Assorted Stupidity #76

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  • And why has your client not appeared today? the court asked Edinburgh solicitor Roy Harley. Harley said he didn’t know, but noted that “[t]o be frank, My Lord, when he arrived at my office [last week] he was wearing a fluorescent green Batman outfit. I think drink had been taken.” The court accepted that explanation. “I will defer the matter to next Tuesday,” he said, “but perhaps you could tell him not to dress as Batman, or Robin for that matter,” on that occasion.
  • Max, who sent me that item, points out that not only is a Batman costume inappropriate for a law office, fluorescent green is inappropriate for a Batman costume. Although anything fluorescent would be bad, actually.
  • Q: When does a positive recommendation letter not help you get admitted to the bar? A: When you failed to disclose that the person who wrote it for you only did so because he agreed to write it to get you to drop a lawsuit against him. There are lots of other reasons why this gentleman will not be practicing law in Massachusetts, but that’s the most interesting one.
  • Is there anything that can’t be improved by getting law enforcement involved? How about middle school? Jefferson Parish School District in Louisiana has 40,000 students. Over 1,600 of them were referred to police and arrested in just one year—more than ten times the number in the parish next door—often for heinous crimes like not having a hall pass and throwing Skittles at someone on the school bus. “Are we really here about Skittles?” a judge reportedly said. Yes, Your Honor. The charges were battery (because the Skittle found its target) and “interference with an educational facility.” Normally I think of the federal government for trumped-up charges like that one, but I forget that the states are our laboratories of democracy.
  • It isn’t entirely clear how much this contributed to the arrest, but it is still worth reporting that three men who robbed the Build-A-Burger in Mt. Morris, New York, left “a steady trail of macaroni salad” behind them because they ate out of the bowl during their escape. (Thanks, Elisa.) Police reportedly followed the trail to a nearby hiking path which they also found littered with parts from the cash register they had stolen along with the bowl. This was less of a sure thing than finding the guys who stole GPS devices, but still a pretty good lead.
  • David Andreatta of the Rochester Democrat & Chronicle writes that this doesn’t surprise him, because Deby Hill’s macaroni salad is “darn good.” So good that “[i]f you accidentally drop a noodle, as I did Monday, you pick it up with all the tenderness you would a day-old chick and grieve for what might have been.” That’s good macaroni salad, and good writing.