If I Were Your Lawyer I’d Tell You Not to Brag About Your Crimes on the Air

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But I'm not your lawyer.

(Please disregard previous statement if I am in fact your lawyer.)

I remembered previously writing about incidents in which a criminal was caught only after bragging about his or her crimes on the air, but I was surprised at the number of stories that popped up when I searched for "bragging" using the Official Lowering the Bar Custom-Crafted Google Searchinator Box (also in the far right sidebar).

  • Dudes who stole a meerkat from the Kansas City Zoo bragged about it on Facebook;

I guess I just find it amusing when someone is busted because he couldn't resist bragging about the dumb thing he did.

This time, for once, it was a she.

The Denver Post reports that a woman who faked mental illness to get out of jury duty, and then bragged about it on a talk-radio show, has pleaded guilty to perjury and "attempting to influence a public servant." The "public servant" in question was the judge who had presided over jury selection, and who excused the woman after she claimed to be suffering from post-traumatic stress. But this potential juror went the extra mile: she "sold her act" by dressing crazy, with "heavy makeup smeared on her face while her hair hung askew in curlers, with shoes and reindeer socks mismatched." She also spoke "disjointedly."

But she apparently spoke clearly enough a few months later when she called in to a radio talk show and bragged about how she put one over on the judge. And if you're going to do this despite my advice (if I were your lawyer), here's one final tip: Don't do this on a station that reaches into the judge's jurisdiction, or anywhere nearby, because she might actually be listening.

The judge had in fact tuned in to The Dave Logan Show on 850-KOA to listen to people talk about avoiding jury duty, when she heard what the Post described as a "familiar tale." The caller said she had shown up "disheveled" and claiming to be mentally ill, and "went on to describe how she shared this experience with clients at her hair styling business, and that they all found the story amusing." That last part was from an affidavit by an investigator for the DA's office. The story was probably less amusing when she heard it later in that format.

"Attempting to influence a public servant [who later hears you brag about it on the radio]" turns out to be a felony, but this initially crafty juror got away with two years of probation.