Lowering the Bar

European Union Passes Volume Limits for Bagpipes

Bagpipers across Europe are protesting new regulations that would force them to pipe quietly.  European Union officials in Brussels have ruled that, under EU health and safety laws, bagpipes cannot expose users to average noise levels of more than 85 decibels.  This is a problem because, as you probably know from your college bagpiping class, full-volume piping can reach 122 decibels, nearly as loud as a 747.

The new regulations apply to weekly average noise levels, so they do not completely forbid loud pipery, so long as loud periods are balanced by equivalent amounts of quiet time.  Pipists point out, however, that this does not help them at all.  "You can't play the pipe quietly," said Ian Hughes, leader of a Royal Air Force band in Scotland.  "They haven't got a volume switch."  Hughes said that the regulations would therefore effectively ban bagpipe playing.

Even more importantly, they could also ban rock & roll, the practitioners of which are known to use amplifiers with volume settings that rarely go below 10 and may actually go to 11.  The Who reached 126 decibels in a 1976 concert, reportedly the loudest ever until a British punk band hit 132.5 just last year.  (That beats the 747 by 2.5 decibels.)  Lemmy Kilmister, the lead singer of ear-bleeding metal band Motorhead, said his lot would not be complying.  "The essence of rock & roll is loud music," he said.  "How the hell can we be expected to enjoy ourselves if we've got to turn it down?"

Link: Times Online

Guitar Has-Beens v. Guitar Hero

On November 20, attorneys for the band The Romantics filed a complaint in federal court against Activision, the publisher of the game "Guitar Hero," claiming that the game infringes on the group's rights to its own likeness.

In the interest of full disclosure, I should mention at the outset that (1) I have a copy of "Guitar Hero III" sitting right here, and it's awesome; and (2) I have long hated The Romantics.

"Guitar Hero," a console game in which players use a guitar-shaped controller to simulate playing rock-and-roll songs, and which rocks, has been described as a "cultural phenomenon" by Newsweek magazine and is now up to its fourth installment.  This lawsuit concerns the third game (considered a sequel to the second), "Guitar Hero Encore: Rocks the 80s."  While the latest game (GH III) features the original versions of most or all songs, increasing its awesomeness quotient still further, earlier versions tended to use cover versions.

The Romantics allegedly were, and allegedly still are, a "rock band" from Detroit that was formed in 1977.  Their song "What I Like About You" somehow reached #48 on the Billboard chart in 1980 despite being hugely irritating. They had more success with the song "Talking In Your Sleep," which made it to #3.  According to this disturbingly detailed Wikipedia article on the band, which shows some signs of having been written by a Romantics representative, the band did not record from the late 1980s to the mid-90s for legal reasons (and not because, for example, the public had ceased to buy its recordings), but then started again.  Supposedly, a 2003 album failed commercially but "won the Romantics a newfound critical respect."  (You've probably heard all about that.)

That may also end up describing the band's lawsuit, at least if the pleadings are really well-written.  The band concedes that the game developers had the rights to use a cover version of the song in the game, but apparently they claim that the cover is too good.  Being "virtually indistinguishable from the authentic version," the complaint alleges, it would confuse "consumers into believing that the band actually recorded the music and endorsed the product."  This allegedly infringes on the group's rights to its own likeness.

More to come on this, certainly.  Those who would like to join me in a class-action suit seeking emotional-distress damages for having to listen to "What I Like About You" (written during the band's pre-critical-acclaim period) over and over and over again in bars and commercials and so forth, and an injunction against further public nuisances, please let me know.  If we succeed, Dexys Midnight Runners, also still threatening to record, will be next.

Link: CNN.com
Link: "Guitar Hero" article on Wikipedia

UPDATED: Lawyer Songs Reasonably Likely to Rock

Berkeley Law School student Josh Keesan got some attention recently for his album, "The Law of Rock, Vol. 1."  "Put down your commercial outlines and treatises," says Josh's website; "here, for the first time, you can learn complex legal doctrines through these digestible pop-rock gems:"

1. Contributory Negligence
2. Promissory Estoppel
3. Raffles v. Wichelhaus
4. Sherwood v. Walker
5. Mens Rea

Attorney Larry Savell, a litigator, has also recently released a CD of "legal rock" songs, which he's calling "The Lawtunes: Live At Blackacre."  This follows three previous holiday-themed albums on legal topics and is still a good stocking-stuffer (if you have CD-sized stockings, at least).  The CD includes a love song having to do with electronic discovery, and a new acoustic version of the song "Livin' Life in Six Minutes."

The four LawTunes albums are available as a boxed set.

Link: Josh Keesan - The Law of Rock
Link: LawTunes.com

Tool Sued

The New Orleans bureau has alerted me to a new lawsuit against the rock band Tool, filed in federal court in Louisiana.  Tool, whose music is described as "heavy metal," "alternative metal," "art rock," "art metal," "progressive rock," "progressive metal," "post-metal," and "genre-transgressing" in their extremely detailed Wikipedia article, was founded in 1990 and remains active today.  The band is also known for its creativity and elaborate stage shows and even packaging (Tool's album 10,000 Days won the 2006 Grammy for "Best Recording Package").

Turns out, all this time Tool has been exploiting Jason Crowley from Shreveport.

Crowley sued the band (named in the suit only as "Tool") on September 5, alleging that Tool had used him "to base their music on."  Crowley alleges that Tool uses his name in their music and has used his "likeness in video on screens on stage in live performances."  (Maybe this is the guy in the video for "Sober.")

More troubling is the allegation that Tool "managed to get into my apartment and place a ring, that you would wear on your hand, inside."  Crowley claims to have recently found a picture of said ring in a CD booklet insert.  He does not explain what Tool's motive might have been for breaking into his apartment and planting a ring (the hand kind) inside.  According to the complaint, Crowley has been trying to get the Shreveport Police Department interested in Tool (or at least the ring story) since 2003, but they accepted his report only in May of this year.

Crowley demands ten million dollars for "invasion of privacy, the use of my name, the images, and the trespassing."

Link:  Crowley v. Tool, Case No. 5:07cv1475 (W.D. La. filed Sept. 5, 2007) (PDF).
Link:  Justia Docket Search

Seattle Attack Blamed on Karaoke, Coldplay

A 21-year-old woman was arrested and booked last Thursday after she assaulted a man during an karaoke performance.  Witnesses reported the man was attempting the Coldplay song "Yellow" when the woman lost control and attacked him.

Personally, I was surprised to find out that attacks on karaoke singers seem to be rare.  I had expected to find other adjectives describing them, such as "continual," "savage," or maybe "award-winning."

Telling the singer he "suck[ed]," the woman first pushed him and then started throwing punches to get him to stop singing.  "It took three or four of us to hold her down," said a bartender.  When she was escorted outside, he said, the woman "went crazy," throwing punches at everyone in the group, including an off-duty police officer.  The arrival of on-duty police only made things worse, as the woman head-butted an officer twice before she could be completely subdued.

For once in these kinds of stories, alcohol does not seem to have been a factor.  The article stated that, according to the bartender's notes -- one of the more accurate forms of reporting known to history -- the woman had had only one drink prior to the rampage.  (It was a shot of Jagermeister, but still.)  An expert on karaoke-related violence (namely, me) believes that alcohol alone is unlikely to explain such an attack even if the bartender understated the woman's drinking.  It is possible that the woman was actually infuriated simply by the singer's lack of skill, as witnesses suggested.  But it seems more likely that it was the fortunately rare combination of karaoke, an untalented performer, and Coldplay, that actually triggered violence.

I would bet he didn't get any further than this:

Look at the stars,
Look how they shine for you,
And everything you do,
Yeah, they were all yellow.

I came along,
I wrote a song for you,
And all the things you do,
And it was called "Yellow"

On second thought, he probably didn't get that far.

According to Wikipedia, which is at least as accurate as bartenders' notes, karaoke was created and  popularized by Japanese singer Daisuke Inoue in the early 1970s.  He also invented a karaoke machine of the kind that is now wildly popular, but failed to patent it.  He did receive an Ig Nobel Prize in 2004 for the accomplishment (it was the Peace Prize, for helping people "learn to tolerate each other").  He is shown here accepting the award, showing a remarkably intact sense of humor for somebody who invented but failed to profit from what is now a ten-billion-dollar industry.

According to Coldplay's official fansite, singer Chris Martin admitted that his inspiration for the song "Yellow" came from the Yellow Pages.

Link: CBS News

Marilyn Manson Sued by Former Bandmate

On Thursday, a former member of Marilyn Manson's band sued him, claiming that Manson (whose real name is the slightly more mundane "Brian Warner") misled him as to how much money the band was making, and instead went on a multi-million-dollar spending binge.  In the lawsuit, Stephen Bier (whose stage name was the much less mundane "Madonna Wayne Gacy") demands about $20 million in damages.

