Note: Closing-Argument Demonstratives Should Not Include Hand Grenade
There are better ways to demonstrate the concept of an “imminent threat,” probably.
Criminal
Man Tests Police by Dressing to Match Suspect’s Description
I can remember times when I was really, really bored. I mean, really bored. But I don't think I've ever been so bored that I even considered checking a police scanner to get a description of somebody the police were looking…
Joe Francis Sentenced to Time Served, Is Now Free to Sleaze Again
Joe Francis, the Girls Gone Wild founder — or as Gawker.com described him, the "alleged arm-twisting sexual aggressor and loathsome Girls Gone Wild founder" — was sentenced on November 7 to time already served, and was released into the wild…
San Francisco Jury Struggles With Whether Bear Was “Disturbed”
Hard to define, but you know it when you see it.
Balloon Parents to Plead Guilty
They will apparently not be charged for their reality-TV-show appearances, unfortunately.
Jury Finds Florida Man Was Not “Too Fat to Kill”
Edward Ates "looked down and shook his head in court" as he listened to the jury's verdict against him on November 6. As he did, his ponderous jowls wobbled slowly from side to side. Or, at least, ponderous and wobbly jowls would…
Alleged Car-Stealer Charged With Stealing Car to Get to Hearing on Car-Stealing Charges
The California Highway Patrol got a report of a stolen car on November 3 and were able to track it down quickly because it was equipped with LoJack. They found it parked near a courthouse in Vallejo, about a 30-minute…
Latest Bad Disguise(s): Drawing on Your Face With a Sharpie
I have to go back and make sure my numbering is consistent, but I think these would be Bad Disguises Numbers 6 and 7: I am going to count these as two Bad Disguises even though they are fundamentally based on the…
Blagojevich Can Appear on “Celebrity Apprentice,” Says Judge
A federal judge has ruled that former Illinois governor and loony pseudo-celebrity Rod Blagojevich can indeed appear on "Celebrity Apprentice" in March. U.S. District Judge James Zagel decided on October 20 not to block Blagojevich from appearing on the show,…
Halloween Breathalyzer Costume Results in What I Believe to Be Irony
As we learned from Alanis Morrisette, irony is a tricky concept, so I have looked up the definition: irony, n. 1. A figure of speech in which the intended meaning is the opposite of that expressed by the words used;…