Lowering the Bar

Dog-Walking Controversy May Cost Couple Their Home

Robert Wirth, Jr., and his wife, Sandra Blaker, are appealing a court's order directing them to pay over $40,000 in a case stemming from Wirth's insistence on walking their dog without a leash in violation of homeowners-association rules.  The association has a lien on their home, and says it will foreclose if they don't pay.

According to the report, Blaker actually owns the home, and it appears that Wirth does most or all of the dog-walking.  The article did not mention anything about how she feels about all this.  I assume they share the same feelings or else things may be getting a bit awkward in that household.

In 2003, after some initial skirmishes over Wirth's refusal to leash, the association fined him and his wife $1,000.  They refused to pay, so the association filed a lien and started legal proceedings.  The case has been dragging on ever since.  Last year, a trial judge ordered the couple to pay up, and said they are also on the hook for interest, attorneys' fees and other costs, so that they owe over $40,000.  Wirth was quoted as saying that he has (or they have) also been forced to spend over $100,000 on legal fees, meaning that the potential cost of the dispute is rapidly approaching half the value of the home.

The president of the association admitted that Wirth's unfettered Labrador was well-behaved and had not caused any problems (unlike Mr. Wirth, apparently, who he described as "very difficult"), but suggested that if they made an exception for this dog then other, more ill-mannered dogs might want one, too.  You know how dogs are.

Wirth probably did not help his case by suggesting he would shoot and kill one of the board members if necessary.  He has argued he is allowed to do so under Florida's "Stand Your Ground Law," which makes "imminent peril" a justification for deadly force under certain circumstances.  See Fla. Stat. sec. 776.013.  He might want to pay for some more legal advice on that topic, although police have said they think Wirth spoke out of frustration and does not pose imminent peril to anyone.

The appeal has been pending since February 2008.

Link: St. Petersburg Times
Link: Anthony Sebok on the Florida "Stand Your Ground" Law, FindLaw.com (May 2, 2005)

Grad Student Says He Will Sue Over Lost Collection of Lizard Dung

"Its loss left me reeling and altered the course of my life forever," said Daniel Bennett about the 77 pounds of lizard dung somebody threw out while he was away from his lab.

Bennett, a graduate student at Leeds University in England, is working on a Ph.D. and is studying the rare butaan lizard, a relative of the famous komodo dragon. He has been collecting samples of butaan crap for several years, he said, in order to study the animal's dietary habits. Bennett said he was devastated by the loss of the research materials, which the university said had been thrown away in error because the large bag of dung was not marked in any way.

Bennett seemed to concede that the scientific importance of the reptile excrement might not have been immediately apparent to others. "To some people it might have been just a bag of lizard shit," he said, "but to me it represented seven years of painstaking work searching the rainforest with a team of reformed poachers to find the feces of one of the world's largest, rarest and most mysterious lizards." Well, his thesis may be screwed, but it sounds like somebody's got an awesome screenplay in the works.

Was this the largest collection of lizard shit in the world? Bennett was apparently asked.

"Whether it was the largest collection of lizard shit in the world is uncertain," he said. "But it certainly contained the only dietary sample from that little-known species Varanus olivaceus, and probably the most complete dietary record of any single population of animals in Southeast Asia." And now that is lost to humanity. Let us drape the world in black, and lament.

The university called the matter "unfortunate," and has apparently conducted a review of its dung-disposal policies to prevent any future mishaps, just in case anybody else's thesis may require storing large bags of crap on the premises. "Lessons have been learned and protocols improved," it said in a statement, "to ensure this cannot happen again." It has offered Bennett 500 pounds and an apology as compensation, and has stated that his Ph.D. will be awarded on schedule, subject to minor corrections to his thesis unrelated to the lost "materials."

Bennett, still reeling from his loss, says this is not enough, and that he will "see them in court." You know, that might not be such a great idea. Given that he will apparently be getting his Ph.D. after all, it is hard to see what his damages would be. What value do you put on the loss of an opportunity to pick oh-so-carefully through 77 pounds of lizard feces? Hard to say.

Link: AFP via Yahoo! News

Cranky Ball-Snatcher Sues for Emotional Distress

Last October in Cincinnati, an 89-year-old woman who was sick of kids' toys ending up in her yard was arrested after she confiscated a stray football.  According to Edna Jester -- and if I was going to make up a name for her, I like to think it would be that one -- her property is constantly bombarded with a meteoric rain of footballs, basketballs, soccer balls, and whatnot, all coming from the yard of the Tanis family next door.  In October, she decided she had endured one too many.

It was not the first item Jester (right, displaying her patented "Out of My Yard" expression) had confiscated.  She admitted to three, although Mr. Tanis said it was "about 10."  Apparently having finally run out of balls, he called police, who asked Jester to return the ball to the children.  Jester refused.  They then tried to give her a citation rather than arresting her, but she refused to sign it.  Police then took her downtown and booked her for petty theft.  (According to police, Jester demanded that they handcuff her, but they refused.)  The charges were later dropped, however.

Jester has now sued Paul and Kelly Tanis, alleging that the emotional distress resulting from the repeated property infringements has caused her health to deteriorate. According to the complaint, members of the Tanis family have repeatedly "thrown objects against the side of Ms. Jester’s house, into her gardens and onto her porch," and they “regularly and without permission” enter her yard to retrieve the “carelessly tossed” items.  The lawsuit seeks unspecified damages.

According to Kelly Tanis, Jester still has the football.

Link: Cincinnati Enquirer
Link: AP via Findlaw.com

If You Have Any Claims to the Pyramid, Now's the Time

A quiet-title action filed in San Francisco yesterday was described this way:

Quiet title action. The plaintiffs seek to re-establish title to several parcels located approximately in the center of a block in San Francisco bounded by Washington, Sansome, Clay and Montgomery Streets.

Something about that block sounded familiar to me, so I checked Google Maps.  Turns out it has a giant pyramid on it.

Depending on what "approximately in the center" means, could be that somebody out there owns some relatively valuable real estate. I post this as a public service.