Bier apparently alleges that he became suspicious that he was not seeing all of the profits he was entitled to when he noticed some of the things that Manson was buying.  These allegedly included:

• A $2 million home;
• An art gallery (for his own work);
• A $450,000 engagement ring for his stripper girlfriend;
• African masks made of human skin;
• The skeleton of a "17th-century male" in a wheelchair;
• The skeleton of a 4-year-old Chinese girl; and
• Eva Braun's handbag.

Well, these days a $2 million home is not that outrageous, at least in California, and who doesn't have at least a couple of masks made out of human skin, but owning anything  that once belonged to Hitler's girlfriend really is over the top.

Bier basically alleges that Marilyn Manson violated the fiduciary duty he owed the other band members under a partnership agreement they signed in 1993.  (I was hoping to take credit for the first use of the terms "Marilyn Manson" and "fiduciary duty" in the same sentence, but Google actually turned up a few prior examples.)  Manson denied the charges last week in an interview on MTV News (which seems strange -- I assumed he would show up on "The Situation Room with Wolf Blitzer"), and said he would fight.

"The fact that [Madonna Wayne Gacy]'s claiming that I've treated him unfairly financially is really ridiculous," Manson said.  He also said he "would never spend [his] money on a Chinese girl skeleton.  That would be crossing the line."

"It's a Chinese boy," he clarified.

Link: Yahoo! News

Burglar's Plea to "Let It Be" Backfires With Judge

Quality judicial work by Judge Gregory Todd of the Thirteenth Judicial District Court, Yellowstone County, Montana.  You can see a PDF of the memo itself at the link below, but here's an excerpt:

Mr. McCormack, you pled guilty to the charge of Burglary.  To aid me in sentencing, I review the pre-sentence investigation report.  I read with interest the section containing Defendant's statement.  To the question of "Give your recommendation as to what you think the Court should do in this case," you said, "Like the Beetles say, 'Let it Be.'"

Hey Jude, Do You Want to Know a Secret?  The greatest band in rock history spelled their name B-E-A-T-L-E-S.  I interpret the meaning of your response to suggest that . . . I should just Let It Be so that you could live in Strawberry Fields Forever. . . . [But as] a result of your Hard Day's Night, you are looking at a Ticket to Ride that Long and Winding Road to [jail].

You get the idea.

Link:  State of Montana v. McCormack, No. 06-0323 (Yellowstone County District Court, Feb. 26, 2007)

Pakistani Supreme Court Intervenes in Song-Lyric Dispute

Those of you worried about an activist Supreme Court may want to consider how bad things could be.  Reuters News reported yesterday that Pakistan's Supreme Court had intervened to order a pop singer to change the lyrics of one of his songs after a college girl complained that she was getting teased about them.

I can think of a lot of songs, or even entire genres of music, that I would like to see dealt with, but this is a very slippery slope.  And I'm pretty sure that few Americans would want an institution like our Supreme Court to be the one that decided what was okay to listen to, given that the average justice is a white 70-year-old who is 89% male.  (My statistical analysis could use some work, I guess, but you get the idea.)  So this is a bad plan, generally speaking.

The Pakistani court didn't see it that way, though -- it seems to have intervened, possibly on its own initiative, after a girl whose name appeared in the lyrics wrote to a newspaper saying that male students were teasing her by singing the song.  She said she had stopped going to college because of the harassment.  The report said that the court "summoned" Abrar-ul-Haq and "asked" him to omit the name of the girl "and some other objectionable words in his lyrics."  Haq said he would abide by the court's decision, which was probably a good choice.

Link: Yahoo! News

Florida Governor Will Review Request to Pardon Jim Morrison

Governor Charlie Crist said Tuesday that he would review a request by two Doors fans to pardon Jim Morrison in order to clear the singer's name of his 1969 conviction for indecent exposure.  Morrison allegedly exposed himself while on stage at the Coconut Grove in Miami, although some witnesses claimed that he had only simulated exposing himself, however it is that you might simulate that.  You're either exposed or you're not, I would think.  Morrison was convicted and sentenced to six months in jail, but was released on bail pending appeal.  The appeal was still pending when Morrison died in Paris on July 3, 1971.

Fans Kerry Humpherys and David Diamond sent Crist a letter last month asking for the pardon, so that Morrison could "be judged because of the music and poetry and not be judged because of this Miami case."  They claimed that Morrison would not have been charged if the same thing had happened today.  "It was all trumped up," Humpherys said, "and he shouldn't have this hanging over him."

