The Torch Has Been Passed

LTB logo

A thoroughly pissed-off Gen. George Washington to British Lt. General Thomas Gage (Aug. 19, 1775):

I have taken Time, Sir, to make a strict Inquiry, and find it has not the least Foundation in Truth. Not only your Officers, and Soldiers have been treated with a Tenderness due to Fellow Citizens, & Brethren; but even those execrable Parricides [traitors] whose Counsels & Aid have deluged their Country with Blood, have been protected from the Fury of a justly enraged People.

Gen. George Washington to the Hartford Committee of Safety, on how to treat an irritating enemy prisoner (Sept. 26, 1775):

[A]llow me to recommend a Gentleness, even to Forbearance, with Persons so intirely in our Power. We know not what the Chance of War may be—but let it be what it will the Duties of Humanity and Kindness will demand from us such a Treatment as we Should expect from others the Case being reversed.

Jeb Bush to an audience in Iowa (Aug. 13, 2015):

I do think, in general, that torture is not appropriate.

Zombie Gen. George Washington, upon being told that this statement is what passes for the moral high ground these days:

I must confess, Sir, that I am perplext and confounded by your Suggestion that the Republic we forged from our united Colonies and the combined Virtue of its People has so declined, that such a Missive regarding the barbarous Usage of Prisoners should be viewed as Improvement, and not a shameful and Retrograde Action. Once I looked to the Future of the young Nation with Hope, but with this Rev'lation I now wish only to eat your Brains.

Zombie Ben Franklin:

They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve to have their brains eaten. Rarrwwrarrrrr!

Zombie Governeur Morris:


All Other Zombie Founding Fathers: