Lowering the Bar

Italian Supreme Court Further Limits Groping Rights of Italian Men

The New York Times reports today that the long-cherished right of Italian men to grope freely, already under siege, has been further limited by an Italian Supreme Court decision.  The ruling, which appears to have been issued recently although the NYT did not provide a date (or citation), affirmed a man's 2006 conviction on public-indecency charges; specifically, for "ostentatiously touching his genitals through his clothing."

The ruling thus rejected the defense lawyer's contention that his client simply "had a problem with his overalls."

It is not clear from the disappointingly brief NYT report what actually prompted the ostentatious self-gropery, though we know it wasn't defective overalls.  It seems to have been a response to some sort of sign believed to be bad luck, like a passing hearse, because the report says that the opinion "struck against a broader practice: a tradition among some Italian men of warding off bad luck by grabbing [one's own] crotch."

This, the court stated, "has to be regarded as an act contrary to public decency, a concept including that nexus of socio-ethical behavioral rules requiring everyone to abstain from conduct potentially offensive to collectively held feelings of decorum."  (I assume that sounds a lot better in the original Italian.)  As a result, Italian men will now either have to find another way to ward off bad luck, or do their warding in private.

In 2005, the Italian high court, which clearly chooses to intervene only in the most important issues of the day, upheld the assault conviction of a 40-year-old man who pinched a woman's buttocks as she used a public phone.  (Women who have visited Italy may be familiar with this charming custom, by which Italian men communicate that they would like to become better acquainted with you, or at least your buttocks.)  The man received a 14-month prison sentence (suspended) for the assault.  Italian newspapers called the result "severe," and the defendant said he had become disillusioned.  "I don't believe in justice anymore," he said.

It is unclear whether there are further cases in the pipeline that may further restrict the groping rights of Italian men.

Link: New York Times (on the self-groping decision)
Link: New York Times (on the 2005 decision)

Mustache-Discrimination Case Reaches Indian Supreme Court

On Monday, February 11, justices of the Supreme Court of India heard argument in the case of a man who claims he was fired from his job at Indian Airlines because of his sizeable and "elaborate" handlebar mustache.  Initial reports were that the justices appeared likely to side with the mustache.

Joynath Victor De says that he joined Indian Airlines in 1994 and was promoted to assistant manager of flight services before an anti-elaborate-mustache policy was added to the employee manual in 1998.  He claims he was reassigned to ground duties that year after he refused to trim it, and then was "compulsorily retired" in 2001.  According to the AFP report, De "sported the elaborate mustache" as part of a family tradition.  (The phrase used in the Indian press was "kept a stout moustache" -- I spent some time trying to decide which I liked better, but I've decided they are both equally great.)

The airline apparently does make exceptions to its anti-mustache regulation for Sikhs, who do not cut their hair for religious reasons.  But a family elaborate-mustache tradition apparently does not qualify.

The basis for the claim under Indian law was not very clear, but seems to involve an alleged failure by the airline to reasonably apply the policies set forth in its operations manual.  A lower-court judge agreed with De, but the Calcutta High Court reversed.

Reportedly, the Supreme Court justices, at least those on the initial panel, were sympathetic to De's claim.  "How can a person with a moustache be removed?" asked one from the bench.  "This is a democratic country."  (Probably he meant "free country," unless the mustache was so elaborate that it gets its own vote.)  News agencies in India reported that the justices had "issued notices" to the airline, which appears to mean that they have asked it to file a written response opposing De's plea for relief.

So, elaborate-mustache wearers of the world, there is hope.

Link: AFP via Yahoo! News
Link: Press Trust of India
Link: Official Site of the 2009 World Beard and Moustache Championships

Judge Bars Holocaust Float and Dancing Hitlers from Rio's Carnaval

On January 31, a judge in Rio de Janeiro issued an order telling a group not to proceed with its plans to offer a float in the city's Carnaval parade because the Holocaust-themed float depicted a heap of naked corpses and one or more dancing Adolf Hitlers.

"I think it's in terribly bad taste," was the somewhat obvious conclusion of "sociologist and Carnaval scholar" Roberto DaMatta, who explained that a group's choice of an unusual or even shocking theme might be explained by the festival's "sacrilegious origins."  He conceded, though, that this was a little outdated.  "We're not in the Middle Ages anymore," he said.  "It doesn't work in a modern society."

Besides being in bad taste, the theme also violated Brazilian laws prohibiting racism and the display of Nazi propaganda, which were the basis of the lawsuit by the Jewish Federation of Rio de Janeiro.  "It's inadmissible," said a spokesman, "that they could have a parade float depicting dead Jews and a live Hitler on top of them."  The group responsible for the float insisted that it was consistent with its overall theme, "It Gives You Goose Bumps," noting that its other floats depicted the "shock of birth," fear, and cold.  Its creative director, Paulo Barros, said he believed the float was a "very respectful" reminder of the Holocaust and was meant only as a reminder that it should not be repeated.

But the judge sided with the plaintiffs.  Saying the float was a "trivialization of barbaric events," and that Carnaval "should not be used as an instrument of hatred," she said the group would be fined if it ignored her order and proceeded with its plans.  The apparent plan to have multiple dancing Hitlers came in for special criticism.  The decision reportedly threatened fines of $113,000 if the bodies (mannequins) were displayed, plus another $28,000 "for each dancer dressed as Hitler."

The group said it had never planned to have a dancing Hitler (let alone several), but refused to comment on the reference to that effect in the official parade description of the float.

Link: AP via SFGate.com
Link: BBC News

Italian Court Renames Couple's Baby

A court in Genoa, Italy, has ordered that a 15-month-old boy be renamed "Gregory" after finding that the name his parents chose, "Friday," violated an administrative rule that precludes giving children "ridiculous or shameful" names.

