Former Fugitive Extradited, Briefly De-Trousered

Eric III, the last ruler of Denmark to abdicate and largely irrelevant to this story (image: Hedning via Wikipedia, CC 3.0)

Well, the day you’ve all been waiting for has finally come. Yes, at long last, Queen Margrethe of Denmark has decided to abdicate.

According to The Guardian, she is the first Danish monarch to abdicate since 1146, so it really is kind of a big deal. In Denmark.

I should probably clarify that Queen Margrethe is not the “former fugitive” mentioned in the headline. By all accounts, she is a respected and even beloved figure, and is stepping down voluntarily after 52 years on the throne. That does raise the question why you have long been awaiting her departure, I guess, because, man, what did Queen Margrethe ever do to you? In any event, the headline refers to yet another long-awaited day that has finally come. Yes, at long last, Nicholas Rossi has been extradited from Scotland.

This of course is something you, like me, have been awaiting since at least late 2022. See Suspect Claiming Mistaken Identity Says Someone Tattooed Him Without His Knowledge” (Nov. 15, 2022); see also Assorted Stupidity No. 155 (reporting Rossi’s seventh lawyer had blamed court officials for an “altercation” that delayed a hearing); 156 (reporting an extradition decision was imminent); 158 (reporting officials had “confirmed” he “will be extradited”) and “Nicholas Rossi Will Be Extradited—or Will He?” (Aug. 16, 2023) (predicting that yes, he obviously would be, but apparently not yet). But the day has finally come.

Specifically, it came on Friday, Jan. 7, when officials suddenly showed up at Rossi’s prison cell and told him it was time to go. Did he handle this with the sort of quiet dignity Queen Margrethe showed when announcing her abdication? He did not, at least according to the Daily Record. “Fugitive sex offender Nicholas Rossi roared and cried as he left jail to be put on a flight out of Scotland heading for the US,” it reported Friday. “The 36-year-old was forced onto the plane after wrestling with staff on the tarmac with his trousers at his ankles.”

The report is sadly, or maybe thankfully, vague on exactly how Rossi’s trousers ended up at his ankles, but the Record quoted an anonymous “eyewitness” who implied it was Rossi’s fault. “He struggled so much his trousers ended up at this ankles,” it quoted the witness as saying. There can be little doubt that the defendant will claim he wasn’t responsible, but whether he will blame the marshals or the shadowy conspirators who broke into his hospital room and tattooed him with exact replicas of Nicholas Rossi’s distinctive markings in the first place remains to be seen. If they could get to him there, I see no reason to assume they couldn’t have de-trousered him remotely.

That is, after all, a very effective way to prevent someone from fleeing. See, e.g., “Droopy Jeans Ruin Yet Another Getaway” (Aug. 30, 2013) (citing two earlier incidents). (Searched for “ankles,” got it on the first try.)

Authorities in the U.S. seemed almost as excited to get ahold of Rossi as the Scots were to get rid of him. Though he may be appearing in a number of jurisdictions during his U.S. tour, the Salt Lake Tribune reports that Rossi is currently in Utah, where he has been charged in at least two rapes. His DNA has also matched evidence collected in an Ohio case, and according to the BBC, court papers accuse him of crimes in Rhode Island and Massachusetts as well.

My expert opinion is that the court is unlikely to grant bail.