- “A woman has been found guilty of shooting her husband five times in a Michigan murder case apparently witnessed by a parrot.” (BBC). The parrot allegedly later began to repeat the words “Don’t shoot,” which he presumably heard either from the victim or on TV. Prosecutors ultimately decided not to call the parrot to testify.
- Here’s another example of somebody calling police to report that somebody stole his cocaine. (Miami Herald) That was an especially bad idea here because the person didn’t steal all his cocaine, so there was some left for deputies to notice when they arrived.
- Snakes in a Can! And presumably on a plane at some point, since they were mailed from Hong Kong. Worst of all, these were live king cobras, which are just as super-deadly as they sound.
- It is of course illegal to send live king cobra snakes through the U.S. mail. Not specifically them, but it is illegal to mail snakes, and it is illegal to mail poisonous reptiles, so poisonous snakes are doubly unmailable.
- Same for all poisonous insects, “except scorpions under limited circumstances.” Here are the circumstances. But then you know all about that, because you own a copy of my book. Several, probably.
- What’s stupid, pointless, worried about comic books, and is requesting $7.58 billion for fiscal year 2017? Well, yes, but also the TSA.
- Closing arguments have concluded in the trial of accused fraudster and renowned smirking expert Martin Shkreli, and kudos to the New York Post for getting both “failed hedge-fund manager” and “reviled pharmaceuticals executive” into the same short article about him.
- The main thrust of that article, though, was to note a typically crude and juvenile social-media post by Shkreli in which he said that if he’s acquitted, he’ll “get to f___ Lauren Duca.” He won’t, even if he is—Duca said today she stood by her statement in January that she would “rather eat [her] own organs” than go out with him. Anyone who does prefer dating him to self-cannibalism should hurry, because Monday may be the last day he’s available for quite a while.