Assorted Stupidity #81

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  • The guy who stole brains from an Indiana museum so he could sell them on eBay (see Skull Artist Helps Catch Brain Thieves” (Jan. 6, 2014) has received a four-year sentence, although it doesn’t look like he will actually do jail time unless he reoffends. The good part, though, is that the judge also required him to get a high-school diploma or GED, so the guy who stole brains now has to go develop one of his own.
  • The Abnormal Use blog beat me to the story about the dismissal of the California motorcycle-boner case, so I’ll just direct you over there for that one. Based on their summary, there was evidence that the plaintiff suffered from priapism, but the connection between that and his bike seems to have been a little shaky.
  • A new report on the Secret Service is not, shall we say, complimentary. It contains these sentences, among others: “USSS was not aware that at least seven bullets hit the [White House],” “USSS’s hiring panel does not appear to always have access to the results of FBI background checks,” “a man posing as a Member of Congress … breached a secure area backstage [and] managed to speak with the President,” and “Ogilvie could not recall what happened to five of the glasses of scotch, the glass of wine, and two or three of the beers.”
  • “A former banking lawyer who entered a woman’s bedroom wearing fishnet stockings and a purple G-string told a court he thought she was a giant panda,” is another interesting sentence (from an entirely different source).
  • Bonus points: the “giant panda” defense worked. This is because the man had been charged with intent to commit a sexual offense, but the jury accepted his explanation that he was just looking for a place to sleep, and because of the drugs he had taken “I honestly thought it was a big panda bear in the bed,” in which he presumably had no interest.