The boy, who was born on a Friday, was baptized as "Friday" and was successfully registered under that name at the local city hall.  But a few months later a clerk at city hall apparently came across the name somehow, and took it upon himself or herself to bring it to the attention of the court.  It ruled this month that the name, which the parents had chosen and God seems to have ratified, was in fact "ridiculous."

Don't let your child end up kneeling in a woodcut

According to the court, "Friday" was a bad name because Italians traditionally consider Friday an unlucky day, and because the name might draw mocking comparisons to Robinson Crusoe's "man Friday" in the novel by Daniel Defoe.  The court described that Friday as Crusoe's "servile savage."  Saying that it believed it was protecting the child from a name that might, among other things, hinder him from developing "serene interpersonal relationships," it ordered the child to be re-registered.

I have also had problems developing serene interpersonal relationships, but I didn't have any idea my first name could have something to do with it.

After the decision, the boy's mother revealed the couple's disturbing motive for naming the boy in this manner: "We named him Friday because we like the sound of the name."  She seemed a little upset that the court had gotten involved.  "I am livid about this," she complained. "A court should not waste its time with things like this when there is so much more to worry about.  My son was born Friday, baptized Friday, will call himself Friday, we will call him Friday but when he gets older he will have to sign his name Gregory."

The court chose "Gregory" not just because it liked the sound of the name or some other pagan reason like that, but because the boy was born on the feast day of St. Gregory.  The report didn't give details, but I think this has to be St. Gregory the Great, the 64th Pope, who died in 604.  I can't be completely sure -- I looked this up on one of my favorite websites, the Catholic Forum's Patron Saints Index, which lists thirty-seven Gregorys in various stages of the saintifying process.  But this looks like the main Gregory, his feast day is in the right month, and he's the one who came up with the "Gregorian chants" so I want to give him credit for something anyway.

I love the Index because there appear to be patron saints for pretty much everything.  Some things have multiple patrons but some saints have to work more than one job.  Yes, there are patron saints for lawyers, the best-known being St. Thomas More, who is also a patron saint for politicians, civil servants, and the diocese of Pensacola-Tallahassee, Florida, among other things.  There is a patron saint for lawsuits, and another one for "lawsuits lost unjustly." 

Doesn't surprise me that they needed to assign someone separately to that last category.

Link: CBS News
Link: Law-related patron saints

Proposed Law Would Require Thai Drivers to Stop for National Anthem

Apparently believing that citizens (or at least motorists) are not sufficiently patriotic, a group of lawmakers in Thailand have proposed a new law that would require drivers to stop whenever the national anthem is played, which in Thailand happens every day over loudspeakers at 8 a.m. and 6 p.m.

Thailand has been run by a military junta since 2006, and the 250 members of the legislature have been appointed by the generals since then.  The group proposing the new "Flag Bill" is itself made up of retired and active-duty generals.

According to the report, most Thais already stop what they are doing and stand at attention when the national anthem, Phleng chat thai, is played twice daily.  (The report didn't say whether they do this out of patriotism or a desire to not get shot.)  Gen. Pricha Rochanasena, speaking for the supporters of the Flag Bill, said that the new law would simply "allow motorists to be patriotic too."  Seems hard to argue with that -- that, and bullets.

Also supporting the extreme reasonableness of the proposed legislation: the Thai anthem is supposedly really short.  "The national anthem lasts only one minute and eight seconds, so why can't motorists stop their cars for the sake of the country?" said Rochanasena.  "They already spend more time [than that] in traffic jams anyway."

Information on the relative length of national anthems is surprisingly hard to find, but according to one report the shortest anthem is Qatar's at 32 seconds.  No trouble there -- you could respect that one while you were stopped at a red light.  There doesn't seem to be any agreement as to which is the longest, although Greece and Uruguay get mentioned a lot.  Of course, it would depend on who's singing.  For example, according to Sports Illustrated's "Dr. Z," who says he has been timing "The Star-Spangled Banner" at sporting events for 50 years, that one has been sung in as little as 1:03 (at a Falcons game in 1977) but more often is around 1:30.  Beyonce dragged it out to 2:09 in 2004.  Longest ever: somone named Leona Giles at an Oakland Raiders game -- 2:34.8.  "It was an awful, awful thing to listen to."

Point is, the Thai anthem is short but not that short.  Luckily, a vote on the bill scheduled for November 22 was deferred to allow further study, said another party member, the awesomely named Wallop Tangkananurak.  "It would be chaotic if the bill had passed as it is now," he said.

Link: Reuters
Link: Wikipedia's list of national anthems

Judges in China Ordered Not to "Frolic," Hold Hands

Earlier this month, the highest court in China's Henan province issued a comprehensive set of regulations it said were intended to "improve judicial etiquette."  They are pretty exhaustive, to the point that one might wonder what the hell exactly has been going on in courtrooms in Henan.

Some are fairly straightforward, such as those requiring that lawyers and witnesses be treated with respect, or at least that they not be called "annoying."  As the latter rule suggests, the high court seems to be concerned about some very specific phrases, including "Are you the judge or am I?" and "You will certainly lose this case."

Also no longer approved for Henan judges:

• Heavy makeup
• Tattoos or painted nails
• Hair dye
• Long hair, shaven heads, beards
• Jewelry
• "Frolicking" (no definition provided)
• Holding hands with colleagues

These rules seem to apply to male and female judges alike, except that only male judges are barred from having long hair or beards.

According to the Beijing Times, undercover officers would be deployed to monitor court proceedings and ensure the rules were being followed.  Judges who break the rules will receive "criticism and education," which, like the concept of "frolicking," was not defined further.

Link: Reuters

British Court Finds Inherent Right Not to Live in France

Those who find the French somewhat irritating, which is everyone, will be glad to know you cannot be forced to live in France if you don't want to.  At least if you are British.

