Good Reason to Kill #51: Told My Wife to Keep Her Shirt On

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Here's how this one starts:

Robert Pierce, whose wife Catharine was involved in a topless gardening dispute in 2010, is set to stand trial on assault charges after police say he assaulted a Regional Transportation District security guard who told his wife she could not be topless at the Boulder Transit Center.

Really, they had me at "topless gardening dispute."

These are by no means the only two toplessness disputes in which the Pierces have been involved, it seems. Mrs. Pierce is said to be "known in Boulder for gardening topless outside her home," which was the cause of all the hullaballoo in 2010. Apparently the Pierces were threatened with eviction at that time, except that it turns out being topless outdoors is not a crime in Boulder. It is against the rules of the Regional Transportation District, though, which is why RTD security asked Mrs. Pierce to remain shirted on July 17.

Of course the parties disagree about what happened next, but a security guard claims that Robert Pierce started poking him in the chest and then escalated to actual punching. (There are also wrestling allegations but I'm not going to try to sort those out.) The fracas resulted in Mr. Pierce being arrested for assault and both Pierces being banned from RTD property for a year. The assault charge is set for trial on November 25.

According to the report, Mr. PIerce told police he was just trying to protect his wife, that he is President Eisenhower's son, and that he plans to run for sheriff of Boulder County. I guess I wouldn't rule out the possibility that his dad might have been named "President Eisenhower," but it seems most likely that all three of those claims are false.