Assorted Stupidity #128

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  • What should a business do if someone is buying an enormous quantity of its products? Tell that person to cease and desist, of course. That’s what Trader Joe’s did in 2013 when it learned a Canadian was buying carloads of stuff from its U.S. stores and then reselling it in Canada (where Trader Joe’s didn’t operate). A four-year legal battle ensued. That’s also what Krispy Kreme did recently to a similar entrepreneur, who was buying 100 boxes of donuts at a time in Iowa and then reselling them in Minnesota. To its credit, though, it has already changed its mind.
  • A Texas man told police officers last month that “the voodoo” made him try to steal about $400 worth of merchandise from a Walmart store, KTRE reported. The voodoo does that kind of thing, of course, but the man also reportedly said this voodoo told him not to brush his teeth, which is weird.
  • According to this report, prosecutors have dropped the charges against a Michigan woman who was facing jail time for failing to return two overdue library books. Melinda Sanders-Jones checked out Night and Where the Sidewalk Ends in 2017, and forgot about them (or so she claims). She realized she still had the books a few months ago, and returned them, but then an employer doing a background check informed her there was a warrant out for her arrest. The charges were dropped after Sanders-Jones completed a “diversion program through the Economic Crimes Unit,” the report says.
  • UK readers who have recently been offered £1 million worth of sex toys at an extreme discount should know that they are almost certainly stolen. The “lorry” in which they were being transported was parked along the A43, on its way from Felixstowe to Kettering, if that helps at all.
  • Behold what may be the most ridiculous email signature ever crafted by an attorney, setting forth elaborate instructions for those who might seek a telephone conversation or actual meeting. “If your email persuades my staff that using my time to meet with you is legally required or is likely to be a worthy investment from the perspective of my client,” it declares, in part, “then they will schedule a meeting….” Good luck with this, my friend.