This week a panel of three senior British judges ruled that two boys, ages 11 and 16, could not be forced to return to France with their mother, whose marriage to the British father was on the rocks.  (The article is not clear as to whether the two had actually been divorced.)  She had taken the boys to France with her, but foolishly brought them back for a visit.  They refused to leave again.

The woman took the case to court, saying she had the right to determine where the boys would live.  But the panel ruled that the boys, having asserted their "Britishness," "had an inherent right to refuse to live in France." 

I once went to a performance of "Henry V" at the Globe Theatre in London.  Whenever a French character appeared on stage, the audience booed.  It took me a second to realize exactly why they were booing and from then on I, too, booed at the French. You can see that as an example of the continuing strength of the Anglo-American relationship and our shared frustration with our sometimes difficult ally, or as evidence that they sell alcohol at the Globe Theatre.  It's probably a little of both.

Anyway, the chief judge in the custody case described it as an "exceptional" case.  Actually, he described it as "not just exceptional but very exceptional," although I think either something is exceptional or it isn't.  (Can something be "mildly exceptional"?  I don't know.)  The judge said that not only did the boys have a right not to live in France, it was clear that they did not want to.  In England, they apparently told him, they could "walk to school, could have their own key and would not have to do as much homework," which suggests that you don't have to make much of a showing to a British court in order to successfully not live in France.  The judge stated that he had "rarely, if ever, heard such strongly expressed views by children," which suggests that he doesn't have children.

Link: Yahoo! News

After "Evaluation of the Past," City Says Stalin Will No Longer Be Honorary Citizen

The city government of Kosice, the second-largest city in Slovakia, voted on Friday to take away the honorary citizenship it granted in 1947 to Josef Vissionariovich Dzhugashvili, also known as Joseph Stalin, apparently having learned a few disturbing facts about the guy that had not previously come to its attention.

After a "moral evaluation of the past," said a spokesperson for the city, "Kosice councillors have decided to take back this title."  According to the article, the title was awarded in 1947 "in recognition of the Red Army's liberation of the city towards the end of World War Two."  It may have also had something to do with not wanting to be murdered by Mr. Stalin, who it seems was leader of the Soviet Union at the time.

The extent of the government's investigation into Stalin's past is not clear, but a quick check of Wikipedia reveals that Stalin was the Secretary of the Central Committee of the Communist Party of the Soviet Union from 1922 until his death in 1953, and must have been a really good secretary because he got to make a lot of important decisions.  According to Wikipedia, some of these decisions may have been a little questionable, such as having almost a million people executed and letting another 2 million die in concentration camps, and also causing a famine in which maybe 6 to 8 million died.  He does not seem to have actually killed anyone in his own family, although he reportedly did respond to learning that his oldest son had tried but failed to commit suicide by saying "He can't even shoot straight."

So with that kind of evidence of good citizenship, it is easy to see why the 1947 citizenship honor was still in place 54 years after Stalin's death and 14 years after the breakup of the Soviet Union itself.  A similar motion brought before the Kosice city council actually failed in 2001, and a number of local lawmakers reportedly abstained from the successful vote on Friday, arguing that a "more exhaustive analysis" was necessary.

I haven't researched the topic as long as they have, but I'm not really finding anything all that positive.  What's somebody going to argue?  "Yes, Mr. Stalin was a thug and a butcher who may have killed as many as 20 million people, but on the other hand, he was a marvelous dancer."

Link: AFP via Yahoo! News

Official on Trial for Corruption Reads Tearful, Plagiarized Apology

The former head of a state-owned power company in China, currently on trial for corruption charges, does not seem to have helped his case by reading a four-page apology letter in court this week.  While the apology seems to have been lengthy, and tearful, it also turned out to have been plagiarized from an apology somebody else had used less than two weeks before.

I should also note here for Western readers that typically, reading a lengthy "apology" during your trial is not a defense strategy we would recommend.  In China you may not have a choice.

Someone allegedly noticed that Zhang Shaocang's apology appeared quite similar to one that had been written by Zhu Fuzhong, a former village Communist party official, and that had been previously published in an official paper.  Plagiarism?  You be the judge:

• Zhu wrote: "Before working, I never gave much thought to money and regarded achievement as the starting point and end result of my work. . . . I gradually lost my bearings and the scope of my position."
• Zhang wrote: "Before working, I never gave much thought to money and regarded achievement as the starting point and end result of my work. . . . I gradually lost my bearings and the scope of my position."

Well, that does look suspicious.

On the other hand, presumably neither man wrote his apology in English.  And this report originated in the "Procuratorial Daily," which Reuters described as "the official paper of China's top prosecutions office," not a very neutral source.  Reuters says that the Procuratorial Daily "is distributed as reading material at many 'supervision venues,' [the term for] the often secret locations where Communist Party officials are held for questioning."  So I guess the allegation is that Mr. Zhang "stole" the apology from the reading material in the waiting room at his "supervision venue."

Forgive me for saying this seems a little like criticizing a Gitmo detainee for quoting somebody he heard on FOX News while waiting for his hearing.  (What do you think they have on in the waiting room -- NPR?)  He could very well be a criminal, but accusing him of plagiarism seems like piling on.

Because of the similarities, the court dismissed Zhang's apology as "show-boating."  So he'll be executed for that, too.

Link: Reuters

German Awarded Just $4,100 for Lost Skull Section

In a result sure to not open the floodgates of missing-skull litigation, a German court has awarded only 3,000 euros ($4,100) to a man who had to have the top of his skull replaced with plastic after a hospital's error.

According to the report, the man needed a brain operation that required the top of his skull to be removed.  As Germany does not appear to have mastered screw-top brain surgery, doctors proceeded in the more traditional manner to remove the skull section, and they put it in cold storage during the operation.

