Some Updates, Which I Guess Have Turned Out to Be Mostly About Randy Quaid

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  • No ruling yet in the case of John Brennan, not the drone-loving CIA director but the heroic anti-TSA protester who stripped naked at Portland International Airport last year. A judge dismissed criminal charges against Brennan on First Amendment grounds but Brennan was fined $1,000 by the Constitution-hating TSA. At a hearing on the matter, the TSA called a police officer and four agents to testify in support of its claim he "disrupted" operations by showing his booty. A TSA manager claimed they were worried that he might be stripping as a "diversion," which is a crock. Well, if you weren't all so eager to run over and see somebody naked, it couldn't serve as a diversion, could it? Morons.
  • Professional actor and amateur lunatic Randy Quaid, who fled to Canada with his wife to escape felony vandalism charges but claimed it was really because they were being hunted by celebrity assassins he called "Hollywood star-whackers," will not be getting permanent-resident status there. Sensible as always, Canada denied his petition in December, but the Quaids are appealing. "The refugee claims should remain intact," they wrote when seeking review, "as should Evi and Randy Quaid's heads remain attached to their necks and it is their firm belief that their lives are at stake and being racketeered on." I'm guessing they are representing themselves.
  • By "celebrity assassins," I meant assassins who kill only celebrities, not assassins who are celebrities. (Quaid claims that Heath Ledger and David Carradine were previous victims of these shadowy killers, for example.) I'd have written that "celebrity-assassins," I think, as in "celebrity-assassin David Hasselhoff," which is just an example that would make sense if David Hasselhoff murdered people for hire. And yes he is still a celebrity.
  • Okay, one more on the Quaid saga. In the application, they also denied having withdrawn their claim of refugee status (which they did in 2010), saying the government lost the paperwork. They also insist that their lives are still at risk "from real criminals of organized crime," and conclude: "The Quaids [sic] claim is not Harold and Kumar go to White Castle. Evi and Randy Quaids [sic] lives are in danger here!.[sic]." Great stuff.