Anti-Fluffernutter Legislation Sparks Battle in Massachusetts

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Always looking for more ways to divide the party internally, Democrats are now arguing amongst themselves over whether or not to ban Fluffernutters in New England schools.

Yet more evidence that all other problems have been solved by our state legislatures.

Like most of you, I wrongly assumed that a “Fluffernutter” was some bizarre kind of sex act, and so at first glance I supported banning it from schools, or at least grade schools. Turns out that in fact it is a bizarre kind of sandwich, which according to the AP involves Marshmallow Fluff and peanut butter on white bread, sometimes with banana slices included. Yum. The concoction and Marshmallow Fluff itself apparently have a “long history in Massachusetts,” and many parents use it as a “food of last resort for finicky eaters.”

Not Jarrett Barrios, a Democratic state senator who was outraged —outraged!—that his third-grade son was given a Fluffernutter (again, not a kind of sex act) at his school for lunch. He has proposed a bill that would ban schools from offering the sandwich more than once a week.  He said that his legislation may seem “a little silly,” but seems to have somehow argued that it was not.

Don’t tell that to Kathi-Anne Reinstein, a Democratic state representative whose district includes the company that makes Marshmallow Fluff, Durkee-Mower Inc. Not only was it not silly to her, but she has responded with her own proposal to designate the Fluffernutter the official sandwich of the entire Commonwealth, and stated that she will “fight to the death for Fluff.”

Stung by the opposition, Barrios said (through a spokesperson) that he was not “anti-Fluff” and would even co-sponsor Reinstein’s bill, finding that not inconsistent with restricting the Official Sandwich to once per week.

“He loves Fluff as much as the next legislator,” said the spokesperson.  That, I believe.