Man Has Perfectly Believable Story About Why He Was Naked In a Cemetery

LTB logo

Oh, for the simpler times when we could all leave our doors unlocked, our phones weren't all tapped, and the authorities were less cynical and would accept at face value your explanations for why you were butt-naked in a cemetery on a Sunday afternoon.  Alas, those days are gone.

An off-duty police officer in Elkhart, Indiana, said he was jogging near a cemetery on July 12 when he noticed a naked man get into a truck and drive away.  This industrious officer, apparently suspecting some sort of foul play, noted the truck's license number and tracked the man down.

Probably somewhat surprised that law enforcement had allocated any resources to come interrogate him, what with the National Threat Advisory still at "Elevated," the man did not have a good story prepared.

It began to come apart towards the end of his first sentence, when he said he had been at the cemetery to "check on his in-laws' graves."  Yep, just stoppin' by to see if the old in-laws are okay, there in their graves and all, in case somebody has been grave tamperin' or possibly they weren't one hundred percent dead yet.  I mean, can you imagine?  Not likely but you never know.  It was sort of naggin' at me, like when you think you left the iron on?  So I thought I'd come by to check.

Fair enough, but there was still the nakedness to explain.

The man said he had been golfing all day, and noticed when he stopped to check on the in-laws that his underwear was wet.  (Why he had been golfing in his underwear in the rain is not yet clear.)  He had just undressed in the truck, you see, because of the wetness of the underwear, and such like, and so forth.

He then explained that, once naked, he had left the truck because he "wanted a closer look at some flowers."  The kind that grow on your in-laws' graves are beautiful this time of year.  And he had to leave the truck to get this closer look at said flowers because he did not have his glasses with him.  Yes, that did make golfing difficult, thanks for asking.  So, you see, officer, that's really all there was to it.

I'd have let him go just in exchange for having this story to tell, and because the man had probably suffered enough, but this officer felt differently.  The man was charged with misdemeanor public indecency and may face charges of unlicensed semi-nude rain golfing.