Unfortunately, the storage did not turn out to be cold enough, because of a defect or malfunction in the refrigerator, and the part could not be reattached.  After what were probably a few awkward moments, and some rummaging around in desk drawers, doctors replaced the missing section with what the article called a "plastic prosthesis."

The patient was not pleased with his new sun roof.  He sought compensation of at least 20,000 euros, saying that the prosthesis caused him headaches, affected his balance and made him "unduly sensitive to the weather."  (Maybe it leaked?)  But, after consulting with experts, the court found that the problems had been caused by the operation, which itself was not negligent, rather than the skull part that was lost due to defective refrigeration.

The court ruled that the man was entitled to 3,000 euros as "appropriate and sufficient" compensation for the discomfort, but gave him nothing for the prosthesis.  In fact, he was lucky that he didn't have to pay them, since according to the report the skull experts concluded that "the new skull roof was better than the original."

Link: Reuters

Former Greenskeeper Detained For Allegedly Driving Golf Cart Drunk Through Downtown Stockholm

Bill Murray was detained by police on Monday after they spotted him driving a "slow-moving vehicle" through downtown Stockholm.  The vehicle was a golf cart that had been on display outside Murray's hotel.  He and other VIPs were in Sweden attending the Scandinavian Masters golf tournament.

Police said that Murray had driven the golf cart to a nearby nightclub less than a mile away, and was pulled over on his way back.  According to Detective-Inspector Christer Holmlund, officers smelled alcohol on Murray's breath and decided to administer a breath test.  "He refused to blow in the instrument, citing American legislation," Holmlund said.  "So we applied the old method -- a blood test," which Murray apparently sat still for.  Police said it would take 14 days to get the results back, but Murray was released.  "My guess is he went back to America," Holmlund said, demonstrating his skills as a detective-inspector.

Less clear was why they were bothering Bill Murray with a golf-cart-related offense in the first place.  There was no suggestion that, drunk or not, he posed any threat to anyone on his "slow-moving vehicle," and Holmlund conceded that there were "no obvious signs" that Murray was even "really tipsy."  Nor was he in trouble for taking the golf cart, said Fredrik Nilsmark, head of the tournament.  The cart wasn't intended for hotel guests, he said, but "I don't hold any grudge against Bill Murray for borrowing our cart for a while."  Nor is it illegal to drive a golf cart on city streets in Sweden, Holmlund admitted, though he claimed it was "very unusual."

I supported Bill Murray after he drove that heavily-armed recreational vehicle through eastern Europe a few years back, and I support him now.

Link: AP via Newsvine

Russian Olympic Athlete "Smiling All the Time" After Murder Conviction

This blog might be said to gripe about the U.S. legal system and those involved in it, and the situation in this country sometimes does look pretty awful -- except by comparison to most of the rest of the world.  A story this week from Russia was a reminder, I think, that having a scandal about a lawsuit over a judge's missing pants is something that other countries can only dream of.

Alexander Tikhonov, a 60-year-old former Olympic athlete who won four gold medals in the biathlon (shooting and skiing), was found guilty last month of conspiring to murder the governor of a Siberian province.  On Wednesday, Reuters reported that not only was Tikhonov not going to jail, his life has continued normally.  "Nothing has changed at all," he told a news conference.  "I'm working as usual and don't have any problems [such as being in jail for the attempted murder of which I was convicted]."  The 13-time world champion and one-time convicted murder-for-hire guy continued, "I am smiling all the time."  According to the report, he then grinned.

After his conviction, Tikhonov was actually sentenced to three years in prison, which seems a little light to begin with, but then was immediately given amnesty "to celebrate the 55th anniversary of the defeat of Nazi Germany."  Seems like a good reason to celebrate, even if that particular anniversary was seven years ago.  (I think this also explains what happened with Scooter Libby.)

In fact, Tikhonov was only back in Russia at all because he was feeling better after an extended stay in Europe that began shortly after his arrest.  After the conspirators were arrested in 2000, the report said, "Tikhonov left custody after a month because he said he felt unwell."  (I think this also explains what happened with Paris Hilton.)  After "leaving custody," he departed for Europe to see a "specialist," and did not return for several years.

His brother, who does not appear to have been a popular athlete, has served four years in prison for the same crime.

Link: Reuters via Yahoo! News

New Rules Will Require Chinese Buddhists to Apply for Reincarnation

Over the weekend, China's state-run media outlets reported that new rules taking effect this fall will require Tibetan Buddhists to get government permission to be reincarnated.  According to the Xinhua news agency ("Xinhua" is Mandarin for "If I don't read this, I will be shot"), the new rules are "an important move to institutionalize the management of reincarnation of living Buddhas."

That rumbling sound is George Orwell spinning in his grave, preparing to tunnel to Beijing in order to go all "Resident Evil" on the Chinese Politburo.  (With any luck, zombie George Orwell will have a few more stops to make after that.)

The new rules will require "reincarnation applications" to be filed with and approved by state religious-affairs officials.  These rules apparently apply at least to those claiming to be "living Buddhas," influential religious figures who are believed to be continuously reincarnated in order to fill the same position over and over again, sort of like the members of the committee that runs your law firm.  I assume the Dalai Lama is the most prominent of these, although the report discussed only the Panchen Lama, the #2 Lama in Tibetan Buddhism.

The Panchen Lama seems to have most recently shown up in the early 1990s, in the form of a six-year-old boy, but was quickly arrested by the Chinese government, which seems awfully unfair given that there was no application requirement at the time.  The government then "found" its own Panchen Lama, who according to the report has been "paraded around" in recent years to promote Chinese rule over Tibet.  As this suggests, there are sometimes competing "candidates" claiming to be the reincarnation of a particular person, and the government is trying to set itself up as the official reincarnation authority.

The new rules take effect on September 1.  Those planning to be reincarnated as living Buddhas in the near future are advised to complete that process as quickly as possible.

