God Responds to Nebraskan’s Lawsuit


As previously reported, Nebraska State Senator Ernie Chambers filed a lawsuit against God last week, claiming (to make a point about frivolous lawsuits) that the deity was responsible for a great deal of suffering, and asking for a permanent injunction to prevent further mischief.  On Friday, God responded.

More specifically, a special appearance was filed on behalf of God to contest jurisdiction, noting that God had not been properly served with the complaint.  (He must have read about it on the Internet.)God's response  The pleading turns out to have been filed by Eric Perkins (who practices, appropriately enough, in Corpus Christi).  While it is based on the alleged lack of jurisdiction, it also takes the opportunity to deny the allegation that God has caused extensive injury to mankind.  According to Perkins, his Client “contends that any harm or injury suffered is a direct and proximate result of mankind ignoring obvious warnings.”  (Mr. Perkins clearly has never practiced in California if he thinks “mankind ignoring obvious warnings” is a valid defense to liability.)

Perkins said that he “hopes” the lawsuit was just a stunt, but appeared to be worried that “maybe [Chambers’] timing has something to do with world affairs.”  If the lawsuit against God was a sign of the End Times, Perkins said, “I’d hate to be that person who sat back and did nothing.”

Blessed is he that readeth the prophecy, and keeps those things which are written therein: for the time is at hand.

I heard in my office a great voice, as of a trumpet,

Saying, what thou seest, write upon thy legal pad, or type it, and send it unto the District Court of Douglas County, Nebraska.

And I turned to see a throne of fire, and in the right hand of him that sat upon the throne a pleading, sealed with seven seals.

And I heard a strong angel proclaim, Who is worthy to serve the pleading, and to loose the seals thereof?

And I wept much, for no man was found worthy to serve the pleading by hand.

So I faxed it.

As it turns out, though, Perkins’ response was not the only one filed on behalf of God last week.  The clerk of the Douglas County Court said that another response, this one listing the Archangel Michael as a witness, “appeared” on the counter at the clerk’s office Friday.  If God does have more than one attorney, it should be interesting to see the fight over who gets to be lead counsel.

Link:  AP via Yahoo! News
Link:  Book of Revelation (King James Version)