Since the letter was sent last month, Gov. Crist appears to have pretty much ignored it until the Miami Herald contacted him recently, and reminded him that, like Crist, Morrison had attended Florida State University and so the two were both "Seminoles."  "He's a 'Nole?" Crist responded.  "Well, given that fact, I'm certainly willing to review it."  According to the Herald, "Crist then sang a few lines of 'Light My Fire.'"

Crist was only 16 when Morrison died, and it is unclear whether he is really a fan of the Doors or just happens to know a few lines of "Light My Fire."  But he does have a fundamental belief in the goodness of people and a rock-solid commitment to the values that have made America the envy of freedom-loving people for more than two centuries, and I thought that before I ever read it on his campaign website.  One or both of those qualities might or might not lead one to believe that Crist will grant the pardon.

Under Florida law, however, Crist will be unable to pardon the 'Nole unless two other members of the cabinet agree.  If you feel strongly about this issue, go here to provide your feedback to the Governor and help clear the Lizard King's name.

Link: Yahoo! News
Link: Miami Herald
Link: Contact Gov. Crist to ask him to pardon Jim Morrison

Man Sued for Negligent Dancing

The AP reported this week that a Chicago woman is suing a man she danced with at an office party, alleging that she was injured by one of his dance moves, which seems to have gone something like this:

1. Step up.
2. Step back.
3. Slide to the left.
4. Slide to the right.
5. Grab your partner.
6. Throw partner into air.
7. Let partner crash to floor headfirst.
8. Repeat with new partner (if any).

It sounds almost as painful as the Macarena, at least for the person who gets thrown.  Plaintiff alleges that her partner "grabbed her by the forearms and tossed her in the air," which must have been a rotary toss similar to the hammer throw unless he is incredibly strong.  "I was in the air, over him," she recalled, which is not consistent with the hammer-throw theory, and then "fell hard enough you could hear the impact of me hitting the floor over the sound from the jukebox."  Plaintiff says she suffered a fractured skull and is seeking damages.

According to plaintiff's attorney, she was a victim of "negligent dancing."  Her dance partner was also, as it happens, the husband of her boss, which probably made things a lot more awkward for one or more people involved.

Link:  FindLaw.com
Link:  Wikipedia entry on the "Macarena" that "may not be reliable"
Link:  Wikipedia entry showing that "Macarena" spent two weeks at #1 in Latvia

Bay City Rollers Reunite for Lawsuit

The Wall Street Journal's excellent law blog reported this week that the members of the 1970s band "The Bay City Rollers" have filed a lawsuit in the Southern District of New York seeking royalties from their label, Arista Records.

Those of you who were alive at the time may remember roller-skating, or possibly even driving, to the sounds of the band's 1975 hit, "Saturday Night," the one with the chorus that went "S-A!  T-U-R!  D-A-Y! -- Night!" repeated many, many times in order to emphasize and clarify to the listener that only that particular day of the week, and indeed only the nighttime portion of the 24-hour period in question, was being lauded.  The song, which truly captured all the pain and angst of an America torn apart by Vietnam and Watergate, reached #1 in the U.S., the first song of 1976 to do so.  (That was its only week at #1.  It was replaced the next week by "Convoy.")

In the complaint, we learn (in a section titled "The Advent of Rollermania") that the plaintiffs "(collectively the 'Bay City Rollers,' 'Rollers' or 'BCR,')" were a Scottish band founded in 1967 as "The Saxons," which is an odd name for Scots to choose, and not surprisingly they soon decided to seek "a less English-sounding name."  Two darts thrown at a map later (the first one apparently landed in Arkansas), the "Bay City Rollers" were born.  They had a number of UK hits in the early 1970s after which, at least according to paragraph 22, "[C]omparisons of their popularity to the Beatles' earlier popularity were not uncommon." 

Statements like that one are not uncommon in the complaint, as you might expect.  Somewhat more surprising are the allegations that the band remains popular today.  "In Japan," paragraph 25 claims, "their success has been and remains phenomenal."  (Emphasis added.)  In the last ten years, according to the complaint, Arista Records has released no fewer than thirty-four separate BCR compilations, pretty remarkable for a band that had six singles total make it to the US top 40 charts.  The most recent BCR compilation was Absolute Rollers -- The Very Best of [BCR], which was released on January 30, 2007, an event that seems to have escaped wide public notice.

