Assorted Stupidity #68

LTB logo
  • It sucks to lose things, it really sucks to lose an envelope full of cash, and it super-sucks to lose an envelope full of stolen cash because you dropped it in a police officer's driveway. A passerby found it and, because this happened in Nebraska, gave it to the homeowner. The cash plus other evidence led to a search warrant that resulted in charges of felony mail theft.
  • If somebody told you this week that he had a bridge he wanted to sell you, and you were in Michigan, he might have been telling the truth. Police there said a 40-foot, 5,000-pound bridge that had been reported stolen on Wednesday turned up the next day about 20 miles away. Apparently there is no word so far on who stole it or how. I'm guessing the why involves cutting it up for scrap metal, although it seems like there would be easier ways to get scrap metal. Like in smaller pieces. Maybe they just had a thing they needed to bridge?
  • Have you been planning to set up your own highly intrusive and completely ineffective security checkpoint? Today's your lucky day, because a government-surplus seller is offering Rapiscan backscatter scanners on eBay for just $7,995. You previously paid $113,000 apiece for these when you bought them for the government, but since the government doesn't use them anymore for very good reasons, it unloaded them so now you can buy them again. If you're interested please contact me first because I have a great deal for you on a bridge with a scanner at each end.
  • As a special bonus, each one probably comes with several terabytes worth of naked pictures of the American public. Probably a bunch of terrorists in there too, who knows?
  • A New Mexico school district has shown its commitment to the War on Drugs by punishing a student for crushing and snorting some Smarties candy. Not only did the student probably not do that, candy isn't drugs. Which is why you wouldn't snort it. Yet the district has punished the student for violating drug policies. KQRE News said it "asked the superintendent if the district has a rule on the books that classifies certain candy as drugs," and he said no. KQRE then asked him "if the district would implement a new rule or at least strengthen its drug policy to include Smarties." Apparently realizing the reporter was now mocking him, he got defensive. "If snorting candy becomes the new normal," he insisted, "then we will investigate and look at a new policy." No, you'll look at a new policy in response to the complaint the family is about to file, actually.