and nine months (respectively) in jail, with another four years of probation.  The boy will stay with relatives.

According to the report, the assistant DA told the judge at the sentencing hearing that the couple had enough money to hire a babysitter, but didn't, and he showed the judge pictures of the couple's "extensive collection of Packers memorabilia."  Depending on when the conduct took place, he may also have mentioned that the Packers were not particularly competitive last year, so not only is the conduct abhorrent, it probably wasn't even a very good game.

The couple's defense attorney said he couldn't explain their behavior, but seems to have argued that it did not merit extensive jail time.  "What do you do?" he said to the judge.  "Maybe this coming football season, lock them in a room with a bucket and make them watch Bears games."

Well, we don't torture people, I've heard, so we can't do that.  If they can get NFL games in Egypt, though, we might think about sending them over there one weekend.

Link: CBS News

Judge Tells Convicted Vandals to Trash Their Own Cars

Josh Breeding and Christopher Lyons were found guilty of "splattering up another man's vehicle" (I assume these charges have some other formal name like maybe "vandalism") with paintball guns in an Ohio court yesterday.  The municipal court judge hearing their case imposed a paint-related sentence.  He gave them the choice between 60 days in jail or "splattering up" their own cars and then cleaning up the mess.  They have apparently chosen the splattering.

Lyons and Breeding were also ordered to apologize the victim, pay court costs, and spend 40 hours painting a house for Habitat for Humanity.

Link: AP via MyWay News