Sarcasm Not Helpful to Arrestee

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Here's a story that reminds us that if you're clearly going to get arrested anyway, you might as well lighten the mood a little with some good quips.  This has to be done very carefully to be effective, however, and you definitely don't want to be too heavy on the sarcasm.

On January 7, at about 5:50 a.m., police in Cambria, New York, were notified that a man appeared to be passed out behind the wheel of a parked car.  The caller reported that the car's engine was running, smoke was coming from under the hood, and it looked like the car was about to catch fire.  She helped the man get out of the car (that is, she woke him up), and when police and firemen arrived, Jeff Henderson's comedy act began.

  • [Officer, acting as the straight man:] What happened here?  [Henderson:] "My [expletive] car almost blew up, man.  I could have [expletive] died."
  • Where were you going?  "I got the serious munchies, and I was driving to Micky D’s for a little snack."

  • Were you alone in the car?  "No, I had a group of midgets with me who ran away when you got here. Yeah, I was (expletive) alone, dude. Do you see anyone else?"

  • Had you been drinking?  "Uh, hello, yeah, I was (expletive) drinking. I almost died, dude, and you ask me that (expletive)? … I wasn’t driving, if that’s what you’re getting at, dude. Nice try, good police work."

  • Are you willing to take a breathalyzer test?  "Dude, I don’t blow into long tube-shaped things. You have at it if you like blowing."

Henderson, who had in fact been (expletive) drinking, changed his mind about that last one after he was taken into custody and did take a breath test.  He allegedly registered a 0.23 percent blood alcohol content, which I would guess was probably significantly lower than the level when he was arrested.

After the test, he apologized to deputies, saying, "It was just the liquor talking back there, dude. I won't give you guys a hard time anymore."  The dudes still charged him with DWI, which is, like, totally harsh.

The midgets who accompanied Henderson are reportedly still at large.

Link: Niagara (NY) Gazette