Good Reason to Kill #78: Ate the Last Hot Pocket

Don't touch it (image: "Lenin and McCarthy" via Wikipedia, CC 3.0 cropped)

Posts in this category have been less common in recent years, as I mentioned the last time. See Good Reason to Kill #77: Summoned Bigfoot to Kill You First” (July 13, 2022). Partly that’s just because I decided I would prefer to limit such reports to cases where the victim was not actually killed, though of course exceptions could be and have been justified on particular facts, such as the invocation of a Bigfoot-related excuse. Happily, no such exception was necessary here, because the victim does not seem to have been seriously injured after his roommate shot him for eating the last Hot Pocket.

I’m not sure I’ve ever actually eaten a Hot Pocket, though I very well may have done so, and probably in circumstances where I would not remember it. Wikipedia defines “Hot Pockets” as “an American brand of microwaveable turnovers generally containing one or more types of cheese, meat, or vegetables.” The developers introduced the “Tastywich,” described as “the predecessor of the Hot Pocket,” in 1980. After further innovations that are not described, Hot Pockets supplanted the Tastywich in 1983. The company was sold to Nestlé in 2002, and you can learn more at the official website should you care to do so.

While there appears to be some controversy as to whether Hot Pockets are “good” or not, clearly many people like them. Whether anyone likes them enough to kill for one seems doubtful, but at least one man has been willing to use deadly force against a person who ate the last available Pocket.

On May 21, police in Louisville, Kentucky, arrested a 64-year-old man for assault after his roommate showed up at the University of Louisville Hospital with a gunshot wound. According to police, Clifton Williams became irate after learning that his roommate had “eaten the last Hot Pocket, so he started throwing tiles at him.” The roommate tried to leave, but not quickly enough, because Williams then produced a gun and shot him in the buttocks as he departed. Williams did not pursue, and the man “traveled a few blocks” to get help, after which he was transported to the hospital and treated for “non-life-threatening injuries.”

There have been many reports of this incident, but I recommend’s coverage mainly because it show what appears to be Mr. Williams’ mugshot, in which he appears in no way apologetic.

Again, while many people undoubtedly treasure each and every individual Hot Pocket, I think we can safely say that people are more likely to become violent if someone has taken the last item when there is a limited supply. See, e.g., “Good Reason to Kill #39: Took All the Crab Legs” (Dec. 2, 2013); “Good Reason to Kill #18: Ate the Last Donut” (June 27, 2011). In fact, that’s how all this got started. See Good Reason to Kill #1: Roommate Used the Last Roll of Toilet Paper” (Feb. 21, 2006). That last one seems slightly less ridiculous following the pandemic, when toilet paper was in short supply for a while; I once personally witnessed people tearing into a newly unloaded pallet of it at Costco in what looked like a scene from World War Z. I had already fled with a giant package under each arm, thankfully. I did not want to see what happened to whoever was unwise enough to take the last roll.