News of Settlement Makes Court “Happier Than a Tick on a Fat Dog”

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The best work of this kind seems to get done when a judge and/or clerk is sufficiently bored or exasperated, but apparently relief can have the same sort of effect:

[S]uch news of an amicable settlement having made this Court happier than a tick on a fat dog because it is otherwise busier than a one legged cat in a sand box and, quite frankly, would have rather jumped naked off of a twelve foot step ladder into a five gallon bucket of porcupines than have presided over a two week trial of the herein dispute, a trial which, no doubt, would have made the jury more confused than a hungry baby in a topless bar and made the parties and their attorneys madder than mosquitoes in a mannequin factory …

The jury trial scheduled herein for July 13, 2011 is hereby CANCELED [and] …

The Clerk shall engage the services of a structural engineer to ascertain if the return of this file to the Clerk’s office will exceed the maximum structural load of the floors of said office.

Added to the Noteworthy Court Orders page.