Link: AFP via Yahoo! News

Hungarians To Vote On Siesta Referendum

Apparently eager to be as democratic as possible now that they have the chance, Hungarians have repeatedly exercised their new ability to put referendums on the ballot.  The only ones that have passed so far were the two in which citizens voted to join NATO and the European Union.  But now Hungarians will have a chance to vote on something really important: whether they will have the right to siesta.

As you probably know, a "siesta" is a relatively short post-lunch nap, common in southern European countries, Latin America, and also in North America, where it is referred to as the "conference call."  According to Wikipedia, the concept is common in many  tropical or subtropical countries as well as in China (which I guess is partly subtropical).  Article 43 of the Chinese Constitution actually could be read to provide a constitutional right to a siesta, although I also note that Article 35 supposedly protects the right to free speech and assembly, so I wouldn't get too carried away with this stuff in the People's Republic of China.

The Hungarians seem serious about it, though.  Under their system, the country's National Election Committee must approve proposed questions as being "fit for a referendum," and then supporters must collect 200,000 signatures (there are only eight million voters in the whole country).  On Monday, the committee approved the question: "Do you agree that the Parliament of the Republic of Hungary should make a law about introducing the siesta?" and so the collection of signatures began immediately, or sometime later that afternoon, anyway.

Sadly, the committee did not approve a companion proposal that would have enabled Hungarians to vote themselves the right to free beer in restaurants.

Link: Reuters

Tourist Files Complaint Against Primate Thief

Kim Dang Hoon, a South Korean man traveling in India, has filed a complaint against a thief who stole his reading glasses.  Kim was visiting Varanasi, a Hindu holy city in the northern part of the country, when the theft took place.  Police have scoured nearby sections of Varanasi hoping to find Kim's property, but to no avail.

This is funny because the thief is a monkey.

Studies show that the involvement of a monkey in a crime increases the humor content of stories about that crime by as much as 150 percent.  In this case, the matter involves not only a monkey perpetrator but also a formal complaint against the monkey, a frantic search by policemen for the monkey and the special status of the thousands of wild monkeys that roam the city of Varanasi.  At a press conference this morning, scientists therefore officially declared the story "pretty decent and worth reading, at least if you aren't too busy and think monkeys are funny."

Varanasi is a holy city to the Hindu faith, and monkeys are venerated there as manifestations of the Hindu monkey god Hanuman.  Thousands of monkeys roam unmolested throughout the city, and having apparently learned that they are venerated by much of the population, have taken to harassing tourists and residents alike.  Meanwhile, Hanuman himself does nothing.

Without his assistance, police in Varanasi were not having any luck catching the thief.  According to the report, police "combed Varanasi's alleys searching for the monkey" on Tuesday to no avail.  "It is difficult to trace the monkey," admitted Inspector Govind Singh, seeming to suggest it would not actually be impossible to "trace a monkey" in a city full of thousands of monkeys, "but I am trying my best to locate the rogue."  (Well, unless these guys are all running around wearing reading glasses, I have at least one idea as to how you might locate him.  Ever heard of a lineup?)  Singh conceded that monkey-harassment incidents are common but held out little hope that the problem would improve.  "We can't do anything," he said.  "We cannot shoot them or beat them as Hindus worship monkeys."  Suing them is apparently not forbidden, though.

In his complaint, Kim said that the rogue had sprung upon him when he opened his hotel-room window for fresh air, and that it headed straight for the reading glasses before making its escape.  He said he had filed the complaint so that he could make a claim on his travel insurance policy, which it seems is pretty comprehensive.

Link: CBS News

Racist Dog Rejects Job Applicant

According to a Belgian newspaper, a local businessman rejected a Nigerian job applicant on the grounds that his dog was racist and would probably bite the man.  The applicant was not even allowed to enter the business where he had hoped to apply.

The man was applying under a program run by the local labor office, which refers applicants to potential employers and gets feedback on the results.  Far from trying to hide the reason for his action, the businessman actually wrote on his feedback form that he could not hire the applicant because of his color, and the risk that the dog would bite him as a result.  He denied discriminating against the applicant himself, telling De Standaard newspaper, "My dog is racist.  Not me."

The labor office disagreed, and has removed the business from its list of potential employers.  The applicant, who has lived in Belgium for 32 years (since he was 21), said it was not the first time he had been denied a job because of his race, although he said other employers had been more subtle.

Link: Reuters

Pakistani Supreme Court Intervenes in Song-Lyric Dispute

Those of you worried about an activist Supreme Court may want to consider how bad things could be.  Reuters News reported yesterday that Pakistan's Supreme Court had intervened to order a pop singer to change the lyrics of one of his songs after a college girl complained that she was getting teased about them.

I can think of a lot of songs, or even entire genres of music, that I would like to see dealt with, but this is a very slippery slope.  And I'm pretty sure that few Americans would want an institution like our Supreme Court to be the one that decided what was okay to listen to, given that the average justice is a white 70-year-old who is 89% male.  (My statistical analysis could use some work, I guess, but you get the idea.)  So this is a bad plan, generally speaking.

The Pakistani court didn't see it that way, though -- it seems to have intervened, possibly on its own initiative, after a girl whose name appeared in the lyrics wrote to a newspaper saying that male students were teasing her by singing the song.  She said she had stopped going to college because of the harassment.  The report said that the court "summoned" Abrar-ul-Haq and "asked" him to omit the name of the girl "and some other objectionable words in his lyrics."  Haq said he would abide by the court's decision, which was probably a good choice.

Link: Yahoo! News

German Court Tells Bald Man to Buy a Hat

The bald men among you who have been thinking about moving to the German province of Rhineland-Palatinate in order to take advantage of liberal health-care coverage to get free hairpieces should think again.

