Man Forced to Eat His Own Beard After Losing Lawn Mower Fight
“They cut my beard … and forced me to eat it.”
Crime and Punishment
“Safe Surrender” Program Draws Hundreds Not Wanted for Anything
Speaking of the U.S. Marshals Service (did you buy some of Bernie Madoff's crap from them this weekend?), another of the service's programs has also proven wildly popular. Five years ago, the service started "Fugitive Safe Surrender," a program that…
Buy Some of Bernie Madoff’s Stupid Crap This Weekend
Including—and this is true—his crystal ball.
Good Reason to Kill #11: Sang “My Way” Poorly
If you must engage in karaoke, do it with great care.
Randy Quaid & Wife Seek Asylum in Canada; Say They Fear Hollywood “Star Whackers”
It is becoming increasingly apparent that Randy Quaid, who has frequently played oddball characters like “Cousin Eddie” in the “National Lampoon’s Vacation” films and the not-entirely-sane pilot in “Independence Day,” may not have been acting. Quaid and his wife were arrested…
Nevada Supreme Court Denies O.J. Simpson’s Appeal
Non-astonishing news from Nevada.
One Possibly Unforeseen Risk of Escaping While Handcuffed
— is that you might also get charged with stealing the handcuffs. According to the Longview (Wash.) Daily News, a man who was arrested on October 1 managed to escape while being taken to jail, after he was able to…
Hotel Sued After Employee Caught Wearing Guest’s Underwear
Opinions vary about how much you should tip hotel employees, but in this situation, there is general agreement that it should be zero dollars. A Los Angeles woman is suing the Hyatt hotel chain, alleging that she returned to her…
Good Reason to Kill # 10: Posted “Ugly Baby” Comment on Facebook
If you need another reason not to use Facebook, here's one: your "friends" may not stay safely on the Internet. Here's another: some of them may be really touchy about their ugly babies. Obviously, all new babies are ugly. I…
Banjo Wielded
I concede this one is at least slightly off-topic, but I'm going to post it anyway. It's breaking news from my hometown of Kansas City: Charges filed in Overland Park banjo self-defense case Police say the Monday banjo blow to…