Assorted Stupidity #112

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  • “His reputation throughout the court is stellar,” the defense attorney said about his client, a former judge. But because his client was removed from the bench after confessing to repeatedly burglarizing a neighbor’s home in order to steal her underwear, it seems like that statement probably should have been in the past tense?
  • Service might be a little slow at the McDonald’s on Northeast Park Street in Okeechobee, Florida. I say this because people keep falling asleep in the drive-thru lane. The Okeechobee News reported that on March 17, at 1:15 a.m., police responding to a call from workers found a man unconscious in his Ford Expedition. It was the third time in four months that police have had to deal with somebody passed out in that restaurant’s drive-thru lane. The first two had been drinking, but if this guy had been, the report doesn’t mention it. He did have a suspended license, though, and because this is his fourth arrest for that offense, ’tis a felony.
  • Another bad place to sleep might be in the home of the Arizona woman charged with child abuse for allegedly using a Taser to get her son out of bed on Easter Sunday. “Get up! It’s Jesus’ day!” she said she told her son, and sparked the Taser at him as a threat. She denied actually applying the device, but police said her son did have “two small bumps on his leg” where he says she tased him. “Nobody writes a book on the correct way of parenting,” the woman said, so how was she supposed to know?

“Ma’am, the Easter-egg hunt ended two hours ago.”

  • Another wonderful Easter tale, courtesy of Assistant Chief Keith Porch, Mansfield, Ohio: “We received a report from a citizen [at] the Richland Carousel Park of an intoxicated female doing some lewd acts on the Easter Bunny.” The 54-year-old woman reportedly made “suggestive comments” to the Bunny (hopefully including “Get up! It’s Jesus’ day!” but I’m just speculating), as well as grabbing it “inappropriately.” Citizens who were present with their children were unamused, and called police. She had left the area by the time officers arrived, but they apparently “found [her] on the carousel.”
  • So here’s a second paragraph about it. This passage really tells you most of what you need to know: “Unbeknownst to Charles, Paula [his wife] had purchased a motion-sensing air freshener device, and placed it on a shelf above the toilet. The device, detecting Charles’ movement in the room, released a mist of its contents directly into Charles’ face as he stood in front of the toilet.” After Charles developed serious respiratory issues, he sued his wife and (more to the point) her insurance carrier. The trial court granted summary judgment, holding that Paula could not have foreseen the harm. But the Court of Appeals disagreed, noting that the warnings (which Paula didn’t read) and common sense both say that you shouldn’t put such a device where it might spray air freshener into someone’s face. And after all, Paula really should have been able to foresee that Charles would be standing there, sooner or later. (via Kentucky Court Report)