A court there ruled last week that the health-insurance system did not have to pay for hairpieces, saying that baldness was not unusual enough among men to justify the claim that corrective measures should be covered by health insurance.  Apparently, the man had argued that his case was different because he had been bald since childhood, and that it was a health-care issue because he needed hair to protect his head from the elements.  I infer the latter argument from the court's reasoning that "[t]he hair's protective function against the sun and the cold can easily be replaced by a hat. . . . [But] the health insurance does not have to pay for [hats]."

The insurer had said it would cover "long-term hair replacement support," and the story did not explain why the man had rejected that and demanded a hairpiece instead.  It did describe Germany's health-insurance system as "generous" and noted that it "has been known to fund such benefits as trips to spa resorts and breast implants."  All of which suggests that, while you gentlemen certainly might want to at least plan a vacation to a Rhineland spa resort, don't go there expecting any free hats.

Link: Reuters via Yahoo! News

Professional Beer Taster Successfully Sues Employer After Becoming An Alcoholic

A judge in Sao Paulo, Brazil, has ruled that a local brewing company must pay damages to one of its former beer tasters, after the taster alleged that his job -- drinking alcohol -- caused him to develop alcoholism.

In the lawsuit, the employee alleged that as part of his beer-tasting job, he was required to taste beer.  Specifically, he said he typically drank between 16 and 25 small glasses of beer during each eight-hour shift, which works out to a little over three pints a day, at least five days a week, for more than a decade.  (He also said he received a bottle of beer after each shift, so let's just call it four pints a day.)

Hard to say whether that is really enough to turn someone into an alcoholic, but the judge accepted the employee's argument that the company did not provide the "health measures needed to keep him from developing alcoholism."  The report did not say what health measures the employee said should have been provided.  The only one I can think of that would work would be to not let him drink on the job, which would sort of put a damper on his career as a beer taster.

Also, the company alleged that the employee was an alcoholic before he ever took the job as a beer taster.  But the judge said the company was still negligent even on those facts, because "an alcoholic should never have been made a beer tester."  So, apparently, if you need a beer taster you should not hire anyone who is an alcoholic, or anyone who is not an alcoholic (because they might become one).  Or, you can hire someone in either category to be a beer taster, as long as you don't let them drink beer on the job.

The real answer, of course, is that somebody who takes a job as a beer taster should be considered to have assumed the not-unforeseeable risk that drinking all day long every day might turn you into an alcoholic.  But in Brazil, this claim earned the taster just under $50,000.  Not enough to retire on, but that'll buy a lot of beer.

Link: Yahoo! News

German Lawyer Ends Brief With Punchy National Socialist Conclusion

I occasionally teach writing seminars for associates in our firm, and there are two or three rules I try to emphasize about the concluding section of a brief.

• First, always end a brief with a real conclusion and not just something lame like "For the reasons stated above, we should win."
• Second, the conclusion should be short, compelling and persuasive.
• Third, and most importantly, it should not include the phrase "Heil Hitler."

Admittedly, you rarely see a brief that ends that way, but it does happen, as we learned from charges filed this week against German lawyer Sylvia Stolz.  Stolz has defended Ernst Zundel against charges of incitement that stemmed from Zundel's insistence on denying that the Holocaust took place.  Zundel was convicted last month and sentenced to five years in prison, and this week prosecutors said they were going after Stolz too for her conduct in the first case.  Stolz is charged with incitement, obstruction of justice and using symbols of a banned organization (the Nazi Party).

Zundel had to be tried twice because Stolz got banned from the first trial for trying to sabotage the proceedings.   Her disfavored acts included repeated provocations, such as denouncing the court as a "tool of foreign domination" and describing the Jews as an "enemy people."  Though Stolz was banned, she refused to leave and had to be picked up and carried out of the courtroom, shouting, "Resistance!  The German people are rising up!"

Apparently, though, Stolz was the only German person who was rising up, and that was only because somebody picked her up and carried her out of the courtroom.

That case was also the one in which she added "Heil Hitler" to the conclusion of a legal document.  Stolz does not deny doing that or any of the other things she is charged with, but insists that they were legitimate tactics in her fight against an illegitimate government and occupying power (us, I guess).  "We are under foreign occupation," she said, "and this foreign occupation has portrayed Adolf Hitler as a devil for 60 years, but that is not true."  Actually, it's more like 68 years -- these Holocaust deniers can never get their facts straight.

Prosecutors said they hoped to prevent Stolz from working as a lawyer in the future.

Link: AP via FindLaw.com

Ukraine Invaded by Rowing Team

Reuters reported on Tuesday that Ukrainian border guards had halted an invasion from neighboring Belarus, succeeding in part because the invaders were members of the Belarussian national rowing team.

According to the report, a Ukrainian coast guard vessel intercepted ten rowers from a "flotilla" of eight boats that had crossed into Ukrainian waters from Transdniestria.  As you know, Transdnistria (a.k.a. Pridnestrovie) is a de facto independent republic within the internationally recognized borders of Moldova in Eastern Europe that declared independence on September 2, 1990 as the Pridnestrovian Moldavian Soviet Socialist Republic and since then has exercised de facto control over most of the Transdniestria region, located between the Dniester River and Ukraine.  Transdnistria offers citizens a per capita income of $844, and beatings.

So it may not be that surprising that people are trying to get the hell out of it, even if they are from somewhere else originally.  On the other hand, these rowers claimed they had crossed the border "accidentally."  I think that was Hitler's first explanation too, but it may be true here since the rowers were so far from home.  Belarus does not share a border with Transdniestria, which is much further south.  According to reports, the Belarussians claimed that they had been invited to train for the world championship in Transdniestria because every body of water in their own horrible country is still frozen solid.

Ukraine says that the rowers have been detained and will be prosecuted for illegally entering the country's national waters.

