Lowering the Bar

Snack Analysis Leads to Thief

It seems fairly common for burglars to treat themselves to a snack while they are burgling -- occasionally one will even stop to make himself an omelette or something like that -- but it may become less so if this story is widely distributed in the burglar community.

A 37-year-old man was reportedly linked to an April burglary in Darmstadt, Germany, by saliva-borne DNA he left on a slice of salami he snacked on during the crime.  German police announced on January 31 that the suspect, who was already in custody on suspicion of committing 19 other burglaries, had been linked to the Darmstadt theft by the DNA evidence.

A police spokesman said that the man had broken into the office of a workshop, stole cash and caused damage worth about 3,400 euros (now, sadly, worth over $5,000).  It was not clear whether that valuation included the damage to the salami, which the burglar happened across at the scene.  "He didn't bring the salami with him," the spokesman said.  "It was just lying around in the office."

You can now add one to your list of reasons not to eat a piece of salami that you find "just lying around," especially if you are in the middle of a crime.  And if you can't resist taking a bite, in the age of DNA analysis be aware that you had better eat the whole thing to get rid of the evidence.

Link: Reuters

Nice One, Einstein

The latest article of Newsweek has an interesting review of a new bio of Albert Einstein, who besides inventing special and general relativity, providing proof of the existence of atoms, providing the foundation for quantum mechanics, and thinking up that E=MC² thing -- all of which he did while he was just sitting around bored at the patent office -- also tried to come up with a legal framework that would lead to greater harmony in his domestic life:

Einstein's relations with his first wife, Mileva, degenerated so badly that in 1914 he demanded she sign a contract promising to deliver three meals to his room daily, renounce "all personal relations with me insofar as they are not completely necessary for social reasons" and "stop talking to me if I request it."

He never totally understood quantum physics, either.

Newsweek, Apr. 16, 2007, at p. 100.

New LAPD Flashlights Feared Less Effective in Beatings

On Friday, LAPD Chief William Bratton unveiled new police flashlights powered by LEDs rather than standard bulbs.  The new flashlights are brighter, use less power, need fewer batteries, and so can be made smaller than the two-pound, two-foot model that was previously standard-issue.  While some praised the new high-tech, ten-inch model 7060 LED flashlight, others may be lamenting the loss of the good old Mark One Combined Photon Emission Unit/Kinetic Individual-Suspect-Control Device.

That is, the new flashlights will be harder to beat people with.

That's exactly why the old ones were banned.  According to the report, the idea for the LED coplight "was conceived just days after" the media captured and broadcast images of police using the Mark One to beat a car-theft suspect.  The smaller, brighter flashlight thus fits perfectly with the department's plans to deploy smaller, brighter policemen.

As you might expect, the ACLU chimed in on this story, and its executive director for southern California emitted one of the better quotes so far this year.  "It's a really important step in the right direction," she said, "and it's going to make a difference in how the police department deals with the community.  We've always felt that a flashlight was not an instrument to beat people with.  This new one will serve the purpose it was intended to."  Not an instrument to beat people with?  Lady, if God didn't mean for us to beat people with portable electrical devices he wouldn't have made batteries so big and heavy.  Anyway, flashlights don't beat people -- people beat people.  Smaller flashlights just means more strokes per criminal.

Or, not necessarily, if the Model 7060 can be deployed in the right way.  The report noted that it also features a "tactical mode," in which it becomes "bright enough to temporarily blind suspects."  Its specially designed photons undoubtedly will leave innocent eyeballs intact.

Link: AP via Yahoo! News