Lowering the Bar

Leona Helmsley Leaves $12 Million to Dog

The Associated Press reports today that Leona Helmsley, the billionaire who became notorious in the 1980s for saying "Only the little people pay taxes," and who died earlier this month, has left $12 million to her dog.

Helmsley's will, made public yesterday, leaves $12 million to Trouble, a white Maltese, and directs that when Trouble dies, she is to be buried next to Helmsley in the Helmsley mausoleum.  Helmsley left most of her assets to the Leona M. and Harry B. Helmsley Charitable Trust, but the dog's trust fund is the largest single bequest Helmsley made to any individual.  She left $5 million each to her brother (who was named the dog's caretaker) and two of her four grandchildren, so long as they visit their father's grave once a year.  (The need for that requirement suggests this was a very close-knit family.)  If they don't, they lose everything.

Any angst they may feel at getting less than half what the dog did may be tempered by the knowledge that the two other grandchildren got nothing at all.  Helmsley wrote that she was stiffing those two for "reasons that are known to them."

Those must have been pretty good reasons, because Helmsley was still worth billions at the time of her death, and coughed up not only $12 million for the dog but $3 million for the upkeep of the Helmsley mausoleum, which is to be "washed or steam-cleaned at least once a year."  I guess that leaves the door open to any of you who would like to steam-clean the Helmsley mausoleum more often than that.

Helmsley also left her chauffeur a hundred grand.

Link: FindLaw.com

Hong Kong Tycoon Leaves Everything to Feng Shui Master

And you thought feng shui was just a charade.  Nina Wang didn't, and she was the richest woman in Asia, and the 154th richest person in the world, according to Forbes Magazine.  Wang, who died earlier this month, was appropriately eccentric -- she was nicknamed "Little Sweetie" because she wore pigtails, mini-skirts and had a "giggly persona" though she was almost 70 years old.  She also claimed to spend only $380 a month and liked to show her bargain buys to the media.

Wang had no children, and had reportedly drafted a will in 2002 that left most of her billions to charity.  But her lawyer published a notice today saying that the estate would not be going to charity, but instead all of it would go to a Mr. Chan Chun-chuen.  According to Reuters, "Little is known about Chan, whom the local media has reported as Wang's feng shui master or fortune teller and who once studied medicine in Canada."  Feng shui, as you know, is the ancient Chinese art of arranging furniture in such a way that it will confuse the elderly into giving you billions of dollars.

Wang's lawyer was scheduled to hold a press conference later today that may clarify why Wang left all of her money to a relative stranger instead of her family.  Not surprisingly, the family's application disputing the will has already been filed.  I have a mental picture of the family's attorney reading the notice in the paper and then blasting off to court so fast that, like in a cartoon, the paper -- and possibly even his suit -- is left fluttering in the air behind him.

A lot of my mental pictures are cartoon-like.

Link: Yahoo! News

Anna Nicole Smith Case Used as Teaching Tool

It appears unavoidable that Anna Nicole Smith's real fame now will not be for being naked, but for providing a case example, or series of examples, that will help alleviate the soul-crushing boredom of law-school classes on wills and trusts.

I have to admit that I didn't mind that class.  I just like the phrase "soul-crushing boredom."

Jessica Gresko of the Associated Press writes this week about the fact that Smith's story was already featured in some textbooks even when it was just a feud with J. Howard Marshall's family over his massive estate.  "One poorly drafted will and a court dispute over her body later," though, students are now more interested than ever.  It apparently generates many questions for G. Eric Brunstad Jr., who represents Marshall's family and also teaches at Yale, although not wills and trusts.  "Can you tell us about who is going to get the body?" he says they are prone to ask.  I don't remember that being on the bar exam.

At this point, I am going to go ahead and declare victory in the readers' poll of who they believe is the real father of Smith's baby.  I got 25.4 percent of the vote, though I apparently would have lost to Larry Birkhead except that he split the second-place vote with Superstars of the Mexican Wrestling Federation.  Alexander Denk can probably fold up his tent -- I think he may have voted for himself -- since six times as many votes went to Urkel.  Thanks to everyone who voted.  I'll be sending 25.4 percent of you affidavits shortly to support my claim to paternity of the $500 million -- I mean, little Dannielynn.

Link: AP via FindLaw.com

Rich Hope to Freeze Assets as Well as Heads

Hundreds of people, maybe more, currently plan to join Ted Williams's head in frozen storage when they die, hoping that medical technology will advance to the point that they can be reanimated and revived.  The Wall Street Journal reported on Saturday about  efforts by some of these people to remember themselves, or their future selves, in their wills.

David Pizer, for example, a resort operator in Arizona, has set up a trust that would manage his current $10 million in assets until he is thawed out.  He suggests that he could be the "richest man in the world" were he to wake up in 100 years and collect all the interest that has compounded in the meantime.  (Oh, and his wife too -- he says he wants her to join him.  That's nice.)

He won't be the richest, not if Ken Weiss can help it.  Weiss, co-founder of RSA Security, is going to freeze himself too and he's worth a lot more than Pizer.  But even he will be living only in a modest apartment in Previously Dead Village if he is right that, as he claims, several (unnamed) "billionaires" are out there with similar plans.

Don Laughlin, who founded Laughlin's Casino in Laughlin, Nevada, consulted with his lawyers recently to discuss the details of a "personal revival trust," as some are calling it.  According to the article, Laughlin rejected the idea of leaving his money to a "mere biological clone," opting to gamble (get it?) on his own personal head being revived along with his own personal memories.

A lawsuit is currently pending in Broward County, Florida, over a large personal revival trust set up by Jakob P. Canaday, who died in 2004.  Shockingly, his two daughters showed up on "the eve" of his death (is that the night before or the night after you die?  might make a difference here) with a new will that leaves everything to them instead of daddy's frozen self.  Canaday's brother says the decedent's wishes should be honored, no matter how bizarre.  The daughters say nothing, having declined to comment.

I'm more on board with being shot out of a cannon, like Hunter Thompson.   Just seems more dignified than having your head frozen for hundreds of years, or until the first time the power goes out, anyway.

WSJ.com

Supreme Court Will Hear Anna Nicole Smith's Case

CNN reports today that the U.S. Supreme Court has accepted the appeal of Anna Nicole Smith, stripper-turned-Playmate-turned-reality-TV-star who is seeking $474 million from the estate of her husband, who was 89 when she married him, and who is now unsurprisingly deceased.

Smith, who I am shocked to learn was the 1993 Playmate of the Year, married J. Howard Marshall II in 1994 after they met in a strip club.  He died a year later, probably still grinning.  The legal fight over who is entitled to Marshall's millions has been going on ever since.   Smith was originally awarded the $474 million, but the award was later reduced to $89 million and then thrown out altogether.  The 9th Circuit let stand a Texas probate court's eventual decision that Marshall's son was his sole heir.

The issue before the high court will be whether and when federal courts may hear claims that also involve state probate proceedings.  But you don't really care about that.

CNN.com