Plaintiff Seeks Freedom From Granfalloonery, Harassatoriness

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From a complaint filed last week in San Francisco: 

Michael M ____ v. City and County of San Francisco; San Francisco Superior Court; Dennis Herrera; Wayne Snodgrass; Andrew Gschwind; Harry Gower III; Robert Baysinger; Alisa Hollander Ella Yip; Adena Gilbert; Charlotte Woolard; Gail Dekreon; Ronald Albers; Vaughn Walker; George Bevan; Robert Dondero; Sandra Margulies; James Marchiano; A. Jeanne Jorge-Grove; Goldstein, Gellman, Melbostad, Gibson & Harris LLP; Michael Mak; North American Man Boy Love Association; David Thorstad; Robert Thorstad; Elizabeth Thorstad; ACT UP; Larry Kramer; Kevin Jennings; Ernest Goldsmith; Melanie Gheno; Gary Noda; Gibran Farrah; Michael Bowen; Leroy Rice; David Lambert; Ku Klux Klan; Hans Feulner; Erica Feulner; Paul Henss; John Demjanjuk; Josias Kumpf; Rell Kempf; George Rockwell Jr.; WUFENS; American Nazi Party; CHAPK; AYAK; CACI; Xe Services; Eric Prince; KBR Inc.; The Monsanto Company; Raytheon Company; Shaklee Corporation; Roger Barnett; Johannes Mehserle; Michael Rains; Greg Meyer; Donald Cameron; Mr. Sandino; Mr. Blond; Anthony Pirone; Marysol Domenici; Lynette Sweet; Dr. Joe Marshall; Robert Slaughter; Thomas Mazzucco; Kathryn Bardini; Dr. Charles Wexler; Carol Kingsley; Gregory Suhr; Kelly Dunn; James Lewis; Wendy Hurley; Gregory Neal; San Francisco Municipal Transit Authority; Nathaniel Ford Sr.; Andrew Cohen; Gavin Newson; Suliman Ashby; Stephen Ashby; Suliman Akabar; Suleman; Nicholas Clemons; Jennifer Newsom; John Hennessey; Ross Mirkarimi; San Francisco District Attorneys Office; George Gascon; Kamala Harris; Heather Fong; San Francisco Sheriffs Department; San Francisco Police Department; San Francisco Patrol Special Police; United States Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court; John Bates; Dee Benson; Thomas Hogan; Malcolm Howard; Martin Feldman; Mary McLaughlin; Frederick Scullin Jr.; Roger Vinson; Reggie Walton; Susan Wright; James Zagel; John Yoo; Mary Mason; Eric Holder Jr.; Lynndie England; Charles Graner; Kyle Foggo; Aldrich Ames; Robert Hanssen; United States Federal Bureau of Investigation; Robert Mueller III; United States Central Intelligence Agency; Leon Panetta; United States Department of Homeland Security; Janet Napolitano; United States National Clandestine Service; John Bennett; San Francisco Police Officers Association; San Francisco Police Credit Union; Gary Delagnes; The GEO Group; The Vanguard Group; ARAMARK Corporation; Guardsmark Inc.; United Geological Survey; Richard Cheney; Does 1-360 Million 

Complaint for fraud, interference with economic relations and civil rights. The plaintiff, who ratified the New Constitution of the New United States in 2008, takes issue with the defendants' failures to prosecute crimes, safeguard citizens, or respond properly to his lawsuits. $2.88 quadrillion.

First, the list of defendants is pretty comprehensive. Any lawsuit against John Yoo or Dick Cheney probably has at least some merit, but many other political figures of both parties are named, as well as John Demjanjuk, Lynndie England, SF's MUNI transit system, NAMBLA, the KKK, and the U.S. Geological Survey. (Plaintiff originally sued George W. Bush and Al Gore, too, but appears to have crossed out their names in a last-minute change of heart.)

Second, the causes of action generally allege a failure to address various issues or to respond to prior complaints about them. These include killing Osama bin Laden, allegedly failing to prosecute NAMBLA, harboring Demjanjuk, and so on. Plaintiff also somehow manages to link a court's ruling on gay marriage to the "dropping of one nuclear atom-splitting Nazi wonder bomb" on Hiroshima. The USGS is accused of failing to evacuate San Francisco although it knows another earthquake is coming (which is true).

Third, the $2.88 quadrillion demand is not the biggest ever, and is well behind the $1.784 septillion demanded from Bank of America in 2009, but it's a lot. Note that the plaintiff demands $720 trillion in compensatory damages but only $2.16 quadrillion in punitive damages. The 3:1 ratio of this demand is much less than plaintiffs usually throw out there, although on the defense side we'd still have good arguments that it's way too high.

Finally, the complaint also contains this allegation —

69.    Defendants as set forth above … have intentionally interfered with Plaintiffs' sovereign right to be free to enjoy quietly Plaintiffs' lives and to be free from Defendants' fraudulent, deceitful, fact-suppressing, intentionally misrepresenting, intentionally interfering, rights-depriving, racketeering, corrupt and/or battering torts, crimes, buffoonery, nuisance, Granfalloonery, false karassism, harassatoriness, embarrassments and/or unvague, specific Keystone Koppery.

Which, frankly, I'd like to see included in every complaint.