Three More Reasons Not to Call 911

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Apparently this person still has what in olden times was called a "land line," because obviously he could not have used his iPhone yesterday to report that his iPhone was broken. Although, since alcohol was (unsurprisingly) involved in this incident, maybe it actually wasn't broken. Or maybe he forgot his passcode, and so 911 was the only number it would let him call. Regardless, it is still true that a broken smartphone is not an "emergency."

Two: You are accosted by a reporter dressed as a warrior princess.

Mary Walsh (picture: Toronto Star)On the morning of October 24, the mayor of Toronto called 911 when a woman ran at him yelling "We've got you, Rob Ford, we got you!" as he was leaving for work. That would be scary, but less so if she is accompanied by a TV cameraman and is dressed like this.

The woman was Mary Walsh, from the CBC comedy show This Hour Has 22 Minutes, which reportedly specializes in ambushing politicians. Sort of like Michael Moore does down here, although unfortunately he does not dress up the same way. Walsh is no longer on the show but does return for special surprises, such as a visit to a Sarah Palin book signing in 2009.

Mayor Ford justified the 911 call by noting that he is a public figure, has received death threats in recent months, and that he "had no idea who was coming at him" in his driveway. Again, some initial concern is understandable, but not a 911 call unless you really think you've been attacked by a female assassin dressed like a Roman centurion who brought her own cameraman.

A spokesman for the CBS said Walsh only wanted to ask Ford some questions about his mustache.

Three: You cannot remember the third agency you have promised to eliminate if you are elected President of the United States.

Rick Perry didn't actually call 911 about this, although ironically you could say he's the only one of these three who was facing a real emergency.