Assorted Stupidity #159

LTB logo

  • A lawyer who raised his fist and said “white power” at a town council meeting has resigned, according to the ABA Journal. Sounds pretty straightforward, but in this case no one seems to understand why it happened. The lawyer said he’s not a racist, and claimed “he didn’t even realize [the comment] was coming out of his mouth.” While a racist might say that, the other members—at least one of whom is Black—agreed a racist motive would be completely out of character for their colleague, who has represented the town for decades. They also said the comment “appeared unrelated to anything going on at the meeting.”
  • Police in Vastogirardi, a town in southern Italy, have finally solved the mystery of who keeps slashing tires there. Residents were reportedly concerned that the repeated attacks were evidence of a vendetta “or even mafia-style intimidation.” After a lengthy investigation, security cameras showed it was actually a dog named “Billy.” Dog experts speculated that Billy might have gum disease that caused him to gnaw on tires to relieve the pain. A mystery not yet solved is why someone in southern Italy has a dog named “Billy.”
  • “Cocaine has a positive effect on one’s cognitive abilities in low doses,” a lawyer argued in September. He said this, as you have already guessed, at a hearing to determine whether he should be disclipined for using cocaine before a court appearance. He conceded there had been “cocaine in [his] system,” which explains why he tested positive for it after an officer noticed he was “fidgety,” his pupils were dilated, and his nose was bleeding. (He also wore sunglasses in the judge’s chambers, which seems like probable cause for a cocaine test all by itself.) But he argued that he wasn’t actually “under the influence” at the time, and was not “impaired,” partly due to the “positive effects” of the aforementioned substance. The state bar cited this argument as evidence that the lawyer had shown no “remorse” for his actions.
  • The man who, according to this report, “went viral as the Florida Joker” a few years ago has threatened to sue Rockstar Games, alleging that a weird-looking character in the trailer for Grand Theft Auto 6 is based on his likeness. “That’s me,” he said while showing a picture of the character. “GTA, we gotta talk. Or no, you gotta give me like a mill or two…. Y’all took my likeness. Y’all took my life.” Two million might actually be be a reasonable demand for a misappropriation-of-likeness claim involving GTA 6, if it could be proven. Here, I would expect the Florida Joker to recover approximately zero percent of that amount.
  • “[I]s there no realistic hope that the Respondent can or will effectively come to terms with her professional obligations?” the Law Society of British Columbia wondered in this recent decision, ultimately recommending that she be disbarred. Canadians are famously polite, but it turns out that a disciplinary history going back ten years that is “lengthy, serious, and highly aggravating” is sufficient to piss them off.