Official State Crap: Colorado

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  • Official state flower: The white and lavender columbine.

Actually, the identity of the Colorado state flower is not entirely clear. Section 24-80-905 does say it's "the white and lavender columbine," but that turns out to be a description, not a name. The following statute specifically refers to the species Aquilegia caerulea, the common name of which is the "Colorado Blue Columbine." But since the columbine flower is often not blue or white or lavender, I would say that the actual Colorado state flower is who cares.

  • Official state song: "Where the Columbines Grow," words and music by A.J. Fynn. Any goddamn type of columbine, or all of them, I don't know.
  • Possible co-official state song: "Rocky Mountain High" by John Denver. This was declared to be an official state song by joint resolution in 2007, but the statutes themselves were not amended to reflect this.
  • Official state folk dance: square dancing (yet again). But Colorado defines this to include "squares, rounds, clogging, contra, line, the Virginia reel, and heritage dances," so it's like an umbrella category or something.
  • Official state bird: the lark bunting (calamospiza melancorys stejneger).
  • Official state pets: the dog (canis lupus familiaris) and the cat (felis catus), but only those that "are adopted from Colorado animal shelters and rescues." Official-state-pet status confers no special benefits, but this is a nice thing to do anyway.
  • Official state reptile: the western painted turtle (chrysemys picta bellii).
  • Official state amphibian: the western tiger salamander (ambysotma mavortium).
  • Official state fish: the greenback cutthroat trout (oncorhynchus clarki stomias).
  • Official state insect: the Colorado hairstreak (hypaurotis crysalus), which, although it sounds like something that might be totally freaky and cool, is in fact a butterfly.
  • Official state animal: the rocky mountain bighorn sheep (ovis canadensis). Of course the bird, dog, cat, turtle, salamander, trout, and butterfly are also animals, but presumably of second-tier status.
  • Official state gemstone: aquamarine.
  • Official state rock: Yule marble.
  • Official state illustrious person: Dr. Florence Rena Sabin.

What, not John Elway? Who is this person? Let's see: Born in Colorado in 1871, first woman to graduate from Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine, first woman to become a full professor there (making her also the first woman to become a full professor at any U.S. medical college), first woman to be elected to the National Academy of Sciences, and head of the Department of Cellular Studies at the Rockefeller Institute; known for her work on blood diseases and tuberculosis; later came out of retirement in her 70s to campaign (successfully) for health care reform in Colorado and chair the Denver Health Department.

Never won a Super Bowl, but okay, fair enough.

  • Official state ghost town: any area designated as such by the state historical society (as long as the owner, if any, doesn't object to the declaration). Note: Once the designation is made, it is a crime to damage said ghost town in any way.

Colo. Rev. Stat. §§ 24-80-905 through 24-80-1202.