Isn't it time for a remake of "Animal House" that features a sorority instead of a fraternity? If so, they may be able to base it on Pi Beta Phi — at least a composite of a couple of the Ohio chapters.
Here's how part of that might go:
Dean Wormer: Greg, what is the worst sorority on this campus?
Greg: Well, that would be hard to say, sir. They're each outstanding in their own way . . . .
Dean Wormer: Cut the horseshit, son. I've got their disciplinary files right here. Who trashed the facilities they rented for their spring formal? Who used plates loaded with food as missiles in food fights? Who destroyed most of the silk flower arrangements and threw crystal vases off a balcony? Who broke a sink and ruined a banquet table by engaging in sexual congress on them, on the latter occasion surrounded by a cheering throng? Who flipped over an appetizer table and ruined the carpets with liquor and vomit? Who knocked over and broke our concrete lion? Every Halloween, all of our keg taps disappear. Every spring, somebody takes a crap in the sink.
Greg: You're talking about Pi Phi, sir.
Dean Wormer: Of course I'm talking about Pi Phi, you twerp!
According to the Smoking Gun, which posted letters from the facilities complaining about the damage, the Pi Phi chapter at Miami University was suspended last month after its spring formal got just a bit out of hand, and the Parkersburg Art Center in Parkersburg, West Virginia, has apparently hired attorneys to pursue the $47,000 in damages inflicted on it by the Ohio University chapter of the same sorority.