Link: Reuters via Yahoo! News

UPDATE: Settlement Talks Break Down in Case of Previously Lustful Ostrich

I reported recently on a case in Germany in which an ostrich rancher had sued three teenagers for allegedly making one of his ostriches impotent by throwing firecrackers at it.  Happily (for me), the parties have so far failed to reach a settlement that was expected on Monday, and so another hearing has been set for June 4.

The rancher claims that Gustav was rendered impotent due to post-traumatic stress he suffered from the incident.  Gustav is apparently the only male breeding ostrich on the ranch, or at least I assume he is because his owner alleges that he would have been presented with 14 additional chicks but for Gustav's incapacity.  By the way, in case you've ever wondered what the expression on an impotent ostrich's face might look like, it would look something like this:

Fig. 1: The steely glare of a sexually frustrated male ostrich.

That's actually an AFP file photo, not Gustav specifically, but I'm sure he looks a lot like that, assuming he is still in the same condition.

The three teenagers deny throwing fireworks at Gustav, but do admit lobbing other things at him, so that's not much of a defense.  They have already agreed to work on the ranch as punishment, apparently to work off the 5,000 euros that the rancher is seeking, but the parties failed to reach agreement Monday on the issue of how many hours the boys must work.  They have offered 40, but the rancher is demanding 80 -- which would still work out to $27.71 per hour, not a bad rate for ostrich work.

The June 4 hearing will feature the testimony of a veterinary expert, presumably as to the possible effects of fright on ostrich libido.

Link: AFP via Yahoo! News

China Says Its Courts Will Be More Cautious With Death Penalty

In a joint statement released on Sunday, the top legal bodies of the People's Republic of China have declared that the country should "gradually reduce" the number of executions it carries out, and should be a little more careful in deciding who gets whacked.

The additional caution might just make a difference, given that, according to Amnesty International, China executed at least 1,770 people in 2005 -- 80 percent of all the known executions in the world that year -- and the real number may be as high as 10,000.  While I have my calculator out, the higher number would mean one less alleged felon every 52 minutes, during which time another 692 new Chinese would be born, plus another one just over halfway out, and now it is time to put my calculator away.

This new concern for civil rights comes after a series of high-profile cases that have somewhat embarrassed the regime, which may or may not have anything to do with the upcoming Olympics.  In one famous case, a man was convicted of killing a woman in the 1980s in Hunan province after he allegedly confessed to the murder, and was executed.  She inconveniently showed up in 2005, unmurdered.

Hence, an increased concern in China today about executions -- at least to some degree.  "Our country still cannot abolish the death penalty," the statement said, although the day when it can is probably just around the corner, "but should gradually reduce its application."  For example, it continued, "where there is a possibility someone should not be executed, then without exception the person should not be killed."  That ought to have Amnesty International breaking out the noisemakers.

In two other radical changes, the authorities also suggested that, in the future, suspects should not be tortured into making confessions, and condemned prisoners should not be paraded through the streets before being executed.  That last one should come as a relief, since parades can get exhausting when you have to have one every 52 minutes.

Link: AP via FindLaw.com

Turkish Court Lifts Ban on YouTube For Insulting Kemal Ataturk

Turkish officials reported today that a court had lifted its two-day-old ban on YouTube, a ban it had imposed Wednesday because of concerns over videos posted there that allegedly were insulting to Mustafa Kemal Ataturk.

So for those of you out there putting the finishing touches on your anti-Ataturk video, today is your lucky day.

It is illegal in Turkey to insult Mustafa Kemal Ataturk, even though he has been dead since 1938.  Mustafa Kemal was a war hero, the founder of modern Turkey, and its first president.  His influence on the country was so profound that he was given the name "Ataturk" in 1934, which means "Father of the Turks," even though the Turks had been around for thousands of years.

Here he is wearing a hat.

Ataturk (L) and some other Turk (R).

They take him very seriously in Turkey, but don't like him much in Greece, partly due to a war between Turkey and Greece in the early 1920s.  Turkey won, but Greeks appear to be getting some revenge by making fun of Ataturk on YouTube.  Turkish media said that a "virtual war" had broken out, with Turks and Greeks both posting videos mocking each other.  The last straw was a video that allegedly questioned the sexuality of Ataturk and "the Turkish people."  That got the plug pulled on Wednesday.

The ban was lifted today.  The court's reasoning was not given, though it had previously said it would lift the ban as soon as the videos insulting Ataturk were removed.

Link: AP via FindLaw.com
Link: New York Times

German Teenagers Accused of Proximately Causing Ostrich Impotency

On Monday, a court in Bautzen, Germany, will hear the case of an ostrich farmer who alleges that three teenagers frightened his male ostrich so badly with fireworks that it was unable to breed for six months.  This cost the farmer a number of tiny ostriches and likely cost Gustav the Ostrich most of his self-esteem.

The farmer, Rico Gabel, who has a farm near Dresden, is demanding $6,450 in damages for the offspring of which he believes he was deprived.  (Gustav had two female breeding partners.  This story isn't that weird.)  The lawsuit alleges that the teenagers set off fireworks near the farm in late 2005, scaring the mojo out of the bird and rendering it apathetic, depressed, and unable or unwilling to breed until late in 2006.  (The AP report refers to the ostrich as "the previously lustful Gustav," which is a great line whether it is in the complaint or not.)

Ostrich chicks apparently are worth about $460 each, and Gabel estimates that 14 were not fathered by the previously lustful Gustav during his six-month despondency.

Link: AP via Yahoo! News

Rabbit Town Versus El Baldo

Reports from a village near Madrid state that The Bald One has finally received justice through the heroic efforts of the Spanish people.

Javier Vernui, known as "The Bald One" (or "El Baldo" in Spanish), has terrorized the village of Villaconejos for years, according to the mayor and other residents.  They said that Vernui would go into bars and supermarkets in town carrying a pistol or knife, and would simply take what he wanted without paying.  Mayor Benavente de Blas said "Bernui didn't hesitate to use violence against the residents in bars, drove his car wherever he liked and did whatever he felt like."

