House Stabbed

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Photo: james.thompson (Flickr)

Resting comfortably

A Seattle-area home is said to be recovering from a knife wound it suffered sometime late Sunday night, according to KOMO News

Police believe the home was stabbed by a man who was angry over his belief that the home's owner had broken a date with him. The woman told police that she recently met the suspect through a friend and that they were not "dating," although she had agreed to meet up with him on Sunday. She said the meeting had not taken place because her car broke down on the way. Whether that was true or not, I think you'll agree the suspect's text-message response to learning that they would not be meeting was totally unacceptable:

"I swear to god if your [expletive] with me," it reportedly read, "I will steal your car and melt it down to [expletive], then busy in your house and [expletive] on your [expletive] couch, paybacks a [expletive] keep playing [your dog] home alone."

I mean, has the man ever heard of apostrophes?

Even if we forgive that (and the capitalization mistake) because it's a text message, it just doesn't seem to make any sense. Melt a car "down to [expletive]"? What even fits there? I am guessing "busy" is an autocorrect issue and that he meant to say "bust in your house," but that's hardly grammatical. And "keep playing [your dog] home alone"? What?

I guess it doesn't really matter, because once you threaten to [expletive] on someone's [expletive] couch it seems fair to assume you're not getting a second date anyway.

The report says the woman "felt the above message was partially a threat to her dog," and that's certainly possible, but there are lots of reasons for legitimate concern embedded in that message, of course. And any concerns were verified early Monday morning when the woman returned home "to find her door unlocked and one of her large kitchen knives stuck into the outside of the house."

Nothing is funny about this except for the guy's ridiculous overreaction, of course. I just haven't heard of anyone stabbing a house before, but if somebody stabbed my house I would certainly take that seriously. Wait, there is one other funny thing: the report concludes by saying that police "are investigating the incident as possible stalking and burglary." You think?