The lawsuit, released on March 20, has gotten more publicity.  It claims that BCR is owed tens of millions in unpaid royalties, and that the band was only paid $250,000 by Arista for all its efforts.  BCR is represented in the lawsuit by the firm of Holland and Knight.  An attorney reached for comment by the WSJ said he really likes their music.

Link: WSJ Law Blog (also links to PDF of complaint)
Link: Wikipedia: Bay City Rollers
Link: Wikipedia: Billboard Top 100 hits of 1976

Meat Loaf Sues Over "Bat Out of Hell"

The artist formerly (and still) known as Meat Loaf, whose real name is the less tasty Michael Aday,  is suing his former collaborator Jim Steinman for $50 million over the rights to the phrase "Bat Out of Hell."  That was the title of Meat Loaf's 1977 album containing such hits as "Paradise by the Dashboard Light," and . . . some others.  Loaf alleges that Steinman is wrongly claiming ownership of the phrase, and that although Steinman wrote the song "Bat Out of Hell" in the first place, the title phrase has been associated with Loaf for almost thirty years and he should be the only one allowed to use it now.

Steinman wrote "Bat Out of Hell" for the album "Bat Out of Hell."  He also wrote and produced Loaf's second album, called "Bat Out of Hell," in 1993, but the two have since parted ways.  This dispute arises now because Loaf is about to release his third album, which will be called "Bat Out of Hell," and Loaf alleges that Steinman is trying to interfere with that release by wrongly claiming that he owns the phrase "Bat Out of Hell."

I hope this dispute does not drag on so long that it interferes with the release of "Bat Out of Hell VI: Like a Bat Out of Hell," which we apparently can expect sometime around the year 2048.

Link: AP via FindLaw.com

Legal Battle Between Dwarf Tribute Bands is Looming

Lawyers for Joey Fatale, "the 4-foot, 4-inch New Yorker who heads the all-dwarf KISS tribute band MiniKiss" -- that's a quote -- sent a cease-and-desist letter to a rival band leader who Fatale accuses of stealing his idea.  His idea for an all-dwarf KISS tribute band.  Say it with me: "all-dwarf KISS tribute band," and wonder why you didn't think of that before now.

Fatale accuses former MiniKiss drummer "Little Tim" Loomis, who at 4 feet zero inches is in fact littler than Big Joey, of leaving MiniKiss to form Tiny Kiss, also a dwarf KISS tribute band.  According to the Los Angeles Times, Tiny Kiss includes "three little people and a 350-pound woman," so it may be a slightly different concept.  But Joey is still pissed.

He is denying reports that he tried to sneak past security last month at the Hard Rock in Las Vegas in order to confront Loomis.  According to a representative, Fatale tried to sneak in posing as a member of Tiny Kiss, but was found out and was escorted from the premises.  Loomis gloated about the opposing dwarf's eviction: "He came out here and tried to cause trouble, so I had him 86ed from the Hard Rock.  The impression I got was that he was looking for a fight."

Fatale did not deny going to the Hard Rock, but disputed the details.  "This whole thing about me going to the Hard Rock with my gang — that didn't happen," he said.  He claimed he went there sans gang, because he had heard that Tiny Kiss was playing and simply wanted to "approach them as a gentleman."

The MiniKiss website has a number of poor-quality pictures of the band in concert and posing with various celebrities ranging from Chris Rock down to Vanilla Ice.

Link: Los Angeles Times

Village Policeman Charged With Corruption

Victor Willis, the highest-ranking member of the Village People, has been re-arrested after attempting to flee from gun and drug charges against him in San Mateo County, California.

Ironically, he was the policeman.

Willis, who was the co-author of such hits as "In the Navy" and "YMCA," has apparently been in trouble numerous times in recent years.  He had agreed to a plea deal on the earlier charges that would have led to a maximum of 16 months in jail.  He later disappeared, only to be re-arrested this past weekend.  The attempted flight means that he now may face a sentence of more than five years in jail.

The construction worker, cowboy, and biker could not be reached for comment.

Not sure what point Reuters News was trying to make with this quote, from Morley Pitt, the assistant D.A.: "'It's just sad that his life has spiraled down to the point where in all likelihood he's going to go to prison,' Pitt, who said he enjoys the song 'YMCA,' told Reuters."  Nice touch, reporter.

I guess a D.A.'s got to do his duty, even if the accused did co-write one of the cheeriest pop tunes (and gay anthems) ever recorded.

MSNBC.com