Madoff Pleads Guilty, Goes Directly to Jail
“Loud laughter” isn’t what you hope to hear when your defense attorney speaks.
Criminal
“We Will Get You,” Store Promises Vinegar Thief
The owner of the Newport Avenue Market in Bend, Oregon, is fed up with whoever has been stealing bottles of expensive balsamic vinegar from the market for over a year now. This is why a sign now hangs in the relevant…
Official Suspected of Corruption Just Because He Owned Estate, Jet, Helicopter, Tiger, Blah, Blah, Blah
Also the $3.4 billion in cash he had lying around.
Man Has Cuffs Removed, Briefly, at Police Station
I guess the police station is the logical place to go if you are trying to get some handcuffs off, although now that I say that, I think I would try a locksmith first. But, FYI, the police-station option is not a…
Australian Arrested for Pigeon, Eggplant Smuggling
A man described as "an Australian pigeon fancier" was arrested in Melbourne on February 3 after customs officials found two birds in his pants. Officials said the man had wrapped each pigeon in a roll of newspaper and stuffed one…
“Lobster Gone Bad” Turns Out To Be Hoax
A man in Amsterdam, New York, returned a lobster to his local Price Chopper supermarket on January 18, saying it was “bad.” Employees said that Walter Tessier wanted to exchange the bad lobster for a bag of king crab legs….
Thieves Grab Costumes for Late-Night Performance
Last Sunday night or early Monday morning, a person or persons unknown stole a variety of costumes from a shop associated with the Oregon Shakespeare Festival. The items taken, worth about $5,000 in all, were intended for upcoming productions of "Macbeth" and "The…
Court Rejects Unabomber’s Request to Get Unabombing Stuff Back
Good news — convicted "Unabomber" Ted Kaczynski, now serving a life term for murder, will not be getting back any of the unabomb-making materials that the FBI seized from his cabin in 1996. Kaczynski's cabin. Defense experts argued that Kacyznski's skewed worldview was…
Aquarium Stocked With Stolen Sea Creatures
A 30-year-old New York man is being charged with grand and petit larceny for crimes he committed during the last two months. The grand larceny charge is for stealing a shark and the petit larceny is for swiping a moray…
Serial Toilet Arsonist Continues to Terrorize San Francisco
The toilet death toll to date has exceeded one dozen.