The next-to-last straw came on December 23, when El Baldo entered a Villaconejos bar and pushed other customers out of the way.  A man reportedly told him "enough is enough" and gave him a beating.  Unchastened, El Baldo y sus amigos returned a week later and trashed the place.

That was the last straw, and it prompted 200 residents of Villaconejos ("Rabbit Town") to show up at Bernui's house the next day in protest.  Police showed up (from wherever they've been for the past seven years) to control the crowd, and they arrested El Baldo when he fired shots into the air.  But the next day, a crowd twice that size (over ten percent of the town's residents) showed up and set fire to Bernui's house, garage, two cars, a van, and three motorcycles, and then blocked the road so firefighters could not get through.  No one was hurt -- Bernui was in jail and police evacuated the other residents.  "It was all of us," said mayor de Blas when asked who did the burning.  "It was the people [of Rabbit Town]."

Link: Reuters via Yahoo! News

Snakes'-Rights Activists Put Indian Snake Charmers Out of Work

Hunting or keeping snakes has been illegal in India since the passage of the Wildlife Protection Act of 1972.  That law has been widely flouted (or maybe fluted) by snake charmers who pursued their art for centuries before the WPA was around, but "growing environmental awareness" has now caused the government to crack down on the turbanned reptile exploiters.

"We now have accepted the fact that we cannot perform with snakes," said Hawa Singh Nath, a 68-year-old New Delhi resident who evidently speaks for all of India's snake charmers.  (Maybe he's head of the union.)  This may be sort of a mixed bag, however, since although a lot of snake charmers are now out of a job, the job they are out of seems to have sucked to begin with.  "At the best of times," said the report, "snake charming is not a profitable profession," and the charmers tend to "live in squalid settlements on the outskirts of cities . . . ."  Nath confirmed that under the new regime, "[w]e are hardly earning half of what we used to earn before," which has presumably doubled the squalidity quotent of charmer settlements.

But there's no stopping the resourceful snake charmers of Rajasthan [or insert your favorite Indian state].  Having accepted the new snakes'-rights agenda, they are turning to other jobs to survive, primarily involving their skills with the flute.  Many now do weddings or birthday parties, or just perform their ancient music sans reptile.  Nath himself performed at the Dubai Film Festival in 2005.  Other charmers have reinvented themselves as guides at animal centers or forestry offices, where they tell visitors about their revered snakes (typically cobras), which appear in Hindu texts, often associated with the deity Shiva.

In the movie version of this story, the millions of now-uncharmed snakes lurking around India will start carrying off children and cows, and possibly even infiltrate airplanes (although that seems very unlikely and would certainly make for a stupid movie).  Eventually, the last of the Indian snake charmers will come out of retirement and flute the country back to safety.  It sort of sounds like Rocky Balboa, except with millions of snakes and no Sylvester Stallone.

Link: Reuters via Yahoo! News

How Law Evolves in Serbia

According to Judge Omer Hadziomerovic of the Belgrade District Court, Serbian legal culture has a long way to go, but TV is helping:

We have a low level of legal culture . . . . There is little understanding of law and the rule of law.  We once had a defendant plead the Fifth Amendment, which we do not have by such a name, because he saw it on "Law and Order."

ABA Journal (Oct. 2005) at p. 51).

Next up for Serbia: learning about peaceful dispute-resolution procedures and equitable divisions of property through repeated viewings of "Gilligan's Island."

Lowering the Bar Cited as International Precedent

As many of you know, I have long had two primary goals for this enterprise:

1. to provide some entertainment for myself and other attorneys (and friends of attorneys) slogging away at their various billing stations, and
2. to be cited as authority in a brief filed with the Supreme Court of the Philippines.

Today I can at least be sure that one of those goals has been met.

I mentioned in the "Lowering the Bar" presentation I did two weeks ago that I had heard from Judge Florentino Floro, who I had written about twice before.  You may recall that Judge Floro was dismissed (or "separated") from the bench in Malabon City, a suburb north of Manila, after questions arose about his practices of starting court days with a reading from the Book of Revelations, conducting faith-healing sessions in chambers, and consulting three "mystic dwarves" named Luis, Armand and Angel for advice and predictions of future events.  As Judge Floro was a judge, that seemed to fall within the scope of this project and I did mention him a couple of times.

Judge Floro emailed me (and a number of others who had written about him) a couple of weeks ago, primarily to thank everyone for writing about his case.  He noted that he was appealing his case, forwarded us some pleadings, and was kind enough to answer a few questions.  Here's an (edited) summary of the answers:

LoTB: First, what is the difference between a separation and a dismissal?  Is it possible you could be reinstated?  If so, would you want to be a judge again?  Was it fun to be a judge?

JF:  Dismissal, under our laws, carries with it perpetual disqualification & DISBARMENT. . . . I believe that the laws are in my favor. But, I cannot tell you what will be their votes. . . . I would want to be a judge [again]. It is not fun, since I am honest. I had to wake up 6 am and sleep at 9pm and week ends I pen decisions; it is nightmare. But, my neighbor judges, they come to court, 10 am, deal only with juicy cases and they put in the backburner the not juicy ones; they play golf, 1 pm. This is not an exaggeration, since their staff and fixers do all the jobs.

LoTB: Second, why did the press say that Luis, Armand and Angel were “dwarves”?  Was this a mistranslation of “dwende,” the mischievious spirits believed to reside in anthills (also translated “gnomes”)?  Are they truly of small stature?  Did they help you with your opinions, and if so, do they have any legal training?

JF:  Answer: The names of my spirit guides are Luis, Armand and Angel; they are not the ordinary dwarves, gnomes, leprechauns, vulcans, . . . Luis is the King of Kings of elementals, an angel o