Call for Transcripts

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Last month the New York Times did a fantastic video reenactment of some truly ridiculous deposition testimony. See "What Is a Photocopier? (Deposition, Dramatized)," Lowering the Bar (Apr. 28, 2014) (direct link here). They are looking for more of that kind of thing, which I think is great news, and they asked me for help, which I also think is great. The posts linked below are the ones I recommended as mentioning possible candidates for reenactment, although I unfortunately don't actually have all of the transcripts.

1. Follow the Chicken

I only have two pages of this depo, and there is almost certainly other good stuff in it, but these two pages alone would justify a reenactment and possibly also an off-Broadway run. Even if it ends up only being a monologue, it's an amazing monologue. I'm pretty confident the NYT will be reenacting "Follow the Chicken," and you will likely be reenacting it in your own mind for some time to come.

2. DA Sticks With Witness Who Says He Sees Horned Aliens

From the post:

Lowrey is the company's former public safety officer, and is expected to testify that he warned about certain dangers but was ignored.  At Lowrey's deposition, Greka's attorneys did ask about that testimony, but according to the report, "focused much of their questioning on his claims that alienlike creatures emerge from his closet and put pinholes into his chest and those of his family members."

Needless to say, I would very much like to have this transcript.

3. Transcript of Witchcraft Resolution Hearings Posted

This was about a 2008 hearing in the Connecticut state legislature in which the committee was considering a resolution to "exonerate" two women convicted of witchcraft in the 1600s. Granted, that was a long time ago, but did involve women being wrongly tortured and executed, so I thought maybe the committee chair could have taken it a little more seriously. I kept thinking of Fred Willard's clueless announcer from "Best in Show."

 4. Guys, No Dealing Drugs at the Office – I'm Trying to Run a Ponzi Scheme Here

In 2011, the Wall Street Journal quoted testimony given by Scott Rothstein after he had pleaded guilty and was interested in cooperating with anybody who asked. (WSJ reports here and here.) In my favorite excerpt, he talked about how he tried to keep drugs out of his law office—though not because he had any issue with drugs: "It troubled me, probably because they were actually dealing the pot out of the office while I was in the middle of running a several-hundred-million-dollar Ponzi scheme." Yeah, I mean, how stupid can you be?

 5. Defendant Gone Wild

Joe Francis of "Girls Gone Wild" infamy (and frequent denunciations here) has been forced to give a number of depositions and has acted like a grownup in approximately none of them. In the one referenced in this post, he just pretended not to know what any English words meant. In a previous depo he reportedly made "repeated attempts to disrupt the deposition with flatulence," but I'm not sure if the NYT has any interest in reenacting that.

 6. When Does a DNA-Test Result With 99.9% Certainty Not Prove Paternity?

This post was about a Missouri case that must have generated at least three good depo transcripts, namely those of a young mother and the two identical twins with whom she had slept (on two different occasions) while they were all in town for the rodeo. (The involvement of identical twins is the answer to the title question.)

7. "The Secret": Your Path to Happiness, Love, Litigation

I'd guess that everyone involved in this case was a lunatic, with the possible exception of the lawyers. The deposition transcripts must be completely ridiculous.

8. Running

This one is too short to reenact, but too good not to mention here.

Again, I would greatly appreciate getting copies of any of the relevant transcripts. Also, I'm sure that many of you have transcripts or excerpts that are at least as ridiculous as these. If so please send them to me. I'll pass on the best ones, and as always will provide credit or anonymity, whichever you want.