Assorted Stupidity #69

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  • How many beer-battered fish would you need to eat to give you a BAC of .062? Assuming you had not been drinking, of course, and this driver assured police he had not. Sure, the story's a good one, but the fact that he had an open container in the truck and nine previous DWI convictions might provide a reason for further investigation.
  • Meanwhile in Saskatoon, "workers fled a Tim Horton's restaurant after a patron threw a live snake behind the counter during an argument over sandwich toppings." (Diced onions, specifically.) A police spokesman opined that the workers "were very frightened," which she seems to have deduced from the facts that (1) they fled and (2) "there was quite a lot of screaming going on." Neither the snake nor its owner turned out to be particularly dangerous, but both are in custody.
  • false detailsOn December 10, the Gisborne Herald (NZ) reported that a disqualified driver ("disqualified"=license revoked) gave police his brother's information after being stopped by police. One problem with that plan: his brother is also disqualified. Of course, this is not the first time this clever strategy has failed. See "Tips on Choosing a False Identity," Lowering the Bar (Jan. 11, 2011) (noting two cases in which the person impersonated was also wanted by police). 
  • Speaking of impersonations, this week a federal judge in California dismissed the second of two named plaintiffs who were suing Apple for alleged antitrust violations that they claimed harmed iPod owners from 2006 to 2009. Turns out neither of the plaintiffs actually owned an iPod during that time. That's awkward, because a class action is based on the idea that the named plaintiff is actually representative of class members, and if they aren't … well, no class action. And if their status was ever misrepresented to the court … bad for other reasons.
  • To be fair, the case has only been pending for ten years (it's about iPods, not iPads), and you know how busy lawyers can get. Still, it is generally a good idea to make sure that you actually have a client at some point during the first decade, or at least before the trial starts.