Judge Invites Bickering Attorneys to “Kindergarten Party”

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When judges get fed up with discovery disputes, this might happen:

    Greetings and Salutations!

You are invited to a kindergarten party on THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 1, 2011, at 10:00 a.m. in Courtroom 2 of the United States Courthouse, 200 W. Eighth Street, Austin, Texas.

The party will feature many exciting and informative lessons, including…

  • How to telephone and communicate with a lawyer
  • How to enter into reasonable agreements about deposition dates
  • How to limit depositions to reasonable subject matter
  • Why it is neither cute nor clever to attempt to quash a subpoena for technical failures of service when notice is reasonably given; and
  • An advanced seminar on not wasting the time of a busy federal judge and his staff because you are unable to practice law at the level of a first year law student.

Invitation to this exclusive event is not RSVP. Please remember to bring a sack lunch! The United States Marshals have beds available if necessary, so you may wish to bring a toothbrush in case the party runs late.

The Wall Street Journal reported on Thursday that the parties and their attorneys had taken the hint — not only did they resolve the subpoena issues, they settled the entire case. The kindergarten party was therefore canceled.

Added to the Noteworthy Court Orders page, joining such other notable discovery rulings as the one ordering the parties to resolve a dispute by means of a rock-paper-scissors match. (